Being a chassid, on page 341, we said: You think of a chassid as an external appearance or a certain mindset, or even extreme service, or that tefillah (prayer) is extreme, full of koach and energy, and takes a lot of time. That’s what you think of as a chassid. He’s a chassid from one friend to another, from one Jew to another. So it means, basically, going over the top and above and beyond.
The example he’s about to bring is about financial help and being generous. This is a major item and, in my opinion, a very important indicator of what kind of Jew a person is: how generous he is specifically when it comes to money, but even in other areas as well. There’s a certain type that’s tight. By the way, obviously we’re talking about a person who has the means. There’s a certain type that’s tight, which means they calculate everything, and sometimes overcalculate. They find ways, similar to taxes, to say, “Okay, according to this angle, according to this calculation, I did my duty, I gave enough, I’m good. I don’t have time. I can’t give to that one, and that one; it doesn’t fit into my number. And now someone randomly sees me—it wasn’t part of my plan, so I’m not going to give them another $20.” They’re very limited, very exact, very organized, often, but at the same time, not so free, loose, and generous.
Let’s see the words inside. I’m sorry for the word mamon (money). The mamon, when it comes to being a chassid, a money, it would be generous and help a person with the means that you have, and financially assist a person and help him avoid financial damage as well. In other words, you’re with another person and worrying about his finances. Because, again, in a similar vein, my concern for other people having money makes me not interested in harming another guy financially. It makes me feel bad if I’m not paying him properly, and makes me think, you know, does he have enough money to live? It’s all part of my concern, my chassidut (pious conduct) toward other people financially. Either it means I give, or at least I don’t take away. At least I’m happy for them to have it. It’s all part of the same mental approach toward caring about other people, and specifically in this area, being a chassid with someone’s finances.
I’ll give you an example. If a guy is struggling and comes to talk to you, if you care and show that you care, that means you have a certain feeling toward other people’s financial state. You don’t only worry about their physical well-being or stuff like that; you worry about their whole picture. We all know a person’s financial well-being is a problem. It’s really part of their functionality, and it makes a big difference to how much they can live in this world. If you care, that means you care about people. If you don’t care, it means you care a lot less about people. So being a chassid toward others also means not only caring specifically about their physical well-being, but also being conscious of and worrying about their mental well-being.
Bein l'yachid, bein l'rabim. Whether it be for an individual or for the community. You have a guy who’s trying to help out the community financially. That guy cares. About eight months ago or so, someone came up and approached me and said he had a very tough background growing up as a kid. I think Hashem has blessed him now. He approached me and said, “I want to give people food for Shabbat. Figure out a way that I can help give people food for Shabbat.” I said, “You know, it’s a generous thing.” I said, “Why?” He said, “Because I know how it feels. You know how it feels for you not to be in the community? You don’t have to have a normal Shabbat table. And I want to give them—can you please find people who need food for Shabbat?” He gave me a task and a job. Until today, I’m finding people who need money for food for Shabbat. It’s coming mainly from this guy and his family. And where did it come from? A person who feels for other people. There’s no fanfare. No one has a clue who this guy is. No one knows the name of the organization. Even the people who get the money don’t know where it’s coming from. They don’t even know anyone who’s related to it.
“He went through it, correct?” “He went through it, exactly.” Going through it sometimes gives you that ability to say, “I want to help.” Sometimes. Most times. The idea of this concept of being a chassid toward others means you feel their pain. The only way you really can recognize and fully care for other people is if you feel their pain. Usually, the best way to feel the pain is to have felt their pain once before. Either you’re just an extremely sensitive person, or you’re a person who went through it one way or another. There’s no question about it. When it comes to every area of being involved with people, there’s no better education, there’s no better sense than experience. Experience can be spending time talking to people, but even better than that is living it one way or another. Experience is the number one educator when it comes to other people. You want to learn life? There’s nothing better than experience.
When it comes to people’s financial struggles, you know, it’s very hard to really appreciate or sense the challenge of being financially under pressure unless the person has dealt with it. Because it’s not something so tangible. Okay, he needs money to live. I got it. But he made it along if he figured it out so far. Okay, you know, money is fuel. I understand. Being financially well off is helpful. But it’s not life itself. That’s what we think until you experience it. Then you have a bill you have to pay. Imagine in your mind having a bill to pay and being unable to pay it. It’s the most pressurizing feeling, because you can’t sleep at night. You can’t sleep. You can’t function.
I know you and I, and thank God, personally it’s different, but when it came to this shul (synagogue), at a certain point in time, when it became my responsibility and I wasn’t really used to it at all, I had the thought to look at the number: there’s X amount in the account, and there’s an unbelievable amount of bills coming in, and the month is ending, and I have no plan. It was pressure that I could not even—I couldn’t believe it. And now people do this. Again, I had a whole newfound appreciation for my father because he never showed this pressure, even though he had it. But there’s a certain sense people have: an unbelievable, literal lack of being able to live like a normal person when you have this stress. For another person to know that and really display the right sensitivity requires some degree of experience or a real sense of sensitivity. And that makes you a chassid.
When you get that, you know, you look at people who give charity, who are loose. There are two types, in my opinion. Either they have an unbelievable education from their parents, and their parents told them, “You want to be blessed? Give charity.” And they’re loose because of that. Or they have a great experience. In other words, they have great knowledge from experience in this topic. Either one creates a loose level. If a guy has no education or has never experienced it, he understands the mitzvah (commandment) called charity. The mitzvah of charity is not going to do it for you. It’s not going to get you to be generous. You need more than just the mitzvah, checking the box. You need the sense of charity. You need the feeling. You need the emotion. You need the reason to give. You need to see the fruit of giving. You need a mindset. That mindset is a whole different world. It’s true when it comes to money. And it’s also true when it comes to other areas, but specifically financially for now.
A guy, let’s say, who dedicates himself to build a community organization to help people out. What’s in it for that guy? If people know his name and he has fanfare, I hear. But no one knows his name. No fanfare. Or the agita (aggravation) outweighs the fanfare. So what’s in it? What’s in it is that he has a sense of worrying about the community at large. That’s a beautiful person. He’s not doing it for anything else. He’s based on chassidut. There’s also something there. And he has a keren kayemet (the principal endures).
A guy who thinks to himself, “Right now people are able to make ends meet. They’re not going to be damaged right now. But I want them to have more. I don’t want them to even face a challenge. I want them to be so well protected financially that I don’t have to deal with what’s going to come down the road.” A guy looks at a young couple who just got married, who probably can afford the basics. But he knows a young couple getting married and getting on their feet: if you make them pay all their bills within a few months, they’re going to be underwater. “Let me leave the pressure from the beginning. Let me give you something, a little bonus, a little extra. Leave the pressure of financial restraints on a young couple.” He’s not really saving a poor person, but he’s avoiding a challenge. Again, that takes even more sensitivity and more understanding, and more ability to be a person who can see into the future to really recognize needs. And that is a chassid.
Right? A person should think, “My friend’s money is as valuable to me as my own.” Imagine that mindset. “I really worry about the people and their financial state.” Right? This is not so easy to attain. First of all, we face the issue of jealousy. Right? Number two, we face the challenge of wanting to be up there. That doesn’t fit with both these points. Number three, it’s hard for me to deal with other people’s pain all the time. But you know what? If you open yourself up to this mindset, you recognize how financial stress can be equal.
I know people, and I’ll be honest with you, I know people who dealt with medical stress and financial stress. Medical stress, they were able to handle. The financial one, they weren’t. I looked at them and I said, “I don’t get it. One is life. The other one is not life. It’s fuel to function properly. But it’s not life.” My comment is wrong, because it’s true: one is life, one is physically living, the other one is not. But the reality is, being underwater financially is such a hard thing to function with. It’s an impossible stress to deal with when we don’t have training, when we don’t have a method out, when we don’t have a way to live. Other people need to see that for those who are in need. And they need to see that and display that mindset in a few ways. One, to pitch in in any way they can. Two, to give advice in any way they can. Three, to give them a word of chizuk (encouragement), or, not financially, in a way that they can. And four, give them a job, a thousand percent, and additionally, don’t make them feel so bad.
Part of the challenge is not just the inability to make ends meet. Maybe equal to that is the bushah (shame) and the challenge it feels like for me, myself, if I cannot put food on the table properly, chas veshalom (God forbid). It’s a very difficult feeling. Your entire ego and self-esteem go out the window. It’s hard to be a husband. It’s hard to be a father. It’s hard to be a friend. It’s hard to be a member of a shul. It’s hard to be a member of this community. It’s very personal.
So you have to figure out how to make people feel that money is not a thing. It’s a challenge because everyone thinks money is a challenge. Money leads to something. It’s a challenge. If you work at it, develop your character, and open yourself up to being worried about other people’s financial well-being, you can change your relationship to other people, and you can literally change how other people live. Because there are people out there who are struggling, sometimes for months, sometimes for years. They cannot function. The only way they’re able to function is if they go to a location or have friends or family who are comfortable around them, who make them comfortable even while these people are going through a tough time. So you’re literally providing them life. That’s the mindset, and that’s the need. So you want to be a chassid toward other people? Worry about their financial state and display all this in the process. That’s the idea, right?