The Essential Obligation: Forgiving Others on Yom Kippur
This is a beautifully insightful text about the spiritual
preparation for Yom Kippur (Day of Atonement), focusing on the less
emphasized but crucial aspect of forgiving others.
Here is the edited and cleaned-up version, maintaining the
original's tone and rich sourcing:
Welcome to a special edition of our Bitachon
(Trust in God) class, as it relates to forgiving people on Yom
Kippur. We place a major emphasis on asking others for Mechilah
(forgiveness). It is critically important to seek forgiveness from anyone you
may have wronged before Yom Kippur.
However, we often place less stress on the equally vital
obligation: that we must remove from our hearts any ill feelings, or what is
known as K'peidot—being upset, holding a grudge, or exacting in judgment toward
others.
Rav Chaim Palaggi, in his work Moed L'kol Chai (Chapter 19),
quotes the Zohar which states that if a person does not remove upsetness from
their heart, their Tefillos (prayers) are interfered with. He cites his
teacher, Rav Eliyahu Cohen of Izmir, who explains that throughout the
year the angel will bring up prayers, on Yom Kippur specifically, one must
remove these negative feelings.
Rav Palaggi reiterates this in Chapter 16, stating: "One
who does not remove hatred from his heart on Yom Kippur—his prayer is neither
heard nor accepted." Therefore, he concludes, one should be
ma'avir al midosav, meaning they should be completely easygoing
and overlook the faults of others.
This is the intention behind the passage many recite nightly
before Kri'at Shema al HaMittah:
"Harenini mochel v'sole'ach...": I hereby forgive and pardon anyone
who angered or provoked me—whether it affected my body, my money, or whatever
the matter may be, I forgive them.
We must ask ourselves: when we say that, do we truly mean it?
Chacham Ben Zion Abba Shaul, in Or L'Tzion, actually states: if
you don't mean it, you shouldn't say it. But, as Rav Chaim Palaggi
emphasizes, during these days we must work on genuinely meaning it. We have to
overcome our true upsets and genuinely forgive those who wronged us.
Why Forgiveness is Our Shield
Why is this internal forgiveness so important?
The Sefer Cheshek Shlomo from Rav Shlomo Sirok
(brought in a collection of ancient manuscripts by Rav Yaakov Hillel)
explains the profound reason:
On Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, when we ask
God to forgive us, the Satan (accuser) stands up and says: "Hold
on! Treat them the way they treat others. If they don't want to forgive others,
You shouldn't forgive them either!" This causes a person's sins to be
remembered and held against them.
Therefore, one should be meticulous in forgiving and being
easygoing so that God will treat them the way they treat others. Just as we
want God to forgive us, we must forgive others.
The Power of Bitachon (Trust in God)
The question, however, remains: How? How can one truly
forgive when a person has deeply wronged or upset them?
This brings us back to the Torah's command not to bear a
grudge. It's an enormous ask: "Let bygones be bygones and forget what the
person did to you."
The Sefer HaChinuch provides the only path to achieve
this: having Bitachon (trust in God) and believing that no human
being could do anything to you—no human being can impact you in any way—unless
God specifically decreed it.
The person who wronged you will be punished by God, but that
is not your concern. That is between them and God. As for you, if it was going
to happen to you, it would have happened regardless of who performed the
action.
The Sefer HaChinuch brings the famous story of Shimei
ben Gera, who cursed King David when David was fleeing from Absalom.
David's response was profound: "Hashem said to him, 'Curse!'"
David understood that God put the cursing into Shimei's mind. It had nothing to
do with Shimei's personal spite; it was part of God's decree.
Because of this profound control and understanding, David was
elevated to become the fourth "leg" of God's throne
(alongside Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob). His self-mastery,
rooted in the understanding that God ultimately orchestrates everything, earned
him this immense spiritual status.
The Saving Power of Forgiveness
This is not an easy job; it takes hard work. But this is our
assignment on Yom Kippur: to arouse that deep-seated Bitachon.
We are all familiar with the story involving Rav Chaim
Shmulevitz. The Mir Yeshiva was in a bomb shelter during a war, and as
people prayed, a bomb struck the shelter. The building shook, but the bomb
turned out to be a dud.
Rav Shmulevitz later said that people assumed it was the
fervent prayers of the young men that protected the Yeshiva. He then related
that he was not far from a woman who had been grievously wronged by her husband
many years earlier—he had abandoned her, leaving her an agunah
(a woman whose husband's whereabouts are unknown).
At that precise moment, she simply looked up and said: "Hashem, I
forgive him. Please forgive us."
Rav Shmulevitz stated he believed those were the words
that made the impact and saved the Yeshiva. It is a powerful, saving
strength.
We must delve deep into the recesses of our soul to find the
strength to forgive someone who wronged us and believe that
ultimately, they were not the ones who truly made it happen. When we are able
to forgive others, God is able to forgive us, and our prayers are heard.
May we all merit to engage in this deep spiritual work.
