Again, on iTorah.com, on Zoom, TC Live, thanks to Shaare Zion. Torah Tuesday is a four-session series, including Daf Yomi in the morning, which should be number five, and there's the rabbi. Everybody wants to know where the voice is coming from.
This is a brief weekly session on Shemirat HaLashon (guarding the tongue), very beneficial as you accumulate knowledge about how to deal with so many everyday situations where we know the speaker, the victim, and the receiver are all involved in this Lashon HaTov (good speech) situation. I like to say Shemirat HaLashon rather than Lashon Hara (evil speech).
Today, a very unusual point is made by the Chafetz Chaim in Kelal (chapters). He calls the chapters Kelalim in the Sefer Chafetz Chaim. In Kelal Tet, he opens by giving us insight into speaking positively about somebody and yet violating the laws of Lashon. Basically, as we have learned so many times, we think that you violate the laws of Lashon, the laws of Shemirat HaLashon, when you say something negative about somebody or say something that causes harm to somebody. The harm could be financial, physical, or to someone’s reputation. But it’s a negative statement or a statement that causes harm. Either one.
Today, the Chafetz Chaim is going to introduce us to the idea of Avak Lashon Hara. Avak Lashon Hara. Eleh HaDevarim (these are the things), we usually discuss it. And Eleh HaDevarim, Rashei Tevot (initial letters), Eleh: Avak Lashon Hara. It’s when somebody creates a situation that could be harmful, even though I didn’t say anything bad. And that is Asur (forbidden). He brings up a concept called Avak Lashon Hara, which is the dust of Lashon Hara. It basically heightens in our minds how serious the sin of Lashon Hara really is. Avak Lashon Hara is so dangerous that all of Kelal Tet, the entire chapter, is about one aspect: statements that are forbidden as Lashon Hara or that can lead to Lashon Hara.
Usually, dust is so small that, unless it’s on a dark surface in the sunlight, you won’t see one speck of dust. It’s the same with Avak Lashon Hara. To say somebody is bad, or that there’s something bad about them you want to point out, or something less than perfect about them you want to magnify—everybody knows that’s Lashon Hara. If you’re working on Shemirat HaLashon, then without a sefer, without a book to instruct you, you would come to the point where you might be able to avoid speaking Lashon Hara, which is real Lashon Hara. But Avak Lashon Hara takes a little more attention.
I’ll give you an example. Someone says, “See that guy? It’s amazing how far he’s come.” What are you saying? He used to be not so great. He might have been less than commendable. He might even have been in the category of bad. But look how far he’s come. You’re highlighting the fact that he wasn’t always like this. He wasn’t always such a tzaddik (righteous person). He wasn’t always in control of his temper. Look how far he’s gone. Look how his therapy, self-imposed or from outside, has helped him. That’s Avak Lashon Hara.
Considering his unsavory past, I can’t believe he’s a rabbi today, or a happily married man today, or a teacher today, or so generous today. He’s not like he was. Or you might be saying, “It’s amazing how much he knows.” Does that mean he’s not so bright? He’s not so intelligent? Is it amazing how much knowledge he’s been able to accumulate through hard work and overcoming his shortcomings? That is called Avak Lashon Hara.
The most famous case is when you offer pure praise. What could be wrong with praising a person 100%? The halacha (Jewish law) identifies certain statements that could lead to a lack of praise. It’s the same in the case of Avak Lashon Hara, where praising a person might cause Lashon Hara. What is that? You’re standing with people. One might be a competitor in business with the person you’re going to speak about. Another might not have such good feelings toward that person. I like to be nice when I say it, and now you praise someone: “He’s such a good businessman,” and you say how he really built a beautiful business and is generous with money. He gives charity. Somebody standing there says, “He didn’t build a business. He inherited a million dollars from his father,” or, “His father built a business, and he went from there. He’s not so great.” The negative statement was prompted by your praise. It was prompted and motivated by someone saying it in front of somebody who has less than good feelings about the subject of the conversation.
So, although you can say, “What did I say? I didn’t say anything,” the spotlight is now directed at the person, and somebody who doesn’t like that person, is jealous of that person, envies that person, or was once hurt by that person will be sure to knock that person. It’s like when you walk out of a shiur (lesson) and say, “I love coming to hear this rabbi. He blows me away.” Next to you is perhaps a speaker who’s not so dynamic, or someone who doesn’t love that speaker so much. They are now prompted to show you how wrong you are to think that person is so perfect: “Did you know that? Do you realize he said this? Do you know one time…?” And already you’ve opened up a can of worms by praising the person.
Now, the Chafetz Chaim goes so far as to say that the rules we’ve learned so far are about someone praising someone in front of one person. But what about praising someone in public, introducing or summarizing a speech with praise, or praising somebody at an event? I’m not talking about eulogies. Some people praise too much. A rabbi once got up to introduce a speaker and told of all the good and the reasons why you should listen to this speaker. He went on a little too long. The speaker got up and said, “Rav taught us it’s good to open a shiur with a joke—not a frivolous joke, but a joke that makes a point. I’m so glad I came here, but I didn’t come to hear my own eulogy.”
There’s so much you could say about a person before you wake somebody up, and a jealous person might have a negative reaction to what you’re saying. Basically, the only place where public praise would be permitted is in a case where the person is even such a righteous person, such a well-meaning person, such a community activist type of person, that most people would not speak up against him for fear of alienating themselves or of getting into an argument with somebody else who has the general, favorable opinion of this person.
In the Be’er Mayim Chaim, he says in a little footnote—those are the footnotes written by the Chafetz Chaim on the Sefer Chafetz Chaim—that people discussing somebody’s praises should never speak in front of people who generally speak Lashon Hara. They just can’t take it. They just cannot take hearing praise of somebody else. They’ll be prompted by your positive words to speak negatively and knock that person down. So, if the people you’re with are those who generally speak Lashon Hara, don’t praise somebody there, because they’ll find a way to turn your words into a negative statement.
By the way, there’s another way of speaking Lashon Hara without saying the words, just to give you an insight that it goes beyond just praising. Two children are sitting, and somebody spills something on the hostess’s new carpet. She comes into the room, and there are only two children there. One child is sharp, because when she screams and says, “Who spilled that on my new carpet?” the child says, “Not me!” And that’s Lashon Hara about the other person. If it’s not me, it must be him. It doesn’t always sound like a negative statement about somebody, but Avak Lashon Hara can be a positive statement that turns out to be negative. Be careful.
We're going to take a two minute break as we usually do and we'll be back with our weekly shmooze (informal talk) on Mussar (ethical instruction).