The Liberating Fear of Elul
When we think of Elul and the High Holidays, we generally think in terms of fear, anxiety and trepidation. We intuitively assume that during this period we are supposed to be scared.
But this is not precisely correct. True, this is a time for fear, but not the kind of fear that we’re familiar with.
“Am I Pretty?”
Somebody once showed me a newspaper article reporting on a phenomenon that apparently became widespread, and might still be widespread, among young preteen and teen girls. Girls who feel insecure about their looks post videos of themselves on YouTube, with the question, “Am I pretty?” and invite viewers to leave comments about what they think of their looks. Some commenters, admirably, leave comments reassuring the girl that she has nothing to worry about, and is, in fact, good-looking, whereas many others leave obnoxious, hurtful comments like, “You’re ugly. Go cry about it to somebody who cares.” We can only imagine how an insecure 12-year-old girl feels after reading such comments.
According to the article shown to me, tens of thousands of girls post videos like this, asking the world to comment about their looks.
On another occasion, I was shown a different newspaper article reporting on a precise opposite phenomenon. The article spoke of a certain summer camp that strictly implements a fascinating rule: no “body talk” allowed. This means that nobody is allowed to make any comment about anybody else’s appearance. Comments like, “You look great today” or “What kind of hair style is that?” are forbidden. No one in this camp is allowed to make any observation about someone’s body.
What a liberating experience it must be to spend two months knowing that nobody will comment about looks! Throughout the summer, everyone in the camp pays attention only to character and personality. In fact, the article said that a sign is hung up alongside all the mirrors in the camp that says, “Don’t look at the body. Look at the soul.” This policy freed the campers from having to worry about their appearance, enabling them the opportunity to focus exclusively on their characters and their friendships.
This is the “fear” of Elul. The purpose of this month is to free us from all our mundane, trivial “fears” that consume us and prevent us from concerning ourselves with what really matters. Elul is not a time to walk about in a state of paralyzing panic. Quite to the contrary, Elul is a time to step away from the less important stresses and pressures so we can focus our attention on personal growth.
The Torah (Bereshit 3:24) tells that after Adam and Havah were banished from Gan Eden, G-d placed “keruvim” with a revolving sword at the entrance to the garden. One of the commentators, Chizkuni, explained this as a reference to scary, frightening images. One of the consequences of Adam’s sin is that man began living with frightening images in his mind. Young girls and women walk around wondering, “Am I pretty?” Men walk around wondering, “Do I earn enough money?” People live with all kinds of irrational fears that cause them unnecessary pressure which stifles them and prevents them from moving forward and growing.
Elul and the High Holidays is the time to recognize these irrational fears and overcome them. It is the time to stop the “body talk” so we can focus on “soul talk.” It is the time to stop worrying about vanity and start focusing on what’s truly important. This is the liberating fear of Elul.
Willful Slavery
The Torah in the Book of Shemot discusses the laws of the Jewish servant, and commands the master to set the servant free after six years of work. After presenting this command, the Torah addresses the case of a servant who decides he wishes to remain in his master’s service. In such a case, the servant undergoes a certain procedure and then remains a servant until the yovel (jubilee) year.
It might seem strange, at first glance, to imagine such a case. Why in the world would a servant voluntarily choose to remain with his master? Once he is given the opportunity to go free, why wouldn’t he seize it? Why would he willfully subject himself to more years of hard work?
The Keli Yakar, one of the commentators, writes that indeed, many of us are willful slaves to all types of things. So many of us take on extra hours of work because we feel we more money for all types of luxuries. We don’t even stop to think of why they need those luxuries. We have obsessions and worries that consume us and hold us as slaves, without letting us go to be the kind of people we want to be.
I was once talking to fellow who was trying to figure out which Torah class he could fit into his schedule. His problem was that he returned home from the office at around 8-9pm. After going through several options without getting anywhere, I finally asked him, “Why did you get home only at 8-9pm?”
“I have work,” the man explained.
“Who do you work for that you have to stay in the office so late?” I asked.
He said he is self-employed. I then raised the obvious question of why, if he is his own boss, he chooses to work such long hours.
“You don’t understand, Rabbi,” he said. “I need to put in long hours in order to make enough money.”
I suggested that he imagine that he absolutely needed to be home each day at 4pm. After he worked out his schedule to leave by 4pm, he could then stay until 5:30 and then come home to his family and spend time learning.
We are all “enslaved” by imaginary fears and pressures. During Elul, we must work to eliminate these fears so we can free ourselves to tend to our important concerns, rather than be bogged down by vanity.
One Rabbi suggested an analogy to a man who had an exquisite diamond that he kept in a box. Each day, he would take the diamond out of the box and thoroughly clean the box. And every few months, he would repair the box to keep it in perfect condition. He paid no attention to the diamond, but spent a great deal of time each day tending to the box.
Our souls are the “diamond,” and all our physical, mundane needs are the “box.” Certainly, we need to keep our “box” in good shape. We need to take care of our health, earn a decent living, and maintain our homes so we have a pleasant, enjoyable atmosphere for ourselves and our families. But too often, we devote all our time and attention to the box, and forget about the diamond. We focus entirely on the externals, and get bogged down by unnecessary pressures, so we forget about what’s really important. During Elul, we remind ourselves about the “diamond,” about the precious soul inside us that we may have neglected due to our obsessive concern with the “box.”
ובכן תן פחדך
With this in mind, we can understand an otherwise peculiar passage in our Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur prayers. On Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur we add a special section to the Amidah prayer, and towards the very beginning of this section we ask, ובכן תן פחדך ה' אלוקינו על כל מעשיך – “And thus, place You fear, O Hashem our G-d, upon all Your creatures.” We plead, וייראוך כל המעשים – that everybody should live in fear of Hashem.
I always wondered, what kind of prayer is this? Does it make sense to pray that people should be afraid? Is this really what we want – that all people on earth walk around frightened?
The answer becomes clear in light of what we have seen. The fear of Hashem is liberating, not stifling. Fear of Hashem means that instead of being worried about our looks, our finances, our cars, our vacations, and all kinds of other self-imposed pressures, we are worried about our personal growth, about becoming more sensitive, more selfless, more giving, more helpful, more patient, and more spiritual people. Once we understand this definition of “fear of G-d,” we understand this prayer. What could possibly be a more beautiful prayer for the new year than תן פחדך על כל מעשיך, that everyone in the world starts worrying about Hashem instead of all that worries them now? Let us imagine what the world would look like if people stopped worrying about petty, vain concerns and instead worried about acting the way Hashem wants us to act. This is precisely what we should all be praying for.
King Shlomo teaches us in Mishleh (10:27), יראת ה' תוסיף ימים – “Fear of G-d adds days.” Anxiety and stress causes people to age quicker. Fear of G-d, by contrast, causes people to live longer. Fear of G-d is exciting and invigorating. It is about the freedom to grow and to worry about what really matters and what’s really important. Let us, then, use this special month to free ourselves from the “masters” that we unnecessarily serve, so we can tend to the beautiful diamond which is our soul, and spend time polishing it so that it shines ever brighter and more spectacularly each and every day of our lives.