How many times does a person look back at something that happened in his life and say, "If only I had done things differently, everything would have been so much better now"? It could be he passed up a business opportunity, turned down a shidduch, or made an investment that didn't work out. And he keeps thinking about what could have been, wishing he could go back in time and change that decision.
There's a beautiful lesson we can learn from the end of Parashat Vayera. Immediately after the Akedah, the Torah tells us that Avraham Avinu received the news that Milkah had given birth to children, and among her descendants was Rivkah. Rashi explains why the Torah tells us this here.
When Avraham returned from the Akedah, he started thinking to himself, "If Yitzchak would have been slaughtered, he would have left the world without any children. Maybe I should have married him off earlier to one of the daughters of Aner, Eshkol, or Mamre." And right then, Hashem informed Avraham that Rivkah, Yitzchak's destined wife, had been born.
Rabbi Elimelech Biderman brings out a beautiful lesson from here. Avraham was thinking maybe he made a mistake by not marrying off Yitzchak earlier, but Hashem was showing him there was no mistake. It was Hashem who had put into Avraham's mind not to pursue those earlier shidduchim, because none of those girls were meant for Yitzchak. His true zivug, Rivkah, hadn't even been born yet.
Avraham was looking back, thinking, "Why didn't I do something differently?" And Hashem was telling him, so to speak, "I was the One who guided you not to do it. I was preparing the right shidduch for your son."
Sometimes a person thinks he's waiting because he made the wrong decision, and if he would have chosen differently, things would have been so much better. But in reality, that person whom he turned down wasn't meant for him. He's waiting because the time has not yet come for him to meet the right one.
The Chazon Ish told a story that took place in Brisk. There was a young man who became very wealthy by purchasing forests there. He made a tremendous amount of money cutting down trees and selling the wood. His business continued growing until eventually he owned practically all the forests around Brisk.
Then one day, a fire broke out, and within hours, all his forests burned down. All his money was gone. The man who had so much was left with nothing.
Afterward, whenever he would pass by those burned forests, he would sigh bitterly and say, "Oh, my forests, my forests! How much money did I invest in you? All my years of hard work, all my money, everything was lost!"
One day, the Beit HaLevi heard him speaking that way and taught him a very important lesson.
"You have it all wrong," he said. "You think that because you invested your money in the forests, you became poor when they burned down. But the truth is exactly the opposite. Because it was decreed in Shamayim that you should lose your wealth, Hashem led you to invest all your money in those forests."
We see events taking place, and we assume that one thing caused another. But we have to remember that Hashem is the One directing everything behind the scenes. A person might say, "If only I had bought that property," or "If only I had accepted that offer," or "If only I had made a different decision, I wouldn't be in this situation today."
But who says things would have worked out differently? If Hashem wanted something to happen, He had countless ways of making it happen.
The pasuk says, רַבּוֹת מַחֲשָׁבוֹת בְּלֶב אִישׁ וַעֲצַת ה׳ הִיא תָקוּם — "Man has many thoughts in his heart, but the plan of Hashem is what prevails."
Sometimes we regret something we did, and sometimes we regret something we didn't do. We replay the situation over and over, imagining how much better our lives could have been. But knowing that Hashem is always the One directing things can save us from so much unnecessary regret.
Instead of dwelling on what we should have done yesterday, we should think about what Hashem wants from us now, with the peace of mind that we're exactly where He wants us to be. The more we internalize that, the easier it will become to let go of the past and look toward the future with emunah and peace of mind.