Parashat Behaalotecha tells of how Beneh Yisrael started complaining during travel, and how Hashem severely punished them. The Torah states, ויהי העם כמתאוננים, which seems to mean, “The people were complaining.” But Rashi explains that this pasuk is actually saying that the people were looking for something to complain about.
It’s not that something happened or didn’t happen that made them upset and start complaining; they had a negative mindset, and were looking for reasons to complain. This mindset sent their heads into a negative tailspin, and everything seemed bad.
Sure enough, several pesukim later, they’re complaining that all they had to eat was the manna. They cried that they didn’t have vegetables such as onions. When we have a negative mindset, everything in our lives seems terrible.
One of the common examples of this phenomenon is rejection. We’ve all experienced rejection of one kind of or another. People are rejected from a perspective shidduch or from a perspective job. People feel rejected when they’re text message is not responded to, or their favor is not returned. Or when they are not invited to an event. Too often, when a person experiences rejection, he allows the negativity to go into a tailspin. He says to himself things like, “Nobody likes me”; “This is never going to work”; “I’m just a failure.” They feel the whole world turned their back on him.
If two boys turned a girl down, she might start thinking that all the boys are going to turn her down. If a man gets fired twice in a year, he might start thinking that he will never be able to keep a job. This is how our brains can play games with us, and turn every rejection into a major catastrophe. Like the מתאוננים, we look for negativity, for reasons to complain and feel embittered.
The Gemara in Masechet Avodah Zarah tells that at the end of time, the other nations will complain to G-d that they were not given the Torah. Hashem will respond by giving them one relatively easy mitzvah – the mitzvah of sukkah. The non-Jews will build sukkot and go inside them, but Hashem will then challenge them by making the weather unbearably hot. The non-Jews will leave the sukkot, unable to withstand the heat, and will kick the sukkot on the way out. This will demonstrate that there was good reason why Hashem did not give them the Torah.
The Gemara questions this teaching, noting the halachah that מצטער פטור מן הסוכה – one is exempt from the obligation of sukka if the conditions in the sukkah are uncomfortable. The non-Jews will be allowed to leave the sukkot because of the heat – so why would this prove that they were unworthy of accepting the Torah?
The Gemara then answers that although the other nations will be exempt from the sukkah, and they would be allowed to leave, nevertheless, it is wrong to kick the sukkah on the way out.
When we are rejected, we shouldn’t “kick” on the way out. We should not blow up the situation into something far worse than it is. We shouldn’t feel embittered. We should accept it and move on.
The best way I know to avoid “kicking” after a rejection is to remind ourselves that everything is from Hashem. If a person is rejected from several shidduchim, this is because Hashem has something better in store for him or her. If a person was rejected from several jobs, it means that Hashem is steering him toward the job that is right for him. Just as Hashem was leading Beneh Yisrael through the desert, bringing them exactly where they needed to go, so is Hashem leading us all to where we need to go.
Our ancestors were punished for their negative tailspin, for seeing their situation as something much worse than it really was. Let us learn from their mistake, and stop our own negative tailspin. When things don’t go the way we want, let us remain calm and confident, and place our trust in Hashem, who is caring for us every step of the way, just as He cared for our ancestors.