The most important, and most frightening, question which we could and should be asking ourselves every day is: how am I doing now in Hashem’s eyes? Am I doing the right thing? Am I living the right way?
Ultimately, this question is impossible to definitively answer. Hashem wants us to live without knowing the answer. He wants us to try our best to do the right thing, to serve Him the right way, to fulfill His will to the best of our ability, even though we will never know for sure whether we’re doing what we’re supposed to be doing.
However, we might perhaps find three clues to help us answer this question, in Parashat Shemot.
Hashem spoke to Moshe for the first time as he worked as a shepherd for his father-in-law in Midyan, and He instructed Moshe to go to Egypt and lead Beneh Yisrael to freedom. Moshe suspected that the people might not believe him when he would tell them that Hashem appeared to him, so Hashem gave him three “signs” with which he would prove that he was Hashem’s prophet:
1) He would throw his staff to the ground, and it would become a snake. He would then grab hold of the snake’s tail, and it would again become a stick.
2) He would place his hand inside his pocket, and when he pulled it out, it would be white, stricken with leprosy. He would then put his hand back in his pocket, and his normal color would be restored.
3) He would take water from the river and pour it on the ground – and it would turn to blood.
Let’s take a close look at the meaning of these three signs.
A מטה (“staff”) is a sign of stature, like a king’s scepter. The snake represents our yetzer ha’ra, our base desires and sinful instincts, like the snake that lured Adam and Havah to sin in Gan Eden. Moshe’s first sign shows the struggle we all have between being a מטה – refined, dignified, G-dly people – and being a “snake,” pulled down by our negative tendencies.
The first “sign” we have in determining if we are living the way we should is whether we are taking hold of the “snake,” of our base desires, and acting in a noble, dignified manner.
Moshe’s next sign was his hand turning white, becoming lifeless, after being placed in his pocket. Placing a hand in a pocket represents inactivity and laziness. This “sign” was teaching us that we did not leave Egypt and become a free people so we can be lazy, so we can relax and take things easy. We are here to work hard, to be bold and ambitious, to strive to accomplish great things.
This is another indicator that we might use to assess how we are doing. Are we using our time productively? Are we working hard to achieve meaningful goals?
Finally, Moshe turned water to blood. The commentators explain that this blood was Hashem’s assurance to Beneh Yisrael that He did not forget the blood of their infants cruelly murdered by the Egyptians. Even though it seemed as though Hashem abandoned them, in truth, He was with them and would severely punish the Egyptians for what they did.
This is another clue that we can use – do we trust in Hashem and feel His presence even during difficult periods? Do we fall into despair, or are we able to maintain our faith and firmly believe that Hashem is there helping us at every step of the way?
As mentioned, we will never have a definitive answer to the question of how we are doing in Hashem’s eyes. We are expected to live with this uncertainty and do our best. But Moshe’s signs for our ancestors in Egypt are useful signs for us, as well. Let us work to ensure that the answer is “yes” to all these three questions – that we strive to control our negative impulses; we work hard to realize ambitious, meaningful goals; and we see Hashem’s hand everywhere and at all times, even in life’s more challenging periods.