On a weekly basis, we learn proper speech. There is an annual cycle in which the Chafetz Chaim is learned daily. That is Hilchot Lashon Hara and Hilchot Rechilut, and it is completed three times in one year: the Rosh Hashanah cycle, the Shabbat cycle, and the end-of-the-year cycle, the Rosh Hashanah cycle again.
We’re about to finish, in the next few days, the cycle that began way back when. Out of 120 days, we’re on day 115, so we’ve done the majority of the book. The first time was Aleph Tishrei, and we’re going to do Aleph Tishrei and Aleph Shevat again. But in the interim, we’re going to learn about what’s called Rechilut.
Rechilut is basically gossip to us. It is not saying something bad or saying something harmful, which is Lashon Hara, but saying something—passing along information like a peddler. A peddler in Lashon HaKodesh, the Hebrew language, is called a rochel (peddler). So Rechilut is someone passing information along casually: “Did you hear what this guy said about you? Did you hear this or that about...” In other words, peddling the information.
In learning the issurim (prohibitions), we found many of them are similar to Lashon Hara, with quirks and changes. But now we’re going to get to the thing where you are permitted to speak Rechilut. In fact, it’s a mitzvah (commandment) to speak Rechilut. How could that be? You’re telling me it’s the same as Lashon Hara? Well, there’s also a thing called Lashon Hara Leto’elet, for constructive purpose. So when we get to the laws of Rechilut, we have Rechilut for constructive purpose.
The concluding chapter of the Sefer tells us that, as he wrote, we’ll explain when it is actually correct to speak Rechilut in cases where the speaker’s intention is to save a person from damage. The Chafetz Chaim says he prays. He says, “I ask Hashem, in the Lashon HaKodesh version, that I should not stumble in the matter of Halacha (Jewish law).” Meaning, this is very, very thin ice, and he is very careful how he explains it, so it doesn’t lead anybody into thinking what they’re saying is permitted when it could in fact be forbidden Rechilut.
So pay attention carefully. We’re not going to cover a lot. We’re going to give you the parameters. The Chafetz Chaim found it important to say Tefillah (prayer) because of the sensitivity.
Now, let’s say you learn that your friend is about to hire a Jewish contractor for repairs or to build a house. You know that this contractor is not to be trusted. You’re familiar with cases in which he changed his price, used inferior materials, or demanded extra money in order to finish. So the Chafetz Chaim says: You know this guy, and now you want to warn your friend not to get involved. How could you? Somebody’s going to create these problems. “I’d prefer you try somebody else” would be a nice way to put it. But how can I avoid Rechilut by passing along this information to protect somebody without violating the laws?
Well, first of all, number one, you cannot jump to conclusions. We’ve all had the experience—I have—of making an assumption and then later finding out it’s totally wrong. When we got more information, we found out what we thought at first was incorrect. So before you say something that will cause the contractor a loss of income, you must check your facts. You have to look into it and be certain that what you believe to be true is in fact true.
Second, some people like to caution people by frightening them into believing—we call that exaggerating. You say, “You can’t believe what he did,” and then you start to tell a story. Do not use terms or expressions that will make the violator, this unreliable contractor, or even a dishonest contractor, worse than he actually is. You may think you need to exaggerate to get your point across or to prevent your friend from using him, but that’s asur (forbidden).
Third, be sure your only intention is for constructive purpose. Be sure that when you speak, you don’t have any personal motivation, any grudge, or any bad feelings about the guy you’re speaking about that would taint your honesty with an opinion that’s prejudiced in advance. In other words, if you had a bad experience personally with this contractor, and even though you made up, settled, or whatever you did, you still have that feeling—“I don’t like the guy”—you should not be the one to tell your friend about the dishonesty.
So what should I do? I want to protect him. In that case, go see a rabbi. Tell the rabbi your predicament. You know something, but it happened to you, and therefore you’re afraid it may be personal, not pure, and you don’t want to violate Rechilut. How do I get the message to my friend to protect him?
First of all, you also have to be sure you aren’t saying something that your friend will turn into Rechilut. Let’s say he told people, “I’m using this contractor,” and then, when the actual job starts, a different sign goes up, and you’re going to say, “Hey, what happened? I thought you were using... Joe B. Contractors. How come you’re using Charlie C. Contractors?” Well, you don’t know what happened. Excuse me. Now he’s speaking Rechilut. And just as you cannot speak Rechilut, you cannot cause somebody else to speak Rechilut.
It’s especially true if things don’t go as planned. Your friend might lose his temper, and then he’s going to say, “Raymond was right. I should have listened to him.” Now you’ve got... Rechilut squared.
Now, number four: if there’s any way you can get your friend not to use the contractor without telling him anything negative, do that. For example, “I know a guy who does great work for less money.” That’s good bait. At least the man will check into using a different contractor. “I know a man; he did 10 jobs in the neighborhood in the last five years. He always finished on time,” which is... Contractors are notorious for not finishing on time. So maybe you can tempt him to use somebody else by suggesting, in a constructive way and without mentioning any weakness on the part of the man he was intending to use, that he try somebody else, to try to save him from using that contractor.
And number five, you have to evaluate and consider the impact of your words. If the result is that this particular customer should not hire the contractor, okay. But if you’re going to ruin the man’s business, and it’s going to be all over town that you shouldn’t use him, and before you know it he has no jobs, forget the friend you wanted to save—you put him out of business. That severe impact would forbid you from telling even your friend.
So, in most cases, I just want you to know: Leto’elet, whether it’s Lashon Hara or whether it’s Rechilut, when you want to be helpful, you have to be very, very careful. You have to be careful to make sure, first of all, that what you’re going to say is accurate, that it’s going to protect somebody or lead to a positive result, and that there are no hard feelings involved. When you don’t know what to do, you ask a rabbi, and the rabbi will tell you what to do.
There was a case once where a man got a call regarding a shidduch, regarding a bazaar, an arrangement to marry. The person said, “I’m calling you because I know you know this family, and my daughter is going out with a boy who was divorced. I didn’t know about the situation, and I didn’t know the cause for the divorce. I would have stopped it earlier, but I found out the story is that he beat his wife. I don’t want to put my daughter in that situation, but I want to verify it before I give up on this possibility, which happens to be very good.” He happens to be close to the family. So he asks this boy’s mother, “Hey, I heard he’s divorced. What happened?”
She says, “Oh, you know, he’s...” He says, “You know, I understand he beat his wife.” She says, “Well, his former wife has a way of riling people up.” So now what he confirmed was that he did in fact beat his wife. Maybe she caused him to beat her, but there was exact physical contact.
He went to his rabbi, and his rabbi said, “You’re still not allowed to say it. It’s second information. We don’t have any videos. We can’t confirm it, but you can suspect it. So you know what? Suggest to the person that their daughter is young. She’s from a good family. She’s attractive. She’s intelligent. She’s fun. Tell her not to go out with him and let her go out with somebody else.”
So the rabbi who was called hangs up the phone thinking, “Wow, I followed the rabbi’s advice. That’s great.” About a month later, he gets an invitation to their wedding. Baruch Hashem, I know the case, and I can tell you they’re still married 10 years later and they’re still okay. I don’t know if he beats her privately, but so far everything’s worked out.
The basic idea is that when you don’t know what to do and you want to help, you’re still not allowed to speak on your own unless you fulfill the requirements. And if you don’t know whether you fulfill the requirements or don’t know how to fulfill them, ask a rabbi what to do. Otherwise, you may be subject to Rechilut.