The Torah tells that after Moshe Rabbenu presented to the people the instructions for the korban pesach – the special sacrifice they offered on the night of Yetziat Mitzrayim – they bowed (ויקד העם וישתחוו – Shemot 12:27).
The Midrash explains that the people bowed because as part of Moshe’s instructions, he informed them that in the future, they would have children who would ask them to explain the reason for the mitzvot of Pesach. And Moshe instructed how them to respond. The people therefore bowed to express their gratitude over the fact that they will have children.
This comment of the Midrash becomes particularly fascinating when we consider the question that Moshe here told the people that they will be asked by their children: מה העבודה הזאת לכם – “What is this service to you?” As we know from the Haggadah, this is the question posed by the רשע – the “wicked” son. The people heard Moshe tell them that one day they are going to have a son who is going to ridicule them for performing the mitzvot, and is going to ask mockingly, מה העבודה הזאת לכם – “What is this?! Why are you bothering to do all this?!” After hearing this news, the people bowed and thanked Hashem for promising them that they will have such children.
Why were the people so grateful to hear that they will have children like this?
The answer might be that they now learned that they would be strong enough to deal with challenges to their faith. Now they were leaving Egypt, and they all saw the miracles and believed in Hashem. But they were told that the day would come when some people will raise questions and even ridicule their beliefs. However – they will be able to handle it. They will be strong enough. They will sit at the seder with a child who will challenge them – and it will be ok.
This is something worth thinking about as we prepare for the seder, when many of us will be sitting with people who are stricter or less strict than we are. Many detailed laws apply on Pesach, and there are many different opinions, customs and traditions. No two people do the same thing in terms of what they buy, how they prepare the home, how much and what kind of matza, marro and wine they use, and so on. When extended families get together for the seder, it’s all but certain that there will be several different customs represented in the room. And this can sometimes lead to uncomfortable situations.
We should be confident enough in ourselves not to get offended by people at the table who do things differently than us. If we are following a rabbi whose knowledge and judgment we trust, then we should not feel rattled by somebody whose rabbi follows stricter rules. And if we are with somebody who follows looser rules than us, we can still enjoy sitting at the seder with him. There is no reason to take things personally. We are strong enough to handle people who are different. It shouldn’t be a big deal.
Of course, on a practical level, it is important to have everything arranged ahead of time. If someone knows that his guest follows stricter rules, it would be appropriate to call that person in advance to ask, respectfully, what his requirements are – just as we would if we were hosting somebody with certain dietary restrictions. And if we are being hosted by someone whose standards are less strict than ours, it would be appropriate to call in advance and respectfully ask if our requirements could be accommodated.
Right at the time of Yetziat Mitzrayim, our ancestors were told that our nation will survive the challenges posed by those who reject our beliefs and lifestyle. Certainly, then, we can handle those who generally accept our beliefs and lifestyle but do things a little differently. So let us not take things personally, and do what we can to ensure that we sit together with our families at the seder with joy and peace, and celebrate the miracle of Yetziat Mitzrayim the way we should.