The Torah in Parashat Vayigash tells the dramatic story of Yosef’s revealing his identity to his brothers. When he decided to finally tell them who he was, he announced to them: אני יוסף אחיכם אשר מכרתם אותי מצרימה – “I am your brother, Yosef, whom you sold to Egypt.”
Why did Yosef find it necessary to mention to his brothers at this moment that they had sold him to Egypt? They obviously had not forgotten about what they did. Why is this emphasized when Yosef told them who he was?
The answer might be that Yosef was telling his brothers, “It doesn’t matter what you did to me. Even though you sold me as a slave – I am still ‘your brother, Yosef.’ We are still brothers, and we will always be brothers. Nothing you’ve done to me could ever change that.”
This is a crucial point that we need to remember when it comes to family: our relationships with our family members last forever. We can end friendships, but we cannot end familial relationships. We will always be our parents’ children, our children’s parents, our siblings’ siblings, and our cousins’ cousins. Nothing that they do or we do can ever change that.
Unfortunately, it often happens that the pain of the moment causes people to forget this truism. People feel hurt or offended, and so they react drastically, sometimes to the point of permanently breaking the relationship. Yosef teaches us that there is another way. אני יוסף אחיכם. He realized that no matter what, he was still their brother. Family is forever.
Yosef proceeded to tell his brothers, ועתה אל תעצבו...כי מכרתם אותי הנה, כי למחיה שלחני אלוקים לפניכם – “Now, do not be upset…that you sold me here, because G-d sent me before you for sustenance.” Yosef acknowledged that it was only because his brothers sold him that he ended up becoming the viceroy in Egypt and saving the world from starvation. He was brought to Egypt and purchased by Potifar, whose wife falsely accused him of assaulting her, leading to his imprisonment in a dungeon, where he correctly interpreted the dreams of the baker and the cupbearer, and the cupbearer then recommended him to interpret Pharaoh’s dreams. As a result of Yosef’s interpretation of Pharaoh’s dreams, Pharaoh appointed him as leader, and Yosef stored grain so that there would be food during the seven years of famine.
The brothers treated him very harshly – but Hashem arranged that this would happen so that Yosef would become the outstanding leader that he was destined to become.
We of course do not want family struggles. We want everything to go smoothly, and everyone to get along seamlessly with one another. But when there are struggles, we need to remember – כי למחיה שלחני אלוקים. These struggles are what make us stronger and build us into the people we need to become. We aren’t going to grow by having everything go smoothly all the time. Yosef would not have ended up saving the world if he had enjoyed a peaceful life with his family. He needed to go through what he went through in order to become the outstanding figure that he was. And this is true of all of us. Struggles – especially family struggles – build our characters and help us attain greatness.
This is something we need to remember when we feel hurt or offended by a family member. Instead of reacting harshly, we should remind ourselves that family is forever, and family struggles will, in the long run, help us be better people. If we live with this mindset, we will, hopefully, enjoy stronger, closer relationships within the family, avoid unnecessary conflicts and tension, and, perhaps most importantly, develop ourselves into the great people that we are capable of becoming.