The Gemara in Masechet Gittin tells what seems at first to be a very peculiar story about the final years of the life of Titus – the Roman general who destroyed the Bet Ha’mikdash.
Before setting the building ablaze, Titus took all the precious vessels out of the Bet Ha’mikdash, and he later brought them with him on a ship back to Rome. During the voyage, a violent storm struck, and the ship was in danger. Titus turned to G-d and said, mockingly, “You’re strong only at sea! On dry land, You’re powerless! Look what I was able to do to Your home!”
G-d decided to show Titus just how powerful He was, and how frail Titus was.
When Titus arrived back in Rome, a tiny gnat flew into his nose. It went into his head, and it started pecking on his brain, causing Titus unbearable pain. He eventually died, and an autopsy was performed. The gnat had grown to the size of a large bird.
What does this mean? What is the significance of this strange episode – a tiny gnat entering the head, causing intolerable pain, and growing to the size of a bird?
I believe this story is not just about Titus – it is about each and every one of us, about one of the most common causes of friction and tension between people, particularly within families.
It happens so often. Something very small – like a little gnat – enters our heard. An uncomfortable thought or emotion. We feel offended, hurt, jealous, angry or resentful. This feeling is like an annoying little gnat that flies into our nose.
There is absolutely nothing at all wrong with these feelings. We are human, and humans experience feelings, both good and bad. We should never, ever look down on ourselves for feeling offended, jealous, angry or resentful. These emotions are perfectly natural and perfectly acceptable.
The problem is when we let this little “gnat” stay in our head and “pound” on our brain, when we allow the feelings to fester, when we dwell on them, and don’t let go of them. If we do this, then the little gnat grows larger and larger. We live in chronic, unbearable pain, and eventually, we “die” – we lose all our joy, peace of mind, and vitality.
The key is to get rid of the little “gnat” when it is still a little gnat. And the way we do that is through emunah, by firmly believing that everything is from Hashem. When we see a family member enjoying greater success, and we feel jealous, this is from Hashem. When a family member says or does something which offends us, this is from Hashem. These experiences happen to make us stronger, to build our character, to help us become more patient, more resilient, more humble, and more focused on the important things in life. If we believe this, it becomes so much easier to ignore the insult or the jealousy, and prevent the little things from becoming big things.
As we all know, the period of mourning for the Bet Ha’mikdash is a time to work on eliminating the שנאת חינם (baseless hatred) from our midst and increasing peace and harmony. The most important – but also the most difficult – place where this work must take place is within the family. The family unit is where fights and arguments happen most frequently, because people are so close and the emotions are so fragile. The way to avoid these conflicts is by keeping the little things small, not allowing the legitimate feelings of pain and resentment to fester. By placing our trust in Hashem, and remembering that everything that happens is because of Him, we will keep our emotions in check and not let the little “gnat” grow into a giant “bird.” We will then build strong, happy families and communities, and will be worthy of the coming of Mashiach and the building of the Bet Ha’mikdash, במהרה בימינו, אמן.