A certain Chabad Rabbi in Australia, named Rabbi Aron Moss, once received an email from a congregant, asking a question about something he read in Tanya, the primary work of Chabad Chassidic teaching. In one passage, the author of Tanya writes that people are capable of controlling their behavior, their speech, and their thoughts. The person who wrote the letter did not understand how it is possible to control thoughts. Some thoughts just pop up in our heads. How can anyone say that we have control over our thoughts?
The letter-writer concluded the letter by mentioning that he was resending this email, which he had sent two weeks earlier, without receiving a response, and he was wondering if the Rabbi perhaps had not received it.
The Rabbi answered as follows:
Apologies for not responding sooner to your message. I actually did receive it the first time. But I ignored it. I didn't even open it. And it was deliberate.
I decide which messages I open, and which I don't. Just because an alert pops up on my screen does not mean I have to react to it. I may not be able to control the messages that arrive in my inbox, but I can certainly control whether or not I open them. And I didn't open yours.
My not answering your question is the answer to your question. You may not be able to control the thoughts that pop into your head. But you most certainly can control your reaction to them. If an inappropriate thought enters your mind, you have the choice to entertain it or reject it.
And that is the challenge we are given, to take the reins of our brains and push away negative thinking. When you reject a bad thought, you don't allow it to become yours, you don't identify it. And each time you do, you become the master of your inbox.
Unless you are a very holy person, you will experience bad thoughts on a regular basis. Sometimes they will be about yourself - "I am a loser, I will never accomplish anything." Sometimes they will be about others - "I could kill that guy." Some of those thoughts may be pretty ugly. You have no power to stop them flashing through your mind.
But you do have the choice to leave those thoughts unopened.
Bad thoughts popping up into your head? That's normal. Delete and go to next message.
In Parashat Vayehi, Yaakov Avinu sensed that he would soon leave this world, and so he gathered his children around his bed, and gave them his blessings. As soon as he finished speaking, he closed his eyes, and died. Why did he wait until just before his death to bless his children? The commentaries explain that during the moments before a person’s death, he has the greatest clarity. With one foot already in the next world, he has a clearer perspective on life, on priorities, on what’s important and what isn’t. And this is the best time to give one’s blessing.
Yaakov Avinu’s father, Yitzhak, also gave his sons blessings when he was old and sensed his end was nearing. The Torah introduces that story by stating: ויהי כי זקן יצחק ותכהינה עיניו מראות – Yitzhak grew old, and his eyes became blind. The older we get, the more we are able to “blind” ourselves to what we don’t need to pay attention to, to ignore the “messages” we receive but do not need really to open. This is the clarity we gain with age.
The Mishnah in Pirkeh Avot (5:11) describes different kinds of people with regard to anger. One type, the highest level, is קשה לכעוס ונוח לרצות – a person who is slow to anger, and easy to be appeased and have his anger assuaged. Such a person does not usually become angry, and when he does, he gets over it very quickly. Such a person, the Mishnah says, is a חסיד – a pious person. One of the Rabbis pointed out that the Mishnah does not say that somebody who never gets angry is a חסיד; the pious person is slow to anger and easy to appease, and not somebody who never gets angry. The reason, this Rabbi explained, is because who never gets angry is not a חסיד – he’s an angel.
Somebody who never gets angry, who never gets upset, who never has a nasty thought enter his mind, is not human. It’s human to have negative thoughts enter one’s mind. The חסיד is the one who knows which thoughts to “delete,” to ignore, to pay no attention to.
And this is true about all negative thoughts – anxiety, frustration, disappointment, and so on. We are going to have these thoughts enter our minds. Things are going to worry us, upset us, and make us angry. But if we’re smart, we’ll ignore these thoughts and move on to the next “message.” Instead of dwelling on our anger, fear or frustration, we’ll focus on being productive, on doing the things we know are meaningful and which bring us satisfaction.
Countless “messages” enter our brain each and every day. We need to know which ones to open, and which ones to ignore. We should ignore the messages which stifle us and knock us down, and stop to “read” the messages which empower us, which energize us, and which motivate us to continue growing and achieving.