So I told you: Rabbi Yaakov Bender from Far Rockaway, the Rosh Yeshiva of Darchei Torah, with 2,800 students, all boys, was here for Shabbat. He was in this shul (synagogue); he was in the neighboring shul, back and forth. He had a lot of Q&As about chinuch (Jewish education). And here's what struck me: he gave honest answers. What I mean is, he didn't care what people would say.
What do you do if your kid's a sports fan? He's like, “Whatever. I don't care.” I'm like, “One second. That's not the most yeshivish (yeshiva-oriented) answer in the world. The most yeshivish answer might be, ‘We have to be careful. I don't know if he's wasting time. And if, chas veshalom (God forbid), he sees a ball in the air on TV, he might go off the derech (off the path).’” He just said, “I don't think so. I'm not so...” Whatever, they'll grow out of it.
Then there's a device that's debated in the Jewish world. I'm not going to tell you what the device is. It's not hard to guess. It's a device that a lot of frum (religiously observant) people... Should I have it in a house? Should we not have it in a house? Should we filter? Should we not? Should we have an answer? Should we not? He's like, “I think it's fine.” I'm like, “You just said that in public?” Most people would say, “If you're a kid, otherwise they're going to go off the derech. Then maybe it's okay. You could use it on Tuesdays between 9 and 10.” He's like, “I think it's fine.” And I said to myself, “Where do you have that confidence?”
We have to live that way, because the less you're worried about the show, the more you're worried about your own authenticity. And I'll tell you why you shouldn't worry that much about the show. You want to know why you shouldn't worry about the show? Because those people in those beach chairs, those 12 people, those three sisters sitting by the pool who are talking about you and making you put on the show, they're putting on a show too. Their life is also a game. They're putting on a show, and even the other 12 people in the beach chairs don't know what they themselves are showing, what show they're putting on.
Don't worry. Don't force yourself to be a fraud because of other people who are also frauds. Don't force yourself to distort your authenticity because of other people who also distort their authenticity. The person who judges your kid for going to some yeshiva has a kid who went to the same yeshiva. The people who judge your kid because your kid is taking medication have a kid who's also taking medication. The people who judge you because you said something in public aren't sure about your marriage; they're also not sure about their marriage. Everybody's living the same life. There's no difference. So don't worry so much. Be smart, but at the same time, don't be too smart. Be aware, but don't be too aware, because then you're distracted.