Parashat Vayigash begins with Yehuda standing before the vizier of Egypt – who he still did not know was actually his brother, Yosef – and pleading on behalf of his youngest brother, Binyamin. Yosef had demanded that his brothers bring Binyamin with them to Egypt. Their father, Yaakov, refused to allow Binyamin to go, until Yehuda gave Yaakov his personal guarantee that he would ensure Binyamin would return home safely. But Yosef had his servant plant his royal goblet in Binyamin’s bag, framing him as a thief. When Binyamin was caught, Yosef demanded that Binyamin remain in Egypt as his slave. Yehuda stepped forward and confronted Yosef, pleading that he allow Binyamin to go, concluding by insisting that he be allowed to remain in Egypt instead of Binyamin:
ועתה ישב נא עבדך תחת הנער עבד לאדוניו, והנער יעל עם אחיו.
And now, let your servant remain instead of the youngster as a slave for his master, and the youngster shall go with his brothers. (44:33)
At that point, Yosef revealed to his brothers who he was.
It is worth nothing the word ועתה – “And now” – in this pasuk. Why did Yehuda ask that “now” he can remain instead of Binyamin? Why is this word necessary?
The answer might have to do with the other time Yehuda tried to save a younger brother.
Twenty-two years earlier, the brothers decided to kill Yosef – first directly, and then by throwing him into a pit. Yehuda then proposed that instead of killing him, they should sell him as a slave and eliminate him that way. The brothers listened, and this is how Yosef ended up in Egypt.
The Midrash tells that later, when the brothers saw how devastated Yaakov was that Yosef was gone, the brothers were angry at Yehuda. They told him that he was the leader of the family, and so this was his responsibility. He should have saved Yosef.
Of course, Yehuda is the one who actually did save Yosef. But the Midrash here is teaching us that what he did wasn’t enough. He made an attempt – but his attempt was insufficient. Yosef was gone, and Yaakov was devastated.
Yosef wanted to see how far Yehuda would go if this happened again – when he faced a situation where Yaakov’s beloved son would be in danger. ועתה – this time, Yehuda did not just “try.” He didn’t just make an effort. He was absolutely determined to ensure Binyamin would go home safely. To the point where he offered to remain in Egypt in Binyamin’s stead.
The reason why we’re not as productive as we can be, why we don’t achieve what we set out to achieve, is because we’re just “trying.” We lack the passion and determination to do everything it takes to achieve our goals.
I know somebody who was on a diet for twenty years. Over those twenty years, he lost 4 lbs. He was “trying” to lose weight, but that was it – just “trying.” Then, he became determined. He went on a real diet, and lost the weight he needed to lose.
There are so many things that we tell ourselves we tried to do but couldn’t – whereas in reality, we could’ve done it if we really wanted to.
If we really wanted to, we could get up on time in the morning. If we really wanted to solve a certain problem that we have, we would ask people for advice, read books about the topic, or go to a therapist. If we really wanted to accomplish something, we would think long and hard, speak to people, and come up with an effective strategy.
The reason why we don’t is because we want to put in the work only when we feel like it, when it’s convenient, when we’re in the mood. But nothing of significance has ever been accomplished by working only when one feels like it, when one is in the mood. Accomplishment requires passion, commitment and persistence.
In whatever area of life it is that we want to achieve in, we need to stop “trying” and instead be determined to get it done. Trying isn’t good enough. It is only by being passionate and determined that we will accomplish what we set out accomplish.