Parashat Vayishlah opens with Yaakov Avinu making his way back to the Land of Israel, anticipating his reunion with his brother, Esav, who sought to kill him. Esav was strong and had a large army. He hated Yaakov because Yaakov had tricked their father into giving him the berachah which was intended for Esav.
What message did Yaakov send Esav as he prepared for this dreaded encounter?
He began by telling his brother, עם לבן גרתי – “I have lived with Lavan,” which Rashi explains to mean ותרי"ג מצוות שמרתי – that he had observed all the mitzvot. (The word גרתי has the same letters as תרי"ג, the number of mitzvot in the Torah.) He proudly told Esav that he remained loyal to Torah even while living away from his parents, with his wicked uncle, Lavan. He then described to Esav how successful he had been – ויהי לי שור וחמור צאן ועבד ושפחה, that he had accumulated a large fortune.
Why are these the messages that Yaakov chose to send to Esav who wanted to kill him?
Our body language tells a great deal about our mood and about our feelings. We tend to appear worried and anxious when we feel worried and anxious, and to appear upbeat and confident when we feel upbeat and confident. But very often, the converse is true – our body language dictates our mood. When we carry ourselves with our head lowered, with long faces, with a look of fear, this is likely how we will continue to feel. But if we walk with our head help up straight, taking long, rapid strides, and exude confidence and self-assurance, we are likely to begin feeling that way.
We learn this concept from the story of Queen Ester. The Megillah says that when she approached Ahashverosh to intervene on behalf of the Jewish People, ותלבש אסתר מלכות – she “wore royalty.” On the simple level of understanding, this pasuk should be read as though it says ותלבש אסתר בגדי מלכות – she wore royal clothing. However, the Malbim explains that the pasuk is not talking about the clothing Ester wore. It is talking about her demeanor, her facial expression, her body language.
Ester was very frightened; as she told Mordechai, she was not allowed to come before Ahashverosh without being called, and if Ahashverosh would be angry, he would have her killed. She also had not eaten for three days. She was both physically and emotionally drained. But she had a strategy – to come before the king looking confident and strong. She walked in knowing precisely who she was, and what she had to do. She “wore” confidence. And this affected the way she felt and the way she spoke.
This was Yaakov’s strategy, as well. Logically, he didn’t stand a chance against Esav. But he decided to assume a confident posture, to remind himself who he was, to make it clear that he was not meek, that he was not frail, that he was not a hazit, that he had succeeded in observing the mitzvot and earning wealth under the most difficult conditions. And when he spoke that way, it affected the way he saw himself. By projecting confidence, he became more confident.
Each morning, we recite a berachah giving praise to Hashem for being מתיר אסורים – “releasing the bound.” In ancient times, this berachah was recited when people got out of bed, thanking Hashem for allowing them to be “released” from the confines of their beds.
Hashem has given us the ability to stand tall and confident. We do not have to remain lying lifeless and shriveled in bed. We can stand upright and outstretched, with the confidence that we are capable of meeting whatever challenges await us that day.
Of course, this does not mean we should be cocky and arrogant. In his message to Esav, Yaakov spoke humbly, addressing Esav as his “master” and referring to himself as Esav’s “servant.” He did not try to place himself above Esav, but rather to exude self-confidence.
When we feel overwhelmed and beset by problems, we should try to “wear royalty,” to remind ourselves of who we are, of what we’ve accomplished, of the talents we have, of just how capable we are. This confidence will affect our mood, and, ultimately, the results, as we will have the strength and fortitude to move forward and handle the situation in the best way possible.