Parashat Shelah tells one of the most tragic stories in the entire Torah – the story of the spies.
Beneh Yisrael were about to enter the Land of Israel. Moshe sent a team of spies to take a tour of the land and then tell the people what it’s like. The idea was to get the people excited about Eretz Yisrael. Instead, the exact opposite occurred.
The spies came back with a negative report, scaring the people by telling them about the powerful armies of the nations who live there, insisting that Beneh Yisrael wouldn’t stand a chance fighting against them. They also said that in any event, the land is a bad place to live.
Hashem was angry at the people for not believing Him, and for rejecting the land that was promised to them and where they were destined to build their country. He decreed that they would journey in the desert for 40 years, during which time that generation would die, and it would be their children who would enter the land.
In issuing this decree, Hashem announced that Beneh Yisrael יהיו רועים במדבר ארביעם שנה – “will be grazing in the desert for forty years” (14:33).
Why does Hashem speak of the people as GRAZING in the desert like sheep? What does this even mean?
The commentators explain that a shepherd’s job is to bring the sheep to pasture so they properly grow and develop. And this was Hashem’s intention when He decreed that Beneh Yisrael would spend 40 years in the desert. They needed time to grow, to transform, to become the people they needed to be.
The fact that they did not want to go into Eretz Yisrael showed that they weren’t the people they needed to be. They weren’t people who wanted to be Hashem’s nation. They needed time to become the nation they were supposed to be.
They needed to “graze” – to develop, to grow, to ask themselves, “Who do we want to be?”
Many times, people find themselves confused and conflicted. They’re not sure which parties they should be going to or not going to. They’re not sure how they should be dressing. They’re not sure how they should be spending their long Shabbat afternoons. They’re not sure how to allocate their time between work, their spouse, their children, their friends, and Torah study.
All this becomes much easier once we decide WHO WE WANT TO BE.
Deciding “who I want to be” is much, much more important than deciding “what I want to do.” Once I decide who I want to be, the other choices become clear and obvious.
Once we firmly decide that we want to be a devoted, attentive, kind spouse, it becomes much easier to be one.
Once we firmly decide that we want to be an engaged parent, it becomes much easier to make time for our kids.
Once we firmly decide we want to be serious Torah Jews, it becomes much easier to make the decisions that the Torah wants us to make.
In order to do this, we need to make the time to “GRAZE,” to think, to ask ourselves these very important questions. Just like our ancestors needed to make the decision of what kind of nation they were going to be, we need to take the time to answer the critical question, “Who do I want to be?”
Once we answer that question, all other decisions become so much easier.