Here’s a small sampling of the Gemara’s teachings about the importance of humility, taken from Masechet Sotah:
“The arrogant person is considered as though he builds a private altar.”
“The arrogant person is considered as though he denies G-d’s existence.”
“The arrogant person is considered as though he worshipped a foreign deity.”
“The arrogant person’s earth is not removed at the time of the resurrection.”
This is just the tip of the iceberg of the Gemara’s condemnation of arrogance.
These statements express the idea that humility is not just one of the important qualities that must characterize a Torah Jew. Rather, it is part and parcel of the very definition of Judaism. If a person is arrogant, he is like a person who lived at the time of the Bet Ha’mikdash and decided to build his own altar for sacrificing instead of using the Bet Ha’mikdash. Meaning, he makes up his own religion. And he is considered as though he denies the fundamental beliefs of Judaism and worships other deities, such that his soul will not be part of the eternal Jewish nation that will rise from the dead. Humility is not just a nice thing, or even just an important characteristic like generosity, patience, self-discipline, sympathy, and the many other important qualities that we are to try to develop and maintain. Humility goes to the very heart of the Jewish experience. Why?
Lifelong Self-Promotion
The answer has to do with one of the realities of life: our lifelong work as advertisers.
Not too many of us work professionally in marketing, but each and every one of us is a marketer. In fact, marketing occupies a very significant part of our lives.
Whoever has written and submitted a resume, or has gone for a job interview, has marketed. Whoever has gone on a date, or met with a matchmaker for himself or herself, or a child, has marketed. Whoever has looked in the mirror at any point to make sure he or she looks presentable has marketed. Whoever has taken the time to buy a nice suit or some other article of clothing has marketed. Whoever has cracked a funny joke in the presence of friends has marketed.
We spend a great deal of our time tending to our reputations. We want – and need – to look impressive. This means we need to ensure a certain physical appearance, that we are well-groomed, and also that we speak and act in an impressive manner. It also drives us to achieve, in all respects. We need people to admire and like us so we can secure and maintain a source of income, a spouse, relatives and friends. We cannot have a job, a business, a family, a social circle or a community if we are not likable and accomplished in a variety of ways. And so we are constantly marketing ourselves, throughout our lives. In fact, this is one of our most basic needs – to promote ourselves, to project a positive image.
This is not a bad thing at all. To the contrary, as we’ve emphasized, this is a necessity, and a vital one at that. We cannot achieve anything without marketing.
This is true even of Rabbis. When I speak, I do my utmost to look good, to speak clearly, to be funny and to sound knowledgeable. Why? Because I will not succeed in my mission to spread Torah if I don’t “market” what I do. I need to look good and sound good. If not, nobody will take me seriously.
Great Torah scholars invest time and effort promoting their sefarim. They have to. They rightly feel that they’ve made a valuable contribution to Torah scholarship, and unless they encourage people to study their works, their efforts will have been fruitless. This is the way the world works. We could never get married, have positive relationships with family and friends, have a job, or have any other kind of success without promoting ourselves. We are all, by necessity, lifelong promoters.
Humility Defined
And this is precisely what makes humility so important.
What is humility? In essence, humility is an awareness that all the respect, admiration, compliments and praise we receive is fake, that it means nothing, that it does not really reflect on our importance as people.
To understand this more clearly, let us look at the famous opening words of the Mesilat Yesharim, the most famous work of mussar:
יסוד החסידות ושורש העבודה התמימה הוא שיתברר ויתאמת אצל האדם מה חובתו בעולמו.
The foundation of piety and the root of the complete service [of Hashem] is that it is clear and confirmed for a person what his obligation is in his world.
What really matters is whether or not we are fulfilling our obligations. This is what our ambition should be – to make sure we are doing the right thing, that we are living the kind of lives we were put in this world to live. Our goal should not be to impress people, to earn respect, admiration, prestige, fame or notoriety. Sure, as discussed, we need to do this to one degree or another in order to succeed. But this should not consume us. It should not be our goal and ambition.
Drawing this line is so difficult. Earning people’s respect and admiration is so important for life, but at the same time we need to avoid allowing this pursuit to consume us. This is a very hard balancing act, but this is what we need to do.
This is what humility is. It means understanding that even though we need to try to maintain a good reputation, this is not what really matters. Ultimately, in the broad scheme of things, other people’s respect and admiration for us is fake. The good feeling we get when people compliment and respect us is fake, an artificial way to feel important. We are important only if we live the right way, if we fulfill חובתו בעולמו – our obligation in this world. Whether or not people show us respect means absolutely nothing, except as a need that must be filled in order for us to survive and accomplish our goals.
The arrogant person makes self-promotion his goal, rather than one of his needs that he must fulfill. His life revolves around not the service of Hashem, but rather the service of his ego. What he’s interested in is not חובתו עולמו, fulfilling his obligations in this world, but rather the vain pursuit of respect. This is, indeed, a different religion. This is not Judaism. Our religion is founded on the concept of חובתו בעולמו – that we have responsibilities and obligations to fulfill. If a person makes life about his reputation, then he is not practicing Torah Judaism. Plain and simple.
To take one silly example, I wear very sharp shoes, receiving them as gifts. And I have to admit that each day when I put them on, or when I looked at them, I get a good feeling. No, they are not that comfortable. In fact, they’re kind of uncomfortable. But although they aren’t good for my feet, they are very good for my head. The experience of wearing a fancy pair of shoes gives me a feeling of importance.
Of course, this feeling is completely fake. Does it say anything at all about me, about my value and worth as a person, that people like the shoes I wear, or that many of them could not afford such shoes? Of course not. This feeling of pride is completely meaningless. In fact, it’s nonsensical. It is totally illogical.
Another example: Every now and then, somebody will come over to me and say something to the effect of, “Rabbi Haber, you don’t know me, but I know all about you. I listen to every class you give, and I know everything about you, your wife, your children, your in-laws, and so on. I’m a big fan. I love your classes.” I would be lying if I said that I do not enjoy these compliments, and that they give me a feeling of pride. But again, this feeling is fake. I believe that what I do is important and valuable, but the praise and compliments are completely irrelevant. They should have no impact on how I see myself. What matters is just one thing – that I am working to fulfill my obligation in this world.
נעשה אדם
The importance of this message was expressed by G-d Himself a very long time ago – literally at the very beginning of human history.
Before the creation of Adam, Hashem declared, נעשה אדם בצלמנו כדמותנו – “Let us make a man in our image and form.” Rashi points out that Hashem here seems to speak of Himself in the plural form – נעשה (“let us make”), as opposed to the singular form – אעשה (“let Me make”). The explanation, Rashi writes, is that Hashem was speaking to the heavenly angels. Strange as it may sound, Hashem “consulted,” so-to-speak, with the angels before deciding to create the human being. As He was now creating a fundamentally different creature, one which somewhat resembled the angels, He discussed the idea with the angels. Rashi further explains that Hashem had this “consultation meeting” in order to teach us humility. Of course, Hashem does not need anyone’s advice or approval for anything. But He wanted to show us by example the importance of recognizing our limited knowledge and understanding, and of turning to other people for help and advice.
Rashi then adds that Hashem realized the potentially catastrophic consequences of writing this pasuk in the Torah in the plural form. Some people might misinterpret the phrase נעשה אדם to mean that the world was created by more than one Divine Being, by multiple deities who worked together to bring about the world and its inhabitants. Such a notion, of course, constitutes outright heresy, a rejection of the most fundamental precept of Jewish faith. However, Rashi explains, Hashem felt that the important lesson being conveyed was worth this risk. The message of humility is so important that Hashem was prepared to convey this message in a powerful way even though this allowed for the possibility of reaching a heretical conclusion.
I have a simple question on Rashi’s comments. I understand that the message of humility is critically important. But why did this message have to be conveyed there in the story of man’s creation? The Torah is a very long book. Actually, it consists of five books. There are plenty of places in the Torah where Hashem could stick in the lesson of humility. Why was it so important to teach this lesson specifically in that context, in the story of Adam’s creation?
Apparently, humility is so crucial that it needed to be emphasized right at the moment of the creation of the very first human being. When Hashem announced that He was creating a special being, a creature like none another, who would be endowed with intelligence and a divine spark, right away at that moment He needed to add that human beings must be humble. Even though we were created in G-d’s image, which means we have incredible potential and capabilities, we need to know how to remain humble, not to get distracted by our “marketing.” We need to be reminded that even though we are endowed with the potential to do great things, and we are to use this potential to do great things, it should never get to our head and we should never think for a moment that life is about feeling pride. This lesson had to be taught right at the outset, right at the time man was created. It could not wait for any later pasuk in the Humash.
Yehoshua’s Appointment
This point is also made in Parashat Pinhas, in which we read, among many other things, the story of Yehoshua’s appointment as the successor of Moshe Rabbenu.
Hashem commanded Moshe to place his hands on Yehoshua’s head in front of the whole nation, and he then said, ונתת מהודך עליו – “and you shall place some of your splendor upon him.” Rashi explains that this refers to the special glow that shone from Moshe’s face. After his formal appointment as Moshe’s successor, Yehoshua received some of Moshe’s glow, and his face shone like Moshe’s face. This was necessary for the people to treat Yehoshua with the same kind of respect and awe that they showed to Moshe.
In our terminology, the “glow” is the “marketing,” the image that Yehoshua projected. He needed to project a special, distinguished image in order to lead effectively.
But immediately thereafter, Hashem commanded Moshe, ולפני אלעזר הכהן יעמוד ושאל לו במשפט האורים לפני העם – in full view of the entire nation, Yehoshua was required to pose a question to the kohen gadol, Elazar, who would then submit the query to the אורים ותומים, a device that would prophetically convey Hashem’s answers to questions. At the very moment when Yehoshua was endowed with his glow, when he was told that he would need to project an image of distinction and honor so he would command the people’s respect, right there and then, he needed to be reminded of his limits. He needed to be reminded that even as the people looked up to him and accorded him honor, in reality, he was a frail, limited human being just like the rest of them.
Just as at the time of man’s creation, when Adam was created in the divine image, he was reminded of the message of humility, similarly, Yehoshua was reminded of his human reality, of his need to consult with others, at the moment he received his “glow,” the special image of prominence that he would have to project.
And this is something that we all need to do, as well. We all try to maintain a certain “glow,” presenting ourselves as somebody respectable and admirable. But at the same time, we need to remember that our image is false, and says nothing about who we really are.
Vulnerability
How do we achieve this balance? How can we remain humble even as we work to project a positive, impressive outward image?
As part of its discussion of humility, the Gemara comments, אין תפילתו של אדם נשמעת אלא אם כן משים לבו כבשר – “A person’s prayer is answered only if he makes his heart like meat.” How does a person make his heart “like meat”? What is the Gemara telling us?
The word אדם (“man”) comes from the word אדמה (“ground”). Some people think of themselves as immortal and permanent like the ground. They feel confident and assured of themselves, that their good fortune will always remain, just like the ground never disappears. We cannot pray if this is our attitude. Prayer cannot be approached with a mindset of confidence and self-certainty. Instead, we have to feel like “meat” – which rapidly rots and decays. We need to feel vulnerable. We need to recognize just how many things can go wrong. We need to recognize just how fragile our health is, and how fragile our financial status is. We need to see ourselves as “meat” that can spoil, not like the “ground” which will forever remain intact. When we look at ourselves this way, we can come before Hashem and pray with sincere emotion and feeling.
And this is the key to balancing our “marketing” with humility. We can project whatever image we feel we need to in order to achieve our goals, but we need to remain keenly aware of our vulnerability. And if we think about, this should not be terribly difficult to do. After all, don’t we all know stories of people who started their day perfectly normally, and by evening ended up in the hospital, or worse? Don’t we all know stories of successful professionals earning large salaries who suddenly, without warning, lost their job and found themselves without a source of income? Don’t we all know stories of successful businessmen whose businesses suddenly folded? Don’t we all know stories of people who were driving on the same highways they’ve been driving on regularly for years and got into a terrible accident? Haven’t we all heard of enough painful, unexpected tragedies to realize that life is fragile, that nothing we have is guaranteed, that we can never feel completely secure?
This should not make us depressed or scared, but it should make us humble. It should make us realize our limitations, that we need depend on the help and support of other people and even more so on the help and support of Hashem. We want to appear confident, smart and talented, and this is perfectly acceptable, but let’s never forget about how vulnerable and insecure we are, that we are capable of failure, of making terrible mistakes, and of being hurt in so many different ways. Life is so fragile, regardless of what kind of image we project.
There are No “Little People”
There is also another critically important aspect of humility which we need to engender within ourselves, one which is taught to us by the Gemara in that same discussion about arrogance and humility. The Gemara comments: “Come and see how the Almighty’s attributes are different from the attributes of human beings. The attribute of a human being is that the tall sees the tall, but the tall does not see the lowly; but the Almighty’s attribute is different – He is tall, and He sees the lowly.”
This is a very “real-life” observation by the Gemara, which is painfully realistic and relevant to many people. We see this phenomenon every day – “the tall sees the tall, but the tall does not see the lowly.” People tend to interact with those on their “level,” whom they see as “equals,” but not with those whom they consider “little people,” those whom they think are “lowlier.” Business tycoons rarely have friends who are butchers or bus drivers. Even in our community, this happens all too often – the wealthy hang out with the wealthy, and those who struggle to get by hang out with others who struggle to get by. People stick to members of their socioeconomic stratum, and rarely show interest in interacting with those on the “lower” rungs.
Hashem doesn’t act this way, and neither should we. He is the “highest” in every sense imaginable, and yet He is close to each and every human being. Hashem wants a close relationship with every person, regardless of his or her social status, economic status, or religious status. As long as a person sincerely wants to connect to Hashem, Hashem wants to connect to him. There is no “status.”
And this is how we should relate to other people, as well. The whole “status” thing is fake and absurd. Do we really think we’re better than those with less money than us? Or than those with fewer friends, who get invited to fewer semachot? Isn’t that a distorted way of looking at people? We all have things that we’re better at and things that we’re worse at. One person makes more money, another person has a happier marriage. One person’s children achieve more academically, another person’s children are more religiously committed. One person’s children got married more easily, another person’s children have happier marriages. One person excels in business and philanthropy, another person excels in volunteer work. One person is more successful professionally, another person is more successful at home. One person is healthier, another person has a better relationship with his siblings. One person has more friends, the other person gets along better with his in-laws.
There is no way to grade overall success and achievement in life. There is no “high” or “low.” A “successful life” is not something that can be determined on a scale based on a series of statistics. The labels that we assign to ourselves and others – “successful,” “not successful,” etc. – are meaningless and fake. What’s true is that we all succeed in some areas more than in others, and in some areas we do not succeed at all. This is true of just about every single one of us.
If we realize this, we will find ourselves happier and more open to friendships with a large variety of different kinds of people. We find ourselves respecting people more and criticizing people less. And, we will live with an understanding that life is not about our image, but about our true selves, so we will pay more attention to being who we are supposed to be than to looking the way we want to look.
Our image is vitally important – but only if we are careful to distinguish between our image and our reality, to recognize that how people see us is far less important than who we really are.