The Shabbat after Tishah B’Av is famously known as שבת נחמו, a reference to the haftarah read on this Shabbat which tells of Hashem’s call to console the Jewish People as they grieved for the devastating hurban (destruction): נחמו נחמו עמי, יאמר אלוקיכם – “Console, console My nation, says your G-d.”

The meaning of נחמה (consolation) can be understood from a pasuk in the beginning of Megilat Echah, which we read on Tishah B’Av, that describes what it’s like without נחמה. The pasuk says:

בכו תבכה בלילה, ודמעתה על לחיה, אין לה מנחם מכל אוהביה.

She [Yerushalayim] cries at night, and her tear is on her cheeks; she has no one from among all who love her giving consolation…

Yerushalayim is described as someone who weeps and grieves alone, with the tears pouring down her face because there is no מנחם, no one to comfort her and wipe away her tears.

We live in a very lonely generation. We live in a time where we enjoy unparalleled comforts and so many benefits that previous generations could never have dreamed of, but people today feel so lonely.

We are all so good at putting on a show – wearing a smile, responding to “How are you” with a happy “Baruch Hashem,” and making it appear as though everything is fine. But everyone is struggling with something, with some fear, some anxiety, something that upsets them, something that depresses them, something that makes them miserable. Even worse, so many people feel they have nobody to talk to, nobody who understands them, nobody who knows what they’re going through.

בכו תבכה בלילה...אין לה מנחם מכל אוהביה. People today have many אוהבים, friends and family members who like them, but אין לה מנחם – they feel alone. And so בכו תבכה בלילה, they cry in hiding, in the dark, alone.

Perhaps the call of נחמו נחמו עמי is directed to each and every one of us. The way we experience נחמה, consolation, is by making an active effort to provide נחמה to others, to see to it that nobody is alone, that nobody has to cry בלילה, in solitude.

A man once overheard someone on the phone – who turned out to be a gardener – asking the person on the other line if he needed a gardener. He explained that he is very experienced and does a very good job. The person on the other line said he already had a gardener whom he is very happy with. The gardener then called somebody else, and got the same response. He ended calling 15 people – and they all said that they already had a gardener whom they’re happy with.

Finally, the man overhearing the phone calls, feeling very bad for the gardener, approached him and offered to hire him to take care of his lawn.

“Sorry,” the gardener said. “I’m booked. I can’t take on any more customers.”

The man was startled. “You just called up 15 people asking them to hire you!!”

“You don’t understand,” the gardener said. “These are my customers. I work for all of them, but I never receive a single compliment. I called them pretending to be somebody else so I could hear them say that they’re happy with their gardener…”

So many people in our community feel this way. They feel alone, unappreciated, unloved, and ignored. But it doesn’t have to be this way.

Is it that difficult to give a compliment? It is that difficult to be gracious? Is it that difficult to give a warm smile? Is it that difficult to pick up the phone and call somebody who lives alone or who is struggling with some problem, and lend an ear? Is it that difficult to go over to a visitor or new member in shul and warmly introduce yourself?

Is it that difficult to reach out, to express concern, to show some warmth and friendship?

נחמו נחמו עמי. Of course, only Hashem can bring us complete consolation, and we pray for it each and every day. But the process starts with the נחמה we give each other, by uplifting one another, encouraging one another, and supporting one another, so that no man, woman or child ever feels alone.

More lectures from Rabbi Joey Haber

Comforting Each Other

No, if onlys.......

I Can't Take It

Let the Little Things Stay Little

Do You Care What You Say?

Concern Versus Hysteria