Parashat Ki-Tisa begins with the mitzvah of מחצית השקל – the half-shekel donation that every member of Beneh Yisrael was to make each year to the Bet Ha’mikdash, and which also served as the means of counting the nation. The Midrash teaches that after G-d gave this command to Moshe, he had difficulty understanding it. Hashem therefore showed Moshe a half-shekel coin made from fire, and told him that this was the coin which Beneh Yisrael were to give for this mitzvah.
Why did Hashem show Moshe specifically a coin of fire? Why didn’t He simply show him a regular picture of this coin?
The answer might be that Hashem was teaching us that money is like fire.
Nothing is more constructive and beneficial than fire. We use fire to cook our food and to heat our homes. Fire is used to make metal, glass, plastic and rubber. It is likely no exaggeration to say that almost everything we use in our lives was made with fire. Fire is one of the most important and useful natural phenomena that exist.
But at the same time, fewer things are more dangerous and destructive than fire. Unfortunately, our community knows all too well the tragic, devastating effects of fire. As useful and vitally important as fire is to daily life, it also has catastrophically destructive potential.
The same is true of money. Judaism does not believe that money is bad; it views money as fire, as something which is immensely beneficial but potentially destructive, and this is precisely why Hashem showed Moshe a מחצית השקל made from fire.
Money brings us so many blessings. It enables us to live comfortably, healthfully and meaningfully. Without money, we cannot achieve anything. But it can also be terribly destructive. Many people throughout the ages have fulfilled their dreams of wealth, which they thought would lead to unbridled happiness, only to see their lives fall apart because of their wealth.
The Never-Ending Thrillathon
There is one relatively recent trend which, I believe, shows one especially widespread dangerous consequence of money. I must emphasize that I certainly do not believe this to be the most pressing issue facing our community, a grave matter of urgency that requires immediate action. Absolutely, we have greater problems than this. Nevertheless, I believe that this trend has created a mindset which is making true happiness and contentment increasingly difficult to attain.
I refer to the trend of frequent travel. It is becoming increasingly common in our community for people to travel numerous times a year for vacations and special events, to the point where for many, four or five vacations a year is standard and self-understood.
To explain why I believe this is problematic, I’ll share my own experience.
I do not travel that often, but it happened one year that I ended up traveling twice within a two-month period. My wife and I went away to celebrate our 20th wedding anniversary, and then later I went to Israel for winter break. This is very unusual for me, and I noticed something a month or so after the trip to Israel – I started asking myself, “So when am I going away next?” I had no trips planned, so I began whining in my mind, “Gosh, my life is so boring! I’m just staying at home?!”
This is one of the dangers of frequent traveling, when life becomes one long “thrillathon.” We enjoy one thrill, and then we need to top it with something else. Rather than making us happy, our traveling ensures we are never happy – as we feel the constant drive to find something even more exciting than what we’ve just experienced.
Let’s take the example of a young couple that gets married, and with the money they’ve saved or received from their wedding they decide to go away to Florida. A few months later, one of the families makes a bar-mitzva in Israel, and they go with the family to celebrate. A few months later, their friends invite them to join a ski-trip. Then they go away for Pesach. By the end of their first year of marriage, they have already flown to four destinations. The next year, they feel they need to find more exotic destinations. Then when several children come along, together with tuition payments and all the other huge expenses involved in raising children – how do they expect to keep up the thrillathon?
There are kids in our community who are too young to drive, but get together for a Super Bowl party in a rented party room in the Waldorf, enjoying a scrumptious $100 meal. We can only wonder, if this is what they’re doing on Super Bowl Sunday when they’re 15, how are they going to top it when they’re 18 or 20? Are they going to have “destination Super Bowl parties”?
Again, I realize our community has more serious problems to worry about than Super Bowl parties in the Waldorf. At the same time, however, I have seen people who live life as a never-ending thrillathon, in a constant state of “overthrill,” and very often, it starts as youngsters. If children grow accustomed to regularly enjoying new thrills, this is what they come to expect, and they will never feel satisfied, as they will always be expecting something even more exciting than their last thrill.
Balancing Stability and Spontaneity
Our Rabbis knew about this problem very well, and warned us of the dangers of turning our lives into a never-ending “thrillathon.”
The Talmud teaches us that יצרו של אדם מתחדש עליו בכל יום – “a person’s [evil] inclination is renewed against him each day.” The simple meaning of this statement is that a person’s sinful tendencies never entirely go away; we will always have religious challenges to confront of one sort or another. But additionally, this means that we have an “evil inclination” for חידוש – for something new, for excitement, for something different each day. One of our human weaknesses is our tendency to grow bored with what we’re used to. We crave freshness, newness, excitement and thrills.
Long ago, my wife and I decided that for our kids’ birthday parties we’ll take them out for ice cream. For every birthday, we had an ice cream outing. What ended up happening was that our kids weren’t excited about ice cream anymore. I made a similar mistake when I decided to encourage my young boys to come to shul on Shabbat by taking them for slurpies after Shabbat if they made it to shul all three times. It took only a few weeks for slurpies to become boring and unexciting. My kids lost the joy of ice cream and the joy of slurpies because they got used to them.
I’m afraid our community has done this to things like Florida and Israel. Traveling to Florida and Israel, for many in our community, is just not a “thing” anymore. It’s passé. It’s boring. It’s too ordinary. Been there, did that, done that. People need more exciting travel destinations. They feel that if you’re going to fly to Florida, you might as well just stay home.
Which leads us to the frightening question of, where is this going to end up? If yesterday’s exciting trip is today’s run-in-the-mill, then today’s exciting trip is going to be tomorrow’s run-in-the-mill. What will people do for thrill and excitement then? How far is this going to go?
Psychology teaches us that happiness requires a delicate balance between stability and spontaneity. We need spontaneity, new and exciting things in our lives from time to time. If we do the same thing every day, then life can get bland and dull, and we feel unhappy. We need to satisfy this craving for חידוש by having special things in our lives every now and then. But we also need stability – a steady, consistent routine. It is not healthy for a family to always have suitcases by the door, always preparing for the next trip. We need to be able to enjoy our stability, to find satisfaction in our ordinary routine, without always looking ahead to the next exciting thrill.
The difficulty in maintaining this balance is one of the factors that contributed to the tragedy of חטא העגל, the sin of the golden calf, which we read about in Parashat Ki-Tisa. Beneh Yisrael had lived for quite a while on a “thrillathon” of sorts. In Egypt, they watched as Hashem delivered miraculous plague after miraculous plague against the Egyptians who enslaved them. They watched as their former tormentors begged them to leave the country in the middle of the night and showered them with gold and diamonds. They watched the sea split so they could pass through, and then the waters fall back on the Egyptians, drowning them. Then they started receiving food from heaven and water from a miraculous traveling well. Then they came to Mount Sinai and saw the spectacle of Matan Torah. Hardly a month or two went by without something new and exciting happening.
Then, they found themselves there at Mount Sinai without Moshe Rabbenu, the one who had brought them all of this. They started panicking. Who was going to bring them more miracles? How were they going to have their next thrill? This led them to the grave mistake of חטא העגל. They needed something new and exciting – and so they turned to a whole new religion, the worship of a golden calf, as their answer. They couldn’t just stick with their stability and routine. They needed something new and different.
How can we maintain this balance? What can we do to satisfy our desire for חידוש without losing our stability and our joy in the ordinary?
Work is Fun
I once came home late one night to find my teenage daughter with a bunch of friends in the kitchen. All over were trays of sambousak, mini pizzas and pastries. They were baking for a special brunch they would be having in school.
“Wow, this looks like fun!” I said to them.
“Actually,” one of the girls replied, “it’s hard work.”
“That doesn’t mean it’s not fun,” I explained. “It can be both.”
One of the things we are losing in our day and age is the joy of hard work, of putting in effort and seeing the fruits of our labor. We expect everything to come automatically, with a few “clicks,” and we don’t see anything good about hard work.
This is part of the reason why so many people live in a constant state of “overthrill.” They assume that working hard is bad, and so they feel a desperate need to get away from hard work and treat themselves. But the truth is that hard work is good. It’s rewarding. Taking on a challenge and pursuing it is fun and exciting. We don’t need to fly to some exotic location for excitement. We should find excitement right where we are, in the day-to-day responsibilities that we have. Families should be taking on projects that they do together and work hard to complete. When the goal is reached, there is nothing more exciting. And the next thrill is another, perhaps more challenging, project, instead of an even more exotic vacation. Once we realize that work is fun and rewarding, we will curb the urge for lavish thrills.
Today, people complain that they’re busy, that their schedules are jampacked and they have a lot to take care of. But if we think about it, isn’t that a good thing? If we have a lot to do, it means our lives are productive and meaningful. It’s good for kids to have homework assignments, to get involved in hesed projects and to help out in the home. Having lots to do is uplifting and is what makes life fulfilling and enjoyable. Once we realize this, we won’t always be looking for new thrills.
Build Up the Little Things
One of the most ingenious aspects of our religious is the berachah of אשר יצר – the berachah we recite each time we leave the restroom after performing our bodily functions. Several times each and every day, we need to stop for a moment to appreciate the wonders of the human body. We usually don’t pay attention to the infinite wisdom of our anatomy, to the miracle that occurs every millisecond that our bodies function. And so our Sages instituted this blessing in which we stop to reflect upon the fact that Hashem created our bodies בחכמה, with unfathomable wisdom. Using the restroom shows us the miracle of the human body, how on its own it discharges harmful waste products.
Judaism teaches us to appreciate the little things, to find excitement in, and to be awed by, even the seemingly small blessings of life.
Why are people always looking for thrills? Part of the reason is because they are not thrilled by the little things they already have, they fail to appreciate the countless exciting blessings that they already enjoy.
When I was a little kid, we received rewards for learning well in school. What was our reward? We were given a few sprinkles. Yes, a small handful of sprinkles, and this was enough to get us excited. The real superstar in class would get…a chocolate chip. Just one chocolate chip. By the time we reached 7th grade, we would get a can of soda – and we were so excited each time. We would drink only half the can and then put in the fridge to save it for the next day.
Today, some might look back and say I had a deprived childhood. But I didn’t. I was happy. I was excited by a chocolate chip and by a can of soda. Kids can and should be taught to appreciate the little things, small rewards, and inexpensive treats. They can and should get excited by simple joys. If a kid is regularly taken out to a high-end restaurant and treated to an $80 steak, their expectations will continue to rise as they get older. What will they want when they’re 18 or 20?
We are not doing our children any favors by accustoming them to luxuries so that they are always expecting something grand. They are far better off being taught to appreciate the little things, the simple joys of life. If they can do this, then they will be truly excited by the occasional large trip or thrill, without living life as a never-ending thrillathon.
Be Creative
Another thing we can do is stop viewing money as the solution to everything, and as the key to happiness and excitement.
A woman once told me that she and her husband decided to give their children a present each and every night of Hanukah. What were these presents? One night, she told her children that their bedtime was going to be 15 minutes later from then on. The next night, they touched up the bedrooms a bit, making them a little different and more interesting. Each night, they came up with some creative but simple idea to introduce some small change in the family that the kids would enjoy. And the kids got excited by it. They didn’t need a fancy, expensive new gadget, or a luxury trip somewhere. They got excited by simple new things.
I recall once after an especially busy period, I wanted to do something special for my boys. I hadn’t spent much time with them for several weeks due to my overloaded schedule, and so I wanted to do something for them. My impulse was to think of a gift to buy for them. But instead, I took them downstairs to the basement and played hockey with them. It was perfect. I didn’t cost me anything, and it was loads of fun. Rather than buy them something that they would be bored with in another few weeks, at best, I decided to have some fun time with them, and this is something which they will remember and appreciate years into the future.
The credit card is not always the answer to bringing fun and excitement into the home and into our lives. With a little thought and creativity, we can find ways to give our kids fun and providing the occasional חידוש they need without resorting to lavish, expensive thrills.
העשיר לא ירבה
One final thing we need to remember is that having money to spend does not mean that it should be spent.
The first time Beneh Yisrael were called upon to donate a מחצית השקל was at the time the Mishkan was constructed. The people were encouraged to make voluntary donations, each person according to his means, and then they were required to each give the modest מחצית השקל donation. The Torah commands, העשיר לא ירבה והדל לא ימעיט – the rich were not allowed to give more, and the poor were not allowed to give less. Most of the Mishkan was donated voluntarily, with the rich giving more and the poor giving less, but there was one “equalizer” donation – the מחצית השקל, which was the same for each and every person, regardless of financial status.
This command sends an important message about community life. There is nothing wrong with wealth, and there is nothing wrong with enjoying one’s wealth. However, in community life, there should be areas that are “equal,” that are standard, where things are generally done the same by all, regardless of financial standing. There is great value in moderation for the sake of keeping communal expectations in check. I cannot give a precise prescription of how many vacations and what kind of vacations are acceptable, and which aren’t. I am talking about a general mindset – the realization that spending lots of money is not always a good thing, even if one is able to; the realization that happiness has to come from simple things, and that people should not feel pressured to pay more and more money for more and more exciting thrills to keep themselves and their children happy.
I’ve spoken to young men in our community who are afraid to get married because they know how difficult it is going to be to thrill a girl from our community. They know that the standards and expectations have gotten out of control, and they are worried that it would be impossible to keep a girl happy and excited. People need to balance the legitimate desire to enjoy a comfortable lifestyle with the value of העשיר לא ירבה, of keeping our communal standards reasonable. Girls in our community should be given the chance to be excited by a young man taking her to an ordinary restaurant and spending a pleasant evening together. Our children should be able to feel happy and content doing normal, everyday things, without having to look forward to the next thrill which will surpass the last one. And this is something that we all need to come together to do, through the realization of העשיר לא ירבה – that we don’t need to spend lots of money on thrills, even if we are able to.
Happiness doesn’t live on an airplane. We don’t need to fly somewhere distant and exotic in order to experience joy. We can find joy in ice cream, in friendships, in family, in a quiet walk with our spouse, in a fun board game with our kids. So let’s stop looking for thrills, and start enjoying the simple things, of which there are so many. If we enjoy the little things, we will curb the urge for “overthrill,” and we will feel happy and excited each day, right here at home.