The Torah in Parashat Pinhas tells of the daily korban tamid – the sacrifice that was offered in the Bet Ha’mikdash each and every day. Every morning and every afternoon, 365 days a year, this sacrifice was offered.
In order for us to build a relationship with Hashem, we need to put in work and effort, and make sacrifices, EACH AND EVERY DAY.
And this is true of all our relationships – most importantly, of marriage.
There are a number of different reasons why the divorce rate is rising at an alarming rate. One reason is that young people are told to try to find a spouse who meets certain qualifications, but they are not taught to build their characters so they will be good wives or husbands. Another reason is that people go into marriage without doing sufficient research, and so the boy or girl is not the person they thought they were getting.
But the main reason, in my mind, is that people today have no clue what marriage really is.
Marriage takes work. Consistent work. In order to enjoy the unparalleled joy of a happy marriage, both partners need to continue working at it.
When the angels visited Avraham Avinu’s tent, as Avraham served them a meal, one of them turned to Avraham and asked where his wife, Sarah, was. Avraham replied that she was inside the tent. The Rabbis explained that the angel wanted Avraham to appreciate Sarah’s modesty, how she remained in the tent.
Avraham was 99 years old when this happened. And Sarah was 89. They had been married for decades. But the angel still wanted Avraham to appreciate Sarah a little more. Marriage needs work all the time. At every stage. Day in, and day out.
The great challenge of marriage, which requires so much work and effort, is that the spouses need to understand each other. A husband and wife need to feel confident that the other is trying to understand him or her.
Sometimes people love receiving advice from their spouse, and sometimes they hate it and resent it. Usually, the difference is whether the advice was given with understanding. What is needed is not just sincerity, but understanding. If the advice is offered off-the-cuff, without the spouse really trying to understand the other spouse’s situation and feelings, then it will be rejected. But if the advice is given with a real understanding of the other spouse’s situation, then it will be warmly accepted.
The word שלום, peace, is associated with the word שלם – complete. A husband and wife enjoy peace when they complete each other. And in order for this to happen, they need to put in the time and effort to really get to know each other and really understand each other.
Like the relationship between us and Hashem, the relationship between husband and wife is a day in, and day out, investment. Let’s put in the work so our marriages will work. Let’s make a commitment to really try to understand and connect with our spouses so we can build truly happy and fulfilling homes that are worthy of Hashem’s presence and Hashem’s blessings.