Lesson #95: The Nurse
One day, a young girl comes home from school and tells her mother that on the way home, she saw Yocheved, the nurse who had cared for the girl’s ailing grandmother until her passing.
“I recognized her, so I went over to say hello,” the girl says.
“Wow, that’s so interesting,” the mother replies. “Do you know where she was going?”
“She told me she was going to the Friedman’s house.”
The mother puts two and two together… She knows that Mrs. Friedman’s mother recently suffered a stroke, so she figures that the Friedmans must have hired Yocheved to care for her.
The mother then starts wondering whether she should call the Friedmans to tell them about her experiences with Yocheved. Although for the most part, Yocheved did a good job, there were a number of occasions when she acted irresponsibly. Once, she made a serious mistake that could have endangered her ailing, aged mother. Should she call the Friedmans and share with them this information?
She calls her Rabbi and explains to him the situation. He responds that she may share her concerns with the Friedmans – if all five of the following the conditions are met:
1) She must ensure to speak only facts that she knows to be true. She may not tell the Friedmans anything about Yocheved that is only her opinion, and not a true fact.
2) She may not exaggerate at all. She may report only the specific incidents that she feels are cause for concern, without any embellishment whatsoever.
3) Her intentions must be purely sincere, without even a tinge of vengeance.
4) This must be the only way to alert the Friedmans to the potential risk. If there is some other way of protecting Mrs. Friedman’s mother, without sharing negative information about Yocheved, then that alternative option must be pursued.
5) She must ensure that sharing this information will only prevent Yocheved from getting this job, but will not cause further harm. If sharing this information will damage Yocheved’s reputation generally, such that she will suffer additional harm beyond losing this job caring for Mrs. Friedman’s mother, then the information may not be shared.
Remarkably, the laws of Shemirat Ha’lashon require us to carefully consider what we say, and determine whether or not it is permissible, even when we intend to do the right thing. When it comes to Shemirat Ha’lashon, wanting to do the right thing does not suffice; we must carefully determine whether the words we feel we should speak indeed should be spoken, or are forbidden.