Before Yaakov Avinu’s death, Yosef came to visit him with his two sons, Efrayim and Menashe. Yaakov gave them a blessing, and then pronounced, בך יברך ישראל לאמר, ישימך אלוקים כאפרים וכמנשה – that forever more, when Jews bless their sons, they will do so by saying, “May Hashem make you like Efrayim and Menashe” (48:20).
Why is this the blessing that we give to our children? What makes Efrayim and Menashe so special, that we bless our children that they should be specifically like Efrayim and Menashe?
One answer has to do with the story told just several pesukim earlier.
When Yaakov blessed Yosef’s sons, Yosef had them positioned with Menashe – the older son – to Yaakov’s right, and Efrayim – the younger son – to his left. But Yaakov crossed his hands, to put his right hand on the head of the younger brother, Efrayim. He explained that both will produce large, important tribes, but the tribe of Efrayim will end up being more distinguished than the tribe of Menashe, and so Yaakov’s placed his right hand on Efrayim’s head, to express his special stature.
Throughout this episode, both Efrayim and Menashe remain silent. Efrayim doesn’t gloat, and Menashe doesn’t complain.
This might be why we bless our children that they should be like Efrayim and Menashe.
Few things are more powerful than not caring about being treated with honor and respect. If we can follow the example set by Yosef’s sons, of entirely disregarding honor, we are so much stronger.
It is perfectly normal and natural to care about respect. So much so, in fact, that this expectation yields a halachic requirement. The Torah obligates us to provide a poor person with די מחסורו אשר יחסר לו – everything that he lacks (Devarim 15:8). The Gemara in Masechet Ketubot explains this to mean that if somebody was very wealthy, and was used to riding in a carriage with a servant running in front of him as a display of honor, and this person then lost his money, the mitzva of charity requires providing him a chariot with a servant running in front of it. The Torah recognizes that when a person is accustomed to receiving respect, this becomes his expectation, and it is thus a need that society must fulfill.
Unquestionably, we need to be sensitive to people’s expectation of, and need for, respect, and show them that they matter to us.
However, if somebody is able to transcend this need that most people have, he has special power. A person who, like Menashe, is immune to feelings of being hurt and offended, has a unique gift – the ability to decide who he is. His identity and self-image depend on nobody in the world. He needs nobody’s approval, nobody’s praise, and nobody’s respect, because he knows precisely who he is, what he is capable of, and what he can accomplish. And there is nothing more powerful than having this awareness.
It is normal and reasonable to want and to expect others to show us respect. But we should try, to whatever extent possible, to break our dependence on other people’s respect, to muster the strength to decide entirely on our own who we are, and then harness this unparalleled power to achieve all the greatness that we are capable of achieving.