There is a line that we say in our daily confession, which is also in our daily selichot, and it’s very apropos for this time of year.
After we say our confession... Ashamnu/ we are guilty, Bagadnu/ we have dealt treacherously....and on through the 22 letters of the alef bet, listing sins, we end with a pasuk from Nechemiah:
וְאַתָּה צַדִּיק עַל כָּל הַבָּא עָלֵינוּ
You are righteous on all that came upon us,
כִּי אֱמֶת עָשִׂיתָ וַאֲנַחְנוּ הִרְשָׁעְנוּ
You did correctly in dealing with us, and we are the ones that sinned.
Why do we say this after our confessions, and what is the explanation?
The Moshav Zekenim says the pasuk (Vayikrah, י״ט,טו)
בצדק תשפוט עמיתך
simply means Judge your friend justly,
but the deeper explanation given is that if a person has a challenge or a Middat HaDin, a justice from G-d upon him, it’s a positive commandment to accept G-d’s judgement, known as Siduk HaDin-acceptance of the judgement.
So, With righteousness, בצדקJudge your Friend תשפוט עמיתך
This “Friend” says the Moshav Zekenim, is G-d
Likewise, when someone has a tragedy, lo Alenu, they say Baruch Dayan Emet, Blessed is the true Judge, which indicates acceptance of G-d’s judgement. This is also called Siduk HaDin-acceptance of the judgement.
It says that at that moment, G-d glorifies Himself in front of the angels, and says, Look at My children, how they love Me and accept what I do to them, even though they don’t necessarily appreciate or understand how it’s good for them.
So, after we confess our sins, we say that line.
Rav Chaim Pilaggi says that when we say
אתה צַדִּיק עַל כָּל הַבָּא עָלֵינוּ
The words כל הבא עלינו can mean anything that is going to come upon us, or anything that has come upon us. He says that we should have the past in mind, not the future, because there is a rule called,
אל תפתח פה לשטן
Don’t open your mouth to the Satan
We don’t want to say that something bad should happen, Has V’Shalom, so we say, “Whatever has already happened.”
The Shelach HaKadosh says the same thing in Masechet Taanit ( letter 16):
אתה צדיק על כל הבא עלי
I accept whatever happened to me…
But that does not mean that I’m giving up hope. Even if I have a sharp sword on my throat, I will not give up hope. I continue to beg for mercy, and hope that this difficult situation and suffering should cleanse me, and that I’ll come out even stronger than before.
It is a dichotomy of sorts. On one hand, we say, G-d whatever you did is just and righteous. On the other hand we say, I’d like this suffering to end. Get me out of it and cleanse my sins.
So that’s why we say daily, whenever we confess, “I sinned, and everything that’s going wrong in my life because of my sins, I accept.”
Consider the power of this concept: The Gemarah, in Masechet Avodah, 16b tells the following story: Reb Eliezer the Tanna HaGaddol was taken, by the heretics, to be judged. They accused him, simply speaking, of involving himself in silly things, and they wanted him to be involved in their religion. His response to them was:
נֶאֱמָן עָלַי הַדַּיָין,
The judge is loyal, and good.
At that point, the gentile judge thought Rav Eliezer was talking about him. He said, “Wow, you believe in me? You trust the judge? You agree with what I am saying? You’re off the hook.”
In essence, says the Gemarah, when Rav Eliezer said the words נֶאֱמָן עָלַי הַדַּיָין, the Judge’s decision is loyal and accepted by me, Reb Eliezer was talking about G-d, and possibly even talking to G-d, saying,
“G-d, I accept your judgment.”
And at that moment, his sins were cleansed, and he was freed.
Rashi says what he meant was that
שבאמת דנני ליתן לי צרה שפשעתי לקוני
This judgment is true, I obviously sinned.
He was accepting of the death penalty upon him, while surely thinking, at the same time, “But please save me!”
Sure enough, it worked!
But that was not enough. It says that when he went home, he was very distraught. He could not figure out what he had done wrong. All his students came to comfort him, until Rabbi Akiva suggested a possible reason, and they worked it out.
This is fundamental of what we are supposed to be thinking at the end of the year.
Elul is the end of year, and we are supposed to reflect on the past year. There were a lot of great things that happened, and we will talk about that in Parashat Ki Tavoh, when we talk about Bikkurim and gratitude. On the other hand, not everything worked out the way we wanted it to. There were many challenges this year. There were people who went through (and might still be going through) great difficulties. So, we are supposed to say the following words, and mean them:
נֶאֱמָן עָלַי הַדַּיָין, Whatever Hashem did is just and right, and I accept it.
When Hashem sees that, He shows the angels and says, “See My creatures, see what they do?”
But that is not enough. We say another line in our selichot:
We will search out our ways, and delve into it, and return to Hashem.”
We have to say, “Okay Hashem, I have to fix something. I’m not sure what, but it has to be something.”
What a powerful way to turn around any bad decrees.
נֶאֱמָן עָלַי הַדַּיָין, Whatever Hashem did is just and right, and I accept it.
May we all merit to accept Hashem’s judgement and absolve ourselves of any evil decrees.
Have a wonderful day.