We continue our study of Jewish law, dedicating this session to the memory of Dania Koel, may she rest in peace. Today's discussion is also sponsored by Maggie and Elliot Betesh, in honor of the Rabbi and his wife.
As a postscript to a recent halachic discussion that generated considerable interest, we revisit the topic of the blessing recited over a wrap. The initial ruling was uncertain, leading to a recommendation to err on the side of caution and only consume wraps after performing ritual hand-washing, thereby necessitating the blessing over bread. However, subsequent consultations with many rabbis revealed a strong divergence of opinion. Numerous sources and rabbinic authorities, including Rabbi David Feinstein and Rabbi Pinchasi, lean towards classifying the wrap as requiring the blessing over baked goods, citing its thin, pliable nature and its typical consumption with other foods rather than as a standalone bread item. This view is reportedly shared by Rabbi Hacham David Yosef, the Chief Rabbi. While there was some question regarding the precise stance of Rabbi Yashiv, the consensus among many rabbis, including Rabbi Lezer Ari, Rabbi Raymond Haber, and Rabbi Joey Struh of Shaarei Zion, supports the blessing over baked goods. Even those who typically rule for the blessing over bread for similar items like lahmacun often concede that wraps fall under the category of baked goods. Further evidence supporting this position comes from the preparation of lahmacun dough by Jerusalem Glatt, which includes sugar and apple juice, ingredients often added to make a dough sweet enough to warrant the blessing over baked goods, even if it might otherwise be considered bread. Therefore, those who continue to recite the blessing over baked goods on wraps have substantial halachic support.
Moving to today's topic, we turn to a fascinating halacha found in Shulchan Aruch, chapter 170, which discusses etiquette during a meal. This isn't about general social graces, but specifically about how one should treat a server. The Gemara states that if someone smells food and desires it but is not given any, it can be dangerous, potentially leading to illness or even death due to intense craving. Therefore, it is forbidden to have a server smell delicious food without allowing them to partake. While they cannot contaminate the food by directly touching it, they must be allowed to taste it. The halacha specifies that anything brought before a person that has an aroma and for which the server has a desire must be offered to them immediately. It is not sufficient to tell them they can eat it later; if the craving is present now, they must be given a taste from each item. This is because the aroma itself, if not satisfied, can be harmful. If the food does not have a strong smell, one is not obligated to offer a full plate, but a taste should still be given. The principle of alacrity dictates that it must be given immediately, without delay. This applies even to food without a strong smell, as the mere sight of food can trigger hunger and salivation, making it difficult for the server to continue. The Gemara illustrates this with a story of two brothers. One brother generously allowed his server to eat from everything he served, while the other only offered a sample of one food after service. The prophet Eliyahu appeared to the first brother, commending his extra act of piety, which went beyond the strict letter of the law. The second brother, who adhered only to the bare halacha, did not merit this divine visitation, as the slight discomfort of the server having to wait was enough to prevent it. This highlights the value of going beyond the minimum requirement.
A question then arises regarding a non-Jewish server. The halacha, as stated by Rabbi Beru Ra, applies only to a Jewish server, though he provides no source for this ruling. The Mishnah, however, discusses the case of an indentured servant, who is considered quasi-Jewish for certain halachic purposes. If a server is hired for a year and, at the outset, is told they may eat from any food they serve, this fulfills the obligation for the entire period, eliminating the need to offer food each time. This applies when the server is merely serving and not eating with the household. However, if the server sits down to eat with the family, then they should eat like any other person at the table, and there is no special obligation to offer food during the serving process. In modern homes, if a housekeeper eats the same food as the family, but in the kitchen, there is no obligation to offer her food while she is serving, assuming she has a plate waiting for her. This rule primarily applies to situations where the server would otherwise be eating something entirely different while smelling the desirable food they are serving.
The custom of inviting a guest who enters during a meal to "sit down and eat" is often a polite way of dismissing them, knowing they will decline. However, according to this halacha, such an invitation should be sincere, as the guest, upon smelling the food, is in a similar position to a server. The speaker recounts a personal experience with Rabbi Max Maslaton, whose wife immediately offered him food upon smelling her delicious cooking, insisting he eat because he had smelled it. This demonstrates the practical application of the halacha. The speaker also notes the challenge this halacha poses for restaurants, where many people stand in line, smelling food and becoming agitated. The Zohar states that "the time of eating is a time of war," referring to the heightened emotions associated with hunger. The speaker advised a restaurant owner to offer small appetizers or wine to patrons waiting in line, to alleviate their hunger and improve their mood, thereby preventing arguments and enhancing the dining experience.
The discussion then touches on a Kabbalistic aspect: if one smells food and desires it but cannot eat it for some reason, the saliva produced in the mouth can be dangerous if swallowed. In such a case, one should spit it out. This illustrates the deep understanding of human physiology and psychology within Jewish law, often preceding modern scientific discovery. The Gemara also discusses the cravings of pregnant women, recognizing the potential danger if these cravings are not satisfied.
The speaker then introduces Rabbi Bender, a renowned Torah scholar and Rosh Yeshiva of a major yeshiva in Far Rockaway. Rabbi Bender, a student of great Torah luminaries like Rabbi Hutner and Rabbi Freifeld, is an expert in education. He shares insights on raising children, emphasizing the importance of building them up with love and support, rather than the more punitive approaches sometimes seen in the past. He recounts a story of a boy who left yeshiva and assimilated due to a harsh rebbe, highlighting the long-term consequences of such methods. He stresses that parents and grandparents must show love and affection, even resorting to "bribing" children with gifts, as this fosters a happy home environment. He quotes the saying, "Bring up a child according to his way," emphasizing the need for joy in the home to prevent children from becoming "warped."
Rabbi Bender then reflects on the state of Torah observance today, particularly the incredible growth of Torah learning in America, a phenomenon many thought impossible after the Holocaust. He contrasts the current vibrant Torah world with the pre-war era, when assimilation was rampant, even among girls, due to the influence of the Enlightenment. He shares his mother's story, a Holocaust survivor who became the first teacher in Bais Yaakov in America, despite not knowing English. She was instrumental in establishing girls' Torah education, a concept initially met with resistance. He emphasizes the importance of appreciating the unique life of Torah and family that we have, contrasting it with the emptiness that can be found in secular life, where people often lack the deep connections and meaning that come from a Torah-observant home.
He then shares a personal anecdote about a flight where a Catholic woman from Topeka, Kansas, observed him learning Chumash with Targum Onkelos and Rashi. She was fascinated by his dedication and then described her understanding of Shabbat: a husband dressed nicely, going to the synagogue with his boys, a wife lighting candles, and a fantastic feast with grandparents and children sharing their Torah learning. She expressed envy, stating that her family only had such gatherings twice a year. This encounter deeply impressed Rabbi Bender, highlighting how the beauty of Shabbat and Jewish family life can resonate even with outsiders. He stresses that we must cherish and maintain these homes, which are "soaking in Jerusalem," filled with laughter and Torah.
Rabbi Bender then speaks about the late Rabbi Freifeld, describing him as a towering figure who loved every Jew unconditionally. He recounts how Rabbi Freifeld would engage with students from all backgrounds, even those from farms, by learning about their lives and interests. Rabbi Freifeld's approach was to build people up and be available to them 24/7. His passing at a relatively young age left a void, as his unique blend of love and stature was difficult to replace.
The discussion shifts to contemporary challenges within the Torah world, particularly the issue of elitism and polarization in yeshivas, especially in Lakewood and Brooklyn. Rabbi Bender notes that this leads to children being unable to find suitable schools, a "terrible thing." He recounts how Rabbi Aharon Kotler, the Rosh Yeshiva of Beth Medrash Govoha in Lakewood, despite his stern demeanor, would actively help children find schools, demonstrating a deep concern for every individual. He emphasizes that great rabbis like Rabbi Chaim Ozer Grodzinski and Rabbi Mansour are always available to their communities, offering guidance on a vast array of topics, 24/7. He urges appreciation for this dedication and for our wives, who maintain our homes. He encourages kindness to everyone, even strangers and non-Jews, citing his mother's example of never yelling and always expressing love and disappointment gently.
Rabbi Bender then shares a story about Rabbi Kalman Epstein, a brilliant Torah scholar and son of Rabbi Zelig Epstein. Rabbi Kalman Epstein's first wife died young, and he remained at her bedside, only leaving to give his Torah lecture. On the last Yom Kippur of her life, he stayed with her, falling asleep next to her bed. He then went to the hospital chapel for the Neilah prayer. A Hasidic man there, before the Neilah, spoke about the wonderful camaraderie among the diverse people in the hospital, united by their shared difficulties. He urged them to commit to maintaining this unity and friendship even after they left the hospital, to overcome the polarization within the Jewish community. This powerful message resonated deeply with Rabbi Kalman Epstein. Rabbi Bender concludes by emphasizing the importance of this message: to overcome division and appreciate the unique, rich life of Torah, family, and community that we have, a life that is truly extraordinary and must be cherished and passed on to future generations.