Welcome to Emotional Wellness Daily. As we get ready for the holiday of Hanukah which is all about appreciation and thanks, I would like to point out an interesting thing. Many people might not appreciate or be thankful for the fact that we have such Yamim Tovim, such holidays, and appreciate, like the Sefer HaHinuch says, that beside the religious aspect of any given holiday, there are also physical benefits in this world. The Sefer HaHinuch says you need a time to be happy. You need a time to enjoy, you need a time to relax. We have Shabbat, which has physical and spiritual benefits. And there are physical and spiritual benefits to our holidays as well.
Hanukah is called Ner Ish U’Beto A candle for a man in his household. It's a time when people get together around the Menorah, light the menorah, sing songs, give gifts, if you have that custom, or give out money, if you have that custom (Some like that custom better than gifts). Whatever food that you make, whether it's jelly donuts or any type of traditional food, all of these things also help our emotional wellness. And that's the point I'd like to make, that these kind of traditions, like making dreidel cookies (if there are any Sepharadim out there who are uncomfortable with the term dreidel because it’s Yiddish, explore yourself and figure out why that bothers you) create a sense of connection, a connection to the past, a connection to your culture, a sense of belonging to something bigger than you, which is extremely important. Children need to feel that they belong to something.
So those nice customs, that flavor, is important. Don’t just go and light the candles and finish- you did your job-without those added additional traditions. Those additional flavors add a sense of belonging.
We have a way we do things. There used to be a term that was popular in the Syrian community, called It's Not Our Way. And those words, it's not our way, carry a lot in them, because it means there is an Our Way, and that is a powerful emotional tool- that I belong to something and there's our way of doing things. This is the way our family does this. We sing this song, we sing that song. We eat that food. We have that tradition. We light eight candles. We have an extra candle on the side (as people have a custom). All those things help your children. And it also adds a sense of stability. Things are predictable. There's a structure. I know what happens. That structure, that stability and routine relieves stress, anxiety, and other things like that.
The point is really to appreciate all those little things that aren't so little.
Minhagim are extremely important, but I'm just pointing out that besides the Halachic and spiritual aspect of these little traditions, we can’t even call them minhagim, because to eat jelly donuts is not a minhag- but all these things have an important impact on us, and therefore, don't just be dismissive. Even though it might not be a must, understand that everything that we have has many, many benefits- including emotional wellness benefit to these customs.
Have a wonderful day.
