In Parashat Vayera, we read of a time when parents faced a drastic situation involving their child that required drastic action.
The Torah tells that Sarah saw that there was trouble with her son, Yitzhak. Yishmael, Avraham’s wife from his maidservant, was מצחק – “playing” with Yitzhak. The Rabbis explain that this means something far worse than being “playful” – Yishmael was committing the worst sins with Yitzhak. Sarah reached the conclusion that Yishmael needed to be sent out of the home. Avraham did not like the idea, but Hashem told him that Sarah was correct, and so he sent Yishmael away.
Today, I’m afraid, all parents face a drastic situation that calls for drastic measures.
Today’s culture is מצחק – pulling our youngsters in through “playfulness.” All the different forms of entertainment which our kids have now around the clock threatens to pull them away from the path that we want them to follow. Movies are funny and games are fun – מצחק – thereby luring our children away from what’s really important and meaningful.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. Of course, we cannot send away the negative influences the way Avraham sent away Yishmael. This is not possible. The influences are right there on the kids’ devices.
What, then, can we do to counter the dangerous influences which pervade our children’s lives?
I think there are two things which every parent must do:
1) Make Hashem and Torah part of the family’s life. Perhaps 20 or 30 years ago, it was enough for parents to enroll their children in yeshivas to satisfy their educational responsibilities. Not so today. We need to have Hashem and Torah part of our daily conversation. We need to make sure Torah stands front and center in our home. And the way we do this is by asking questions, discussing, debating, and speaking about Torah matters. We need to regularly include Torah subjects in our home life with our children so that these subjects are on their minds and something they think about.
2) Respect your children. If I would say this 50 years ago, I would be fired, because it would be totally backwards. But in today’s day and age, it’s so true, and so important. We need to show our children respect. Not by letting them do whatever they want, but by speaking to them as adults – asking their opinion, consulting with them, listening attentively to what they have to say, taking an interest in the things that are important them, and discussing things with them in a mature, adult-like manner.
The reason why this is so important is because respect is the one thing our children are not getting from our entertainment culture. All the vanity out there is entertaining them and making them laugh, but it’s killing their self-esteem and self-confidence, by making them feel small and inadequate. Our kids are very insecure, and they are desperately lacking respect. If we give it to them, then we will succeed in building a strong connection with them and influencing them the right way.
The Jewish People have always excelled in adhering to our values and traditions while adapting to the unique needs of every time and place. We must rise to the occasion presented by our modern-day challenges, too, and make the necessary adjustments in our parenting style in order to confront the unique challenges of our time so we can educate our children to follow the path of Torah and mitzvot throughout their lives.