Parashat Korah tells the story of the quintessential mahaloket – fight. The story is that of the rebellion led by Korah, who set out to challenge the authority of Moshe Rabbenu. Learning this story can teach us so much about why and how we need to avoid fighting.
At one point in the story, Moshe sends a message to two of the leaders of the rebel group – Datan and Aviram – asking them to come meet. Moshe’s intent was to try to talk things out and hope to make peace.
But Datan and Aviram refused. They sent a nasty message back to Moshe, saying that no matter what, they were not coming to meet with him.
The Midrash says something startling about Datan and Aviram’s response. It says that they went so far as to tell Moshe, “Even if we will end up going to Gehinam and being punished forever because of this, we’re not ending this fight. We don’t care about anything.”
It is very possible that the Midrash does not mean to say that Datan and Aviram actually said this. Rather, it means that at a certain point during this fight, Datan and Aviram realized that they were wrong. They understood that Moshe Rabbenu did not make himself the leader out of arrogance and selfishness. But it was too late. Once the fight got started, there was no turning back.
A fight is like a crack in a dam. Once there is a crack, the water starts flowing through it until eventually the whole dam falls apart, and there’s a destructive flood. The same is true of a fight. Once a person gets into a fight, it is so, so difficult for him to back down. He feels compelled to persist, to keep going, to stand his ground, to take the fight to the bitter end, NO MATTER WHAT!!!
This is why fighting is SO VERY DESTRUCTIVE. Because people can’t stop. Once they get started, they’ll sacrifice everything to win the fight. They’ll even ruin their lives.
Rav Haim Palagi writes that he never saw a fight that did not end destroying lives. Rav Haim Shmulevitz writes that he has seen yeshivot which were able to withstand the greatest tests and challenges. But when a fight starts in a yeshiva, it almost always ends up destroying it.
This is why Korah’s revolt ended in such a dramatic fashion – with the ground opening up and swallowing the rebels. Hashem wanted to show that there is nothing more destructive than fighting. So He did something drastic, something completely out of the ordinary, to show just how destructive fighting is.
The lesson for us is not to let this crack open, not to let the fight start.
When we hear something hurtful, or if there’s something we disapprove of or don’t agree with, we need to think very, very carefully before turning it into a fight. Far more often than not, IT JUST ISN’T WORTH IT. Whether it’s with a spouse, another family member, a friend or a business associate, we need to be so careful not to let the crack open in the dam.
Because once it does, destruction will almost invariably follow.
Let us always remember the great danger of fighting, and do everything we can to maintain peaceful relations with the people around us.