Lesson 99: The Carpool
On the first day of yeshiva, a boy is sitting outside the building and sees his friend, Reuven, getting off the bus with an enormous knapsack on his back, and carrying a stack of books. The friend can’t help but wonder why Reuven needed to take the bus. Just a short while earlier, he saw a carpool pull up with the other boys from Reuven’s block; they were driven by none other than Reuven’s neighbor. They had room for Reuven, so why didn’t he go with them? The poor guy had to schlep all his stuff on the bus and then walk down the block to the yeshiva building.
The friend rushes over to help Reuven with his books. He of course does not mention anything about the carpool from which he was left out, because he does not want Reuven to be angry at the other boys on his block, or at his neighbor.
Later, however, when Reuven is not around, the friend happens to be talking to somebody else – Shimon – and mentions that he had earlier seen Reuven struggling with all his stuff as he got off the bus.
“Apparently the folks in the carpool didn’t want him going with them,” the friend tells Shimon. “I think I know why – because Reuven is always late. They probably didn’t want to have to wait for him to be ready.”
By sharing this information with Shimon, the yeshiva student violated both the prohibition of Lashon Ha’ra, and the prohibition of Rechilut. He spoke Lashon Ha’ra by telling Shimon something negative about Reuven – that he is habitually late. And he violated the prohibition of Rechilut by creating a situation which could lead Reuven to resent the people in the carpool. If Shimon relays this information further, Reuven might find out about the carpool from his block that intentionally excluded him – and he would, naturally, be very upset at them. Therefore, when Reuven made this remark to Shimon, he not only spoke Lashon Ha’ra about Reuven, but also spoke Rechilut – by giving rise to the possibility that Reuven will hear something which will arouse his anger at other people.
This Halacha demonstrates that one can violate the prohibition of Rechilut even if he is not speaking to the person who was wronged. Even by telling a third party about the wrong done to somebody, one violates Rechilut because of the possibility that the victim will hear about what had happened because the information was spread.
In this situation, the most appropriate response would be to approach the people in the carpool, respectfully describe to them what Reuven went through because he needed to take public transportation, and suggest that the right thing would have been to include Reuven, even if this would mean waiting an extra few minutes.