The Mishnah in Pirkeh Avot (4:22) teaches:
אל יבטיחך יצרך שהשאול בית מנוס לך, שעל כרחך אתה נוצר ועל כרחך אתה חי, ועל כרחך אתה מת , ועל כרחך אתה עתיד ליתן דין וחשבון לפני מלך מלכי המלכים הקדוש ברוך הוא.
Do not let your evil inclination assure you that the afterlife is your escape. For against your will you were created; against your will you live; against your will you will die; and against your will you will be judged by the King of kings…
Why would anyone think that the afterlife is an “escape”? And what does this have to do with the fact that we are created and we die against our will?
One of the most common ills that plague people is the tendency to blame other people. Husbands blame wives; wives blame husbands. Republicans blame Democrats; Democrats blame Republicans. Teachers blame students; students blame teachers.
When things don’t work out, there’s always someone or something to blame. It’s society’s fault. It’s technology’s fault. It’s his fault. It’s her fault. It’s the parents. It’s the kids. It’s always someone or something.
The reason we do this is because we all feel worried about whether or not our lives are a success. People are insecure about their success as parents, as children, as bread winners, as professionals, as religious Jews, or as a million other things. And the thought that it’s “my fault” is too hard to accept. It’s a terrible feeling to think that we’re not a success and it’s our fault.
But the proper perspective is to focus not on whom or what to blame, but on how to move forward, what to do about it. Even when we’re right, and it REALLY IS SOMEBODY ELSE’S FAULT, we should focus on where we go from here, on doing the best we can.
When we blame others, we come across as very weak. When we focus on doing the best we can, we come across as strong and inspiring.
The Mishnah is teaching us that we should not think that after we leave this world, we can escape from accountability by blaming our lack of success on other people. It’s not going to work that way.
The reason is that even though things happen to us in life against our will, and there are many things that we do not want and did not choose, we also leave this world against our will. When our life is in any sort of danger, we suddenly drop all our complaints and desperately want our lives to continue. We will not be able to cast the blame on the circumstances in our lives – because when all is said and done, we like our life, and we don’t ever want to give it up.
So let’s stop the blame game. Our lives aren’t all that bad. Sure, there are things we don’t like. But that’s not a good enough reason to blame others and not take responsibility.
Blaming is not helpful, and it prevents us from working to make our lives better. When we stay focused on what we need to do, without complaining and without blaming, we spread happiness. We uplift and inspire the people around us.
We don’t choose everything in our lives. It’s never going to be exactly what we wanted. But that’s ok. Rather than complain about and blame everything on what we don’t like in our lives, let us make the most of it and spread happiness and contentment all around us.