Is it ok for a husband not to enjoy running the errands that his wife sends him on? Is it enough to get them done, even if he does so begrudgingly? And is it ok for a wife to not enjoy the housework that she does, preparing meals and straightening up, even though she knows that she’s doing it for her husband?
Of course it’s ok. Husbands and wives have obligations to one another, and as long as they fulfill those obligations, it’s fine. They don’t have to enjoy it.
But this is not true of spending time with one another, talking to one another, bonding with one another. This is the core essence of the relationship. If a husband or wife does not enjoy the time spent with one another, then there is a problem. Spending time together is not a responsibility, but the actual relationship, and if it isn’t enjoyable, then there is something very wrong with the relationship.
It’s ok not to enjoy going to the cleaners, but it’s not ok not to enjoy being together.
The same is true of our relationship with Hashem.
When it comes to almost all the mitzvot, the important thing is that the obligation is fulfilled, even if one does not find the mitzvah enjoyable. Of course, mitzvot like Shabbat, holidays, praying, tallit and tefillin are so much easier if they are enjoyable. But they don’t have to be enjoyable. One can be a good Jew by performing the mitzvot even if he or she does not enjoy it.
The important exception is Torah learning. The pasuk says, שלום רב לאוהבי תורתך – those who love Torah are rewarded with an abundance of peace. Learning Torah doesn’t suffice; one has to love learning. It has to be enjoyable.
The reason is because learning Torah is the way we “spend time” with Hashem. This is how we build our relationship with Him. The other mitzvot are like the “errands” and “chores” that we have to get done. They’re necessary for the relationship, but they’re not the relationship. Learning Torah is our relationship with Hashem – and so we need to enjoy it.
Which brings us to the obvious question: what if one doesn’t enjoy learning? What if a person tries learning and doesn’t find it enjoyable?
I once brought a group of students to Lakewood, to observe the yeshiva and kollel students learning with rigor and passion. They then met with one of the great rabbis there, Rav Gershon Ribner, and they asked him this exact question: how does a person develop a love for learning Torah?
He answered by suggesting an analogy to swimming. A person who doesn’t know how to swim hates going into the water. He is not comfortable, he is scared, and he can’t wait to get out. But once a person figures out what to do, he doesn’t want to leave. A person who knows how to swim loves swimming.
In order to develop a love for learning, Rav Ribner said, we have to “dive” into it, and learn how to “swim,” how to do it. Of course, it will be difficult and not particularly enjoyable at first. It’s not going to be fun right away. But once we “dive in” and figure it out, we won’t want to leave.
The Torah in the Book of Shemot tells that after Beneh Yisrael crossed the sea, they journeyed for several days in the desert without finding any water, until they found bitter, undrinkable water. Hashem commanded Moshe to throw a branch into the water, and this miraculously sweetened the water.
Some Rabbis saw this story as teaching us about the process of Torah learning. At first, the experience might be “bitter.” The “waters” of Torah do not “taste” good when one first tries. It is only after one “throws” himself into Torah – like the branch which Moshe threw into the water – that it becomes sweet and enjoyable.
The holiday of Shavuot, when we celebrate Matan Torah, is the perfect opportunity to “dive” into Torah. For those who until now have felt uncomfortable learning, or haven’t really found learning enjoyable, this is the time to try to “dive in,” to make a commitment to struggle and work hard, and trust that the “bitter waters” will become “sweet.”
Let us use this opportunity to take the “dive,” to immerse ourselves in Torah even if we find it difficult, realizing that this is how we build our relationship with Hashem, which is the “sweetest” joy we can ever experience.