The Torah in Parashat Lech-Lecha tells of Hashem’s famous command to Avraham Avinu, לך-לך – to go forth, to leave behind his home and travel to the Land of Israel. When he arrived in the land, the Torah says, ויט אהלה – he pitched his tent (12:8).
Rashi takes note of the fact that although the pasuk is read as though it says, ויט אהלו – “he pitched his tent,” the word is written אהלה, which means “her tent.” This indicates that Avraham first pitched his wife’s tent before pitching his own tent. He made a point of first tending to his wife’s needs before caring for his own needs.
Whenever I am asked to officiate at a wedding, and I meet with the couple before the wedding, I ask them what they find so special about the other. Invariably, they say something to the effect of, “He/she puts my needs ahead of his/her needs.” During the courtship and engagement, the couple is truly devoted to each other, and they each put the other’s needs ahead of theirs. Unfortunately, however, after the wedding, as time goes on, this becomes more difficult. Husbands and wives are far less willing to sacrifice for each other than they were when they were dating and engaged.
Avraham Avinu sets for us the example of how marriage is supposed to work, with the husband and wife putting each other’s needs before their own. In order for a marriage to succeed, both spouses are going to have make sacrifices and let go of things for the sake of the relationship.
As mentioned, this parashah begins with the command of לך-לך – that Avraham was to leave behind his homeland and his father’s home, and journey to a new land and a new life. We, too, are commanded to לך-לך – to let go of things which hold us back, and prevent us from living the life that we are supposed to live. And this command of לך-לך requires us to let go for our family. For some, this means letting go of laziness, or selfishness, in order to do all the work needed to properly care for their family. For others, it means letting go of some bad habit that negatively affects the family. And for some this requires giving up a hobby or pastime for the sake of tending to the family.
Letting go of things which have been an important part of our lives can be difficult. But sometimes, we have no choice but to let go. Hashem promised Avraham that after he settles in the Land of Israel, ואגדלה שמך, והיה ברכה – “I will make your name great, and you will be a blessing” (12:2). We need to trust that these difficult sacrifices will bring us greatness, will grant us blessings, and will make our lives beautiful. When a husband and wife put each other’s needs above their own, they create something magnificent. When they both put their family’s needs ahead of their own, they build a truly beautiful family. Letting go is hard, but it is through the difficult process of sacrifice that we achieve the kind of greatness that the descendants of Avraham Avinu are meant to achieve.