The pasuk (verse) says, “Anochi haster astir panai mehem.” We all usually explain that to mean that Hashem is sometimes hidden. But it doesn’t just say “hidden.” It says haster astir—a doubled expression. What is the double language? Sometimes, within the hidden, He is doubly hidden. First, He is hidden, as in, “Why is it so hard?” And then He is doubly hidden, as in, “How does this even make sense?”
Avraham Avinu had nine tests, and all of them made sense. He had to leave his father’s house because he was going to grow from it. There was a famine. Could he handle Hashem asking more of him by telling him to leave his land? His wife was going to be taken; he could imagine that hopefully Hashem would protect her and that it would lead to blessing, as it did. He had to separate from his nephew because his nephew was not following the right path. “I need to go through this test in order to become who I need to become. I need to separate Yishmael from Yitzchak. I need to go through this test in order to make Yitzchak the ultimate blessing.” So he was growing and becoming stronger. He went to a world war and had to overcome it. Trust in Hashem. He was becoming stronger and greater, and his wife was becoming greater. He performed Brit Milah (covenant of circumcision). He served the sick at the most difficult time, which will be a role model for the rest of the Jewish world, and ultimately had this incredible son who would be the future of the Jewish people.
All of it was hard, but all of it made sense. As he went through each test, you could see, “Okay, Hashem is going to take me someplace better.” It is hard to go when you don’t know where you’re going, but Hashem is going to take me someplace better. It was what you would call a straightforward test until he got to Akedah Yitzchak. Akedah Yitzchak logically doesn’t make sense. I don’t know if I should use those words, but it doesn’t look like it makes sense. Hashem promised that Yitzchak would be his future. How could it be that now he was supposed to slaughter Yitzchak? Avraham Avinu spent his whole life helping other people. How could it be that now he had to kill someone? Avraham Avinu spent his whole life performing chesed (kindness). How could it be that now he was supposed to do the exact opposite? He was supposed to murder. Sarah had gone through 90 painful years before finally having a son, and now she finally had a son. He was supposed to rip that son from beneath her and kill him. This is hard to make sense of. How do you explain this?
So this test is much harder than any of the other nine, because the other nine were difficult, but you could see where they were headed. It’s like some tests you have. Maybe you’re not married at 22 years old, even though you wish you were. And you can say, “Okay, Hashem is waiting for someone great for me.” There are moments when you have tests; we all have tests. And you can see how things could develop. Maybe you don’t see it yet; that’s why it’s a test. But you can see how things could develop. There’s no developing in this one. It’s over. The whole thing just goes up in smoke. How do I understand this?
And so this test requires a different skill. The test that makes sense requires strength. The test that doesn’t seem to make sense requires something different. Vayomer elav Avraham. Hashem calls to Abraham. And he responds, Vayomer hineni (And he said, Here I am). In the English, they define Hineni as “Here I am.” Shimshon Refael says that’s not the definition of Hineni. If he wanted to say “Here I am,” he could have said, “I am here.” What does Hineni mean? Hineni means “I am here,” but it also means “I am ready.” That means Avraham Avinu is announcing, “Hashem, whatever You throw at me, however little sense it makes, I am ready.” Hineni isn’t necessary for tests that are just hard. It’s necessary for tests that logically don’t make sense.
And that word Hineni is not just a word he used. That word Hineni, in essence, if you look at it properly, as we will right now, is really the heartbeat of the Jew. Hineni captures everything that we do. Hineni: “I am ready.”