King Shlomo writes a cryptic pasuk in the Book of Mishleh (30:18): שלשה המה נפלאו ממני, וארבעה לא ידעתים – “There are three that are beyond me, and four I have not known.”
The Ben Ish Hai explains that this pasuk is talking about the observance of Pesach.
We observe the three primary mitzvot of the seder – the korban pesach, matzah, and marror – but still, נפלאו ממני, the time of our redemption remains unknown. We celebrate our redemption from Egypt as we are commanded to, but we still have not experienced our redemption from our current exile. The reason, the pasuk continues, is because ארבעה לא ידעתים – we still do not know how to properly observe the “four,” the mitzvah of the four species on Sukkot. This mitzvah symbolizes the bringing together of different kinds of Jews. This is something we have still not succeeded in achieving, and this is why we still have not earned redemption.
Pesach is a time when families get together. In fact, in the times of the Bet Ha’midkash, families needed to get together, because the sheep brought as the korban pesach had to be completely eaten, and this was impossible unless the extended family came together for a joint sacrifice. But as we all know, bringing the extended family together can sometimes cause problems. And one of the reasons why is because every family has “four species” – several different types of Jews. In order to make it work, we need to be able to accept people for who they are, even if they are very different from us.
A doctor who was very close with Rav Dovid Feinstein recently told me the following story. A man came to Rav Feinstein and explained that his wife was a recovering alcoholic. Her addiction was so severe, he said, that she could not even be in the same room as wine. Therefore, every Shabbat and every holiday, the family used grape juice for kiddush, instead of wine. But that year, the man’s father wanted to bring the entire family – 50 people – to Israel to celebrate Pesach together. The father was elderly, and he did not know whether he would have another opportunity to bring the entire family together.
The man did not know what to do. If he and his family would go, then everyone in the room – all 50 people – would have to use grape juice instead of wine for the four cups at the seder. Halachically, it is preferable to use wine. The man asked Rav Feinstein what he should do.
Rav Feinstein replied that it was worth making all 50 family members use grape juice in order to fulfill the father’s wishes and bring the entire family together.
When an extended family comes together, making accommodations for one another, the result is very powerful.
In the Dayenu section of the Haggadah, we say, אלו קרבנו לפני הר סיני ולא נתן לנו את התורה, דיינו – “If He had brought us to Mount Sinai and not given us the Torah, this would have been enough for us.” Many commentators raised the question of why it would have been “enough” just to have arrived at Mount Sinai, without receiving the Torah. One answer is that, as the Rabbis teach, the nation encamped at Mount Sinai כאיש אחד בלב אחד – “as one person, with one heart.” This unity is immensely valuable. It is something so precious. Even if we would have not received the Torah, it would have been worth coming to Har Sinai just to experience the special unity that was achieved there.
Let us rise to the challenge and come together with our families in peace, love and harmony despite our differences, so that our fulfillment of the mitzvot of Pesach this year will bring us our long-awaited redemption, במהרה בימינו, אמן.