Getting Along: Lessons From the Spies
In January, 1929, the United States was enjoying phenomenal prosperity. The economy was booming, industry was growing, stock investments were soaring, and many people were getting rich. However, many commercial and economic experts at that time knew that the good times could not last, that big trouble was looming. People were buying for $100 stocks that were worth just $1. They were essentially buying air, and the bubble was growing so fast that a burst was inevitable.
Historians say that the leaders of that time – people such as the president, the Secretary of the Treasury, and the leaders of the Federal Reserve – had a decision to make. They could either implement measures that would bring the economy down in a moderate, controlled fashion, which would have minimized the damage and avoided economic depression, or just allow the situation to continue, and wait for the collapse to occur on its own. In the second scenario, the crash would be devastating and result in a severe financial crisis. However, if they chose the first option, these leaders would be blamed for the downturn, and despite its being relatively mild, they would come under harsh criticism. The latter option, they figured, would yield devastating consequences, but since the collapse would occur on its own, they would not be blamed. As we know, they chose the second option, and by the end of 1929, the U.S. economy had crashed and the country entered the Great Depression.
These leaders faced the most unenviable choice of either saving the country at the expense of their reputation or preserving their reputation at the expense of the country. They needed to decide whether to put their own egotistical concerns ahead of the needs of the country, or to expose themselves to widespread censure for the sake of the greater good.
The Spies’ Dilemma, and Our Daily Dilemma
A similar decision needed to be made millennia earlier by the leaders of the twelve tribes of Israel.
Parashat Shelah tells the story of the meragelim, the spies, the delegation of twelve tribal leaders sent by Moshe Rabbenu to check out Eretz Yisrael and report their findings. Instead of exciting the people by describing to them the land’s unique, outstanding qualities, they did just the opposite – they instilled fear in the people and besmirched the Land of Israel, convincing the people that they should not go there.
The Zohar offers a well-known explanation for why and how these great men made such a grave mistake. They knew that upon entering Eretz Yisrael, they would lose their prestigious positions of leadership. In the desert, they enjoyed honor and power as leaders of the tribes. Once Beneh Yisrael entered the land, however, there would no longer be tribal leaders, and thus they would no longer serve in any distinguished position. This concern led them to conspire to frighten the people so they would not want to enter Eretz Yisrael.
It is easy for us to be smug and criticize the U.S. government in 1929 and the spies for their decisions, for putting their egotistical concerns ahead of the country’s concerns. But let us ask ourselves honestly, are we so sure that we would have acted differently? Would we have been prepared to sacrifice our reputations, or to lose our jobs, for the sake of the general good? Would we be prepared to subject ourselves to criticism and scorn and make unpopular decisions that we knew would be best for the country? Would we really be willing to give up our jobs for the sake of the general public?
On a smaller scale, this dilemma is one which we face quite often, perhaps even every day.
We are sitting around together with family members or friends, and somebody make an annoying critical remark. “That was so dumb. Why did you do that?” “Why did you make that for dinner?” “Why didn’t you leave a parking spot for me?” “Why did you start without me?” When we hear these comments, we naturally feel upset, and we have a choice to make. The intuitive response is to do what the American leaders did in 1929 and what the spies did when they were sent to scout the land – to put our reputation first. Understandably, we want to defend ourselves. We don’t want to be told that we have done something wrong, and so we feel like returning fire to protect our reputation. But this is, quite clearly, not serving the greater good. The only foreseeable consequence of defending ourselves is to allow a fight to break out, or, at least, to create tension and hostility, which is bad for everybody. The interest of the group, of the family or the social circle, is to remain silent. We need to hold back and restrain ourselves for the sake of the group.
These situations present themselves all the time, but especially in the summer, when it is common for two or more families find themselves living together for extended periods. “Your kids are always up late.” “Why do you let your kids act this way?” We so often hear annoying comments questioning our decisions and conduct. We need to put the family’s best interests ahead of our own, and hold our tongues.
Of course, this does not mean that we should turn ourselves into somebody’s punching bag. If a friend or relative is repeatedly and consistently offensive or overly critical, then we should say something – though not at that moment. We should find a time when everyone is calm and relaxed, and respectfully point out that the remarks are hurtful. Generally speaking, however, if the relationship is, for the most part, healthy and positive, but there is an occasional “annoying” remark, silence is the best response.
The truth is, as evidenced by these two examples – the Great Depression and the sin of the spies – this is not really a decision between one’s own interests and the greater good. Because when the greater good is served, everyone benefits. After the Great Depression struck, those leaders were blamed anyway. And the spies, who looked out for their own prestige, died by a plague because of what they did. Had these leaders looked out for the greater good, they would have benefited along with the rest of the nation.
When we exercise restraint and humility in response to annoying comments, we are actually not sacrificing anything. After all, we, too, are part of the family or group whose interests we are looking out for. When the entire unit is happy, then we are happy, too. And so everyone wins if we just keep quiet and move on.
Yehoshua’s Humility
The Torah tells that just before Moshe sent the spies to Eretz Yisrael, he changed the name of one them – his close student, Yehoshua, whose name was initially Hoshea. It was on this occasion that Moshe changed his student’s name to Yehoshua. Rashi explains the name יהושע as an allusion to a prayer Moshe recited on Yehoshua’s behalf: י-ה יושיעך מעצת המרגלים – “G-d shall save you from the conspiracy of the spies.” Moshe uttered a special prayer that Yehoshua would not be misled along with the rest of the spies and would oppose their scheme.
Why did Moshe pray only Yehoshua? Was he playing favoritism? Why did only Yehoshua deserve a prayer, but not the other spies?
The answer emerges from Targum Yonatan Ben Uziel’s Aramaic translation of this verse. Targum Yonatan writes that Moshe prayed for Yehoshua because he saw Yehoshua’s exceptional humility. Moshe knew that because Yehoshua was humble, he would not fall into the trap that spies fell into. They were victims of their egos, their desire to protect their honor. Yehoshua, who had no ego, would not be susceptible to this mistake.
As mentioned earlier, the summer is a time when families spend a lot of time together and even move in together for prolonged periods. This situation can be very rewarding, but it is vital for everyone to leave their egos at the door. When a person is humble, and knows how to put the general interest above his own egotistical interests, he has a far better chance of achieving happiness and success. If we are wise enough not to repeat the mistake of the spies, and we instead put our egos to the side and focus on what’s best for everyone, then we will enjoy the quality time spent with family and friends, and have a truly peaceful and delightful summer.