Lesson #98: Revealing Who Caused the Damage
A person has a neighbor who invested a great deal of time, money and work into his garden, and it is truly magnificent. One day, the man sees some mischievous kids from the neighborhood run into the garden and cause significant damage, plucking some of the roses and tramping over other flowers. Later, he sees his neighbor surveying at the damage, looking astonished and very distraught. Understandably, the man feels very bad for his neighbor, who had put some much into his garden, which has now been ruined.
Is the fellow permitted to tell his neighbor the names of the kids who caused the damage?
This case is a classic situation of “To’elet,” where one is allowed to share negative information about somebody for a constructive purpose – in this instance, to protect the neighbor from future damage to his garden. Revealing the names of the children is allowed if a number of conditions are met: the person has no malicious intent, and his sole objective in sharing the information is to help his neighbor; the person speaks only the truth without any exaggeration; and this is the only way to achieve the desired goal. If the person feels that he can approach the children directly and warn them, and they would listen and refrain from repeating such conduct in the future, then he must do so instead of reporting them to his neighbor.
If, however, all these conditions are met, then the person is allowed to report the children to the neighbor without being asked. He may take the initiative to share this information, and does not need to wait until the neighbor approaches him and asks if he knows who ruined the garden.
In all likelihood, though, if the man would talk to the children, show them the extent of the damage, and speak to them about the severity of what they did, they would realize their mistake and refrain from going into the garden in the future. The man would thus be able to diffuse the situation without causing any hard feelings between fellow Jews – which is, of course, the ideal solution.