We are now delving into the laws presented in Bikurim B'Halacha, specifically the Vayikra Mizrachi edition, a work dedicated by the sons of Hacham David. This is Day 30, sponsored by the Yisrael family in honor of Rabbi Meir and Rabbi Bital, may G-d grant them long life.
The text begins by addressing the transmission of germs. It states, "One should not drink from a cup and then give it to his friend to drink from." This prohibition, known as sakkanat nefashot (danger to life), arises from the concern that one might transmit a disease through saliva. This is a crucial distinction: within a family, where everyone is aware of each other's health, or if the person making Kiddush is known not to be ill, the custom is often to share the cup. However, if the person making Kiddush is a stranger, or visibly unwell (e.g., sneezing or with a runny nose), one should certainly avoid drinking from the same cup. The easier solution, in such cases, is to pour wine into separate cups for each individual.
The text also mentions that Hacham David himself had a personal custom: he would wipe the surface of the cup with a napkin after drinking, before passing it to his son-in-law. This demonstrates his extreme sensitivity to this matter. Following his lead, Yaakov Yosef wrote that it is proper for guests at a table to wipe the sides of the cup after drinking before passing it on. The Levush, however, ruled that simply wiping the surface is insufficient, as there might be germs inside the cup itself. Nonetheless, others disagree with the Levush, arguing that it is overly sensitive to suspect guests of transmitting illness in this manner. The sensitivity often lies in avoiding placing one's lips on the exact spot where another person has drunk. Some people subtly shift the cup to drink from a different spot, but if one is the last or youngest, they might be "stuck" with the previous drinker's spot. In such a scenario, it is advisable to pour the contents into another cup before drinking.
Another important law is "one should not eat standing." While we stand for Kiddush, as the Yinshal states, one should sit down to drink the Kiddush wine itself, and certainly for the meal that follows. This is a relatively new custom; historically, people would stand for Kiddush and drink while standing. Now, many sit, and they are not incorrect in doing so. The question arises whether this applies only to the one making Kiddush who drinks a significant amount, or also to those who only take a small sip. It is suggested that perhaps it applies only to the one making Kiddush.
A significant prohibition is "one should not sleep immediately after eating." This is detrimental to health because it slows down digestion. The best practice after a meal is to take a walk to aid digestion, and then sleep later. Similarly, one should not immediately jump up from the table after eating. Instead, one should sit for a short while, the amount of time it would take to eat the last portion of the meal. Even after reciting the Grace After Meals, one should remain seated for approximately four minutes to avoid abruptly leaving the table.
Regarding communal eating, if two people are at a table, the older person should always be the first to take food. This applies even to dessert, such as cutting a cake; one should first offer a piece to one's father, grandfather, or rabbi before taking for oneself. A dilemma arises when considering the custom of giving one's wife the first piece of bread on Friday night, as the Arizal teaches, versus the custom of honoring parents first. A solution is to cut a piece for oneself, then cut a second piece for one's wife and set it aside, then cut pieces for one's parents, and finally give the pre-cut piece to one's wife, thus fulfilling both customs.
When food is served communally on a single plate, one should not pick and choose. Whatever comes to one's fork or spoon is what one should take. One should not search for a specific piece or complain about what is served. This principle extends to not overreaching across the table to take food that is not directly in front of oneself. One should only take what is within easy reach.
Furthermore, one should not take an overly large portion of food, especially when eating with a spoon. It is important to eat properly, avoiding slurping or making excessive noise. There is a certain etiquette at the table that, while challenging to follow, is important. The custom in many traditional homes, like that of the speaker's father and grandfather, is for the wife to prepare the plate for her husband. This ensures proper portions and honors the husband, circumventing issues of choosing or overreaching.
Regarding eating with hands, one should try not to dirty one's clothes. While certain foods, like Moroccan fish or specific finger foods (e.g., kibbeh, lahmah jeen, yabra), are traditionally eaten with hands, one should only dirty the fingertips. It is generally recommended to eat with utensils whenever possible. When eating with hands, one should use only one hand, not both. One should also avoid taking excessively large bites and be careful not to get food on one's beard or mustache.
Men with long mustaches should move their mustache hairs to the side before eating to prevent them from getting into the food. The Yom Hara states that a lack of care in these etiquette laws once led to a tragic outcome. A man who did not clean his beard after eating had food remnants (lentils) visible. Someone saw this, and falsely claimed to have been with the man's wife the previous night, using the knowledge of the lentils as "proof." This led the man to kill his wife. This story highlights the serious implications of neglecting personal cleanliness and presentation.
The Gemara states that a Torah scholar who has a stain on his garment is liable to death. This is because a Torah scholar represents the Torah, and must appear presentable. This is not about having a single, fancy stain, but about maintaining a clean and respectable appearance. In institutions like Slabodka Yeshiva, students were meticulously careful about their appearance, believing in the concept of "the image of G-d" and the importance of outward presentation. For example, Rav Chaim Weisberg would comb his beard before exiting the car to ensure a dignified appearance, and Rav Ahron Kotler would polish his shoes before arriving at a train station. This is because if a Torah scholar appears sloppy, it can lead people to devalue the Torah itself, thinking it is "worthless" or belongs to a "slob."
A question arises regarding men using mirrors, as mirrors are traditionally considered feminine items. While a barber's mirror is permissible for practical reasons, some argue against using mirrors otherwise, fearing it could lead to vanity. However, today, anyone wearing a kippah is seen as representing the Jewish people. Therefore, it is considered a Kiddush Hashem (sanctification of G-d's Name) for religious individuals to look in a mirror once or twice in the morning to ensure a proper and presentable appearance. This also applies to yeshiva students and Torah scholars; people are constantly observing them. Their behavior, including how they sit, eat, and carry themselves at the table, reflects on the Torah they learn. If a scholar has unkempt habits, people may struggle to accept his scholarship, as they cannot separate the wisdom from the vessel. To ensure the Torah is accepted, one must maintain cleanliness, including brushing teeth and personal hygiene.
The speaker recounts a strong opinion regarding the Ashkenazi custom of not showering during the Three Weeks. He states that this custom is not the Sephardic practice and that such stringency, if it leads to unpleasant body odor, can be detrimental. While one is allowed to shower (even with cold water), one has a social responsibility when interacting with others. Being overly stringent in a way that negatively impacts those around you is not the way of the Torah, and can even be considered an act of disrespect.