Good morning, everyone, and welcome to Daily Advice. Thank you very much for joining us. With God’s help, today’s topic is dispute.
Rabbotai, I want to tell you something very important when it comes to disputes, so please listen carefully. We know that on the fourth day, the Creator made the two great luminaries: the greater luminary to rule the day, the lesser luminary to rule the night, and the stars.
The verse is telling us that, originally, the sun and the moon were created with the same size, strength, power, and ability to illuminate. What happened? The moon said to the Creator, “It is not fair. You cannot have two kings reigning in the same place. You cannot have two kings.”
What did the Creator say? He told the moon to reduce and lessen its light. Then the Creator wanted to appease the moon. What did He do? He gave the moon the stars. All the light of the stars went to the moon. Why? Because the moon gave in. The moon gave in and surrendered its light, and the stars received that light.
If anyone knows anything about astronomy, he knows that the light of the stars can be much more powerful than the light of the sun itself. Therefore, a person has to realize that sometimes giving in is acceptable.
But we learn a very important idea from this. The moon had a legitimate claim. What was that claim? If you have two kings in the same place, you are bound to have a situation in which everyone thinks he is the boss. Everyone thinks he is in charge, and therefore things do not function properly. People do not cooperate, and no one relinquishes control to the other. You really need one leader.
Why am I telling you this? Sometimes partners go into business together, and both of them are leaders. That is fine, but it is very important to understand that there is such a thing as division of responsibilities. If you have a partner, that is wonderful, but you divide the tasks so that one person does not interfere in the other person’s area. If you are in charge of sales, I cannot tell you what to do in sales. If you are in charge of production, I cannot tell you what to do in production. If you are in charge of soliciting, I cannot interfere there, and the same applies to collections. That is how a person should conduct himself.
Why? Because we know what happens in a marriage. Each person has a role. The woman is called the foundation of the household. What does that mean? The house is her realm; it is her domain. You cannot tell her what to do there. You cannot say, “Come here—I want you to iron this way.” She will ask, “Why? I made it this way.” You cannot have two kings stirring the same pot.
Therefore, if you have two strong personalities, that is wonderful. Sometimes there are two strong personalities, especially when both the husband and the wife are the oldest children in their families. They may have been born with a tremendous sense of responsibility and a strong capacity for leadership. If they marry one another, they have to know how to divide responsibilities. Of course, we are not saying that they should not marry. Everyone simply has to understand: What is my area? What am I good at? What are my strengths? Where am I going to lead? Where am I going? And you have to allow the other person to do the same.
That is also how we should conduct ourselves in the service of God. We want to build. How do we build? We can have more than one leader, and everyone can be great and wonderful, but each person must understand: This is my department, and that is your department. You are responsible for your area, and I am responsible for mine. That is the most wonderful way to build a household.
With God’s help, we know that Hillel and Shammai were tremendous opponents when it came to halachic matters. Nevertheless, the Gemara writes that even though they had genuine disputes, including disputes involving marital matters, their families married one another. How could they marry one another? Because their disputes were for the sake of Heaven, and the Creator ensured that nobody would make a mistake.
That is what we have to do, with God’s help. Just as we said, there should not be two kings ruling in the same place. If you have two kings, that is fine: one is in charge of this town, and the other is in charge of that town. One person is responsible for one area, and the other person is responsible for another area. That is the way it works.
By doing this, with God’s help, we will have a dispute for the sake of Heaven, and such a dispute will endure. With God’s help, we will endure and succeed, and we will have success in everything we do. These are wonderful character traits to have before the New Year. In this way, we will have genuine peace, and with God’s help we will go forward in peace and live together in peace.