Lesson #88: Rechilut About a Relative
A man is approached one day by his friend, who says, “I wanted to tell you, yesterday I was in Lakewood, and I shopped in your brother’s store. I really like the store – it has excellent merchandise for great prices. I’m telling you, he’s running a terrific operation.”
“Yeah,” the man replies, “it seems like everyone in Lakewood really likes his store.”
“Well, I wouldn’t say ‘everyone’,” the friends says. “My neighbor went into the store, and he told me he was very disappointed. He complained that your brother is rude, that the store has no return policy, and that the prices aren’t really that great.”
Sharing this information about what his neighbor said about the store violated the prohibition of Rechilut. Even though the friend told the man about what the neighbor said about his brother, and not about the man himself, nevertheless, this constitutes Rechilut, because it arouses the man’s negative feelings toward that neighbor. When somebody hears that a person spread negative information about a family member, he will naturally resent that person. Thus, the Hafetz Haim writes that when we speak to people, we must ensure not to mention to them anything negative we heard spoken about their family members or relatives. People naturally feel very protective of their family members, and will take great offense if they hear about somebody spreading unflattering information about them. Therefore, just as it is forbidden to tell somebody that another person spoke derogatorily upon him, it is also forbidden to tell somebody that another person spoke derogatorily about their relative, as this, too, will arouse resentment towards that other person.
If only we realized that every time we speak about another Jew, we are speaking about a relative, then the laws of Shemirat Ha’lashon would be so much easier to observe. We are all, understandably, very protective when it comes to the feelings and reputation of our parents, our siblings and other relatives. But in truth, in Hashem’s eyes, there is no difference between our biological family and all other Jews. If only we lived with this awareness, then Mashiah would surely have already arrived.