Be'ezrat Hashem, this week's tip: Rather than expect them to be there, help them get there. Often, children don't do what we'd like them to do, whether they're not praying the way we want them to or they're not cooperating the way we would like. They're not sharing with their siblings. They don't listen to me right away. They're not performing well at school.
Or take areas where they do what we don't want them to do: disrespect, that fresh mouth that they have, how they answer me back, if they fight with their brothers and sisters, if they use improper language, or if they're hanging out with the wrong friends. The list is very, very long. What's our initial reaction and response? We get upset. We get angry. And we get frustrated. Now, that's a one-size-fits-all reaction. The question is, is that going to help them improve the particular behavior we're looking for them to rectify?
Instead of just getting upset and angry and frustrated, why don't we help them? Or, if you want to get upset, angry, and frustrated, do it. But help them as well. Don't just get upset, angry, and frustrated. After you get over being upset, help them tomorrow, the next day, or two hours later to do what you want them to do. Thank you.
The father in the community told me that his son wasn't performing well at school. The father took hours out to help his son study the material he needed to know at school. Here's a case where the father did not just get upset at the child, but made it his business to help the child.
Now, you say you don't know how to help the child. You don't know what to do. How do I help them to be respectful? How do I help them to share? How do I help them to listen to me? I have these tips coming. We hope to continue them. But the first thing is to know that if you want to help them, don't do things that don't help them. Often, getting upset, getting angry, and getting frustrated may let off steam. It may be the easy way to react. It may not be the way that's going to help your child.
So think it through carefully. Think: “I'm going to react now. I'm going to get upset. I'm going to get angry. I'm going to get frustrated. It is going to help.” To be honest, the frustrations and anger that we have usually come without thinking. The blessing in the chinuch (education/upbringing) of our children will come when we begin to think before we react. With sincere wishes for your hatzlacha and success. Thank you for listening.