In Parashat Ekev, Moshe Rabbenu recounts one of the most tragic events in our nation’s history – the sin of the golden calf. As we recall from the Book of Shemot (chapter 32), Beneh Yisrael saw that Moshe did not return from the top of Mount Sinai when they expected, and they figured he wasn’t coming back. They approached Aharon and demanded that he make for them a graven image to take Moshe’s place. Ahraron asked them to bring their gold, and he made a golden calf, which they then worshipped the next day.
Moshe returned, and G-d punished the nation severely.
Here in Parashat Ekev, Moshe recalls how Hashem was very angry at Aharon because of this incident: ובאהרון התאנף ה' מאד להשמידו, ואתפלל גם בעד אהרון – “Hashem was very angry at Aharon, and was going to destroy him, and I prayed also for Aharon” (9:20). Rashi explains that Hashem decreed that Aharon’s four sons would all die because of his role in the sin of the golden calf, but Moshe interceded on Aharon’s behalf. His prayers were partially successful, as Aharon ended up losing two sons – Nadav and Avihu – while the other two survived.
It is clear from Rashi’s comments that Aharon acted wrongly in this incident.
Other sources, though, say just the opposite.
The Gemara in Masechet Sanhedrin (7a) tells that before the people approached Aharon, they had first gathered around another leader, the prophet Hur, who refused to make an idol, and the people promptly killed him. Aharon feared that if he also resisted, the people would kill him, too, and after killing both a prophet and kohen on the same day, the people would have no chance of recovering. He therefore felt it was preferable to make an idol.
Similarly, the Midrash (Vayikra Rabbah, 10) teaches that Aharon did this as a stalling tactic. If the people went ahead with their idea on their own, the project would have been completed in just an hour. Aharon therefore decided he would take charge, and proceed very slowly, in the hope that Moshe would return in the meantime. The Midrash tells that Aharon was actually rewarded for his efforts by becoming kohen gadol.
According to these sources, Aharon acted correctly – and was even rewarded!!!
The Be’er Yosef explains that there is no contradiction here at all. Because one act can be both right and wrong, both good and bad.
Although the Be’er Yosef does not specify what Aharon could had done differently, he writes that Aharon did the right thing by making the golden calf, for the reasons discussed, but it was still problematic. It resulted in widespread idol worship, and thus Aharon was punished. Surprising as it sounds, Aharon was both rewarded and punished for his role in the golden calf. This act was both right and wrong.
Imagine a religiously observant businessman who, for the sake of his business, needs to attend a sales show in Las Vegas. Virtually every rabbi would tell him that can go, as this is necessary for his livelihood. But this does not mean that this trip is not problematic. The man must be extremely careful to ensure that he does not cross any lines, that he does not allow himself any form of impropriety. Like Aharon, the businessman faces a complex situation with no easy, clear-cut solution.
There are people in our lives whom we have legitimate grievances against. We might feel that our parents made mistakes raising us. We might feel that a sibling was not always as nice as he or she should be. We might feel that our spouse doesn’t quite meet our expectations. And we might feel disappointed in our children.
But even if all this is true, this does not mean that they do not deserve our respect.
Life is complicated. Like Aharon, all people frequently face situations where the line between right and wrong is not so clearly drawn. And so, like Aharon, they deserve to be respected and appreciated even if we legitimately feel they wronged us.
Very few people are either “good” or “bad.” The vast majority of people are generally good, even though they sometimes, or many times, get it wrong. Let’s try to respect people even if they’ve gotten it wrong and even if they still get it wrong. Let’s try to see all the good that they do, respect all the good that they do, and show them our sincere appreciation.