Welcome to our Shemirat HaLashon (guarding the tongue) session, held weekly at 11.45. Today I want to discuss two things that are very often violations of Shemirat HaLashon, but people don't realize they are violations. Chafetz Chaim told us that people very often make a comment that isn't intended to be damaging and may not seem so clearly wrong. For example, they might say, “Oh, he's not so smart.” Let's say he made a mistake and somebody comes to complain. The answer is, “He's not so smart.” It's not really, “He's dumb” or “He's stupid”; he's not so smart. It's everyday conversation, and they're offering a judgment: “I heard him speak; he's not so strong,” or “I went to a class; he's not my style.” Now, such statements about a class may affect whether a person comes or not, and statements about a person may cost a job. But “he's not so smart,” or something that simple—they don't understand, says the Chafetz Chaim, that a verbal analysis, assessment, or judgment that's less than flattering is definitely Lashon Hara (evil speech). It's not only negative. It's not only true. But it can be very damaging in the future. There are people who want to hire only people who are very intelligent or very quick-witted. There are people who want to get married. They want to know that the person is smart, not that the person is viewed negatively.
So you might say, “Well, it's not Lashon Hara because it's true.” Listen, I know that Hashem gives everybody exactly what they need to fulfill their service. And so Hashem didn't give this guy smarts. It's not what he needs. Hashem made the other guy smart because that's what he needs. I didn't say he's not capable. He's just not smart. So the fact that he may not be so smart, or that it's not crucial to his current employment, may still affect his shidduch (match), his bashert. His match, his potential wife. It certainly might affect something in the future, where a position was open or a responsibility was waiting to be given away, and he's eliminated because somebody said he's not so smart. So the fact that you can justify it doesn't mean it's not Lashon Hara, because you still have the problem that it can cause harm.
The foreword of Chafetz Chaim warns us: by casually stating that someone is not smart, we have the case of the shidduch, we have the case of the job; he may be a Rav or a Posek (halachic decisor), and he won't have what he's supposed to have. There's a famous story about the Chafetz Chaim and another person. They were traveling together, and the other person was also a Rav. They came to this inn and sat to eat. It must have been a pretty good place because they sat to eat. The owner came over, realizing these two greats were in his establishment, and asked, “How was everything?” The person accompanying the Chafetz Chaim said, “Everything was delicious, but the soup didn't have enough salt.” The owner walked away. The Chafetz Chaim said, “How could you say something? That's Lashon Hara.” He said, “Lashon Hara? I said, ‘The soup wasn't so salty. It didn't have enough salt.’” The Chafetz Chaim said, “Trust me, the cook in the kitchen is probably a widow. She's probably working to satisfy her family's needs. She's leaving them without a mother while she works. And now the owner is going to become upset that two very famous customers came in and complained about the soup.” He said, “Oh, come on. You're carrying it a little too far, Rabbi. I know it's your expertise, but it's too much.” Now, this is, of course, a colleague of his. It's not somebody like us, who could even answer the Chafetz Chaim. So the Chafetz Chaim said, “Come look.” He took him towards the kitchen. There was a door with that little glass window, and he showed him the man who owned the establishment pointing a finger and looking angry as he berated the cook, who was a woman and happened to be a widow. You never know how far things are going to go, and you have to be very careful with even the most casual comments. Because, by the way, the Rav hurried in, straightened out the story, and saved her job. “I didn't mean that. He took it the wrong way.” Whatever he said, I don't know. But he made sure the lady was not fired. This din (law) of watching your opinions in casual conversation, or expressing something that seems innocuous, means you're not exempt from violating Lashon Hara. If something can cause a problem, create damage, or create hurt, whether now or in the future, it has to be watched.
The second thing I wanted to discuss today was marketing. We all go to work. We used to have buyers in the showroom. Now we Zoom them. But everybody's in competition. If you need an item, there's probably ten people making it, and the ten people making it all want the same one customer. And so the conversation always turns to, “Why should I buy from you?” That happened to me so many times in my life. Until I learned this halacha (Jewish law), I could say I was a violator as well. It's much easier to say, “I make a good product, and I took care with the quality of the dye so they won't fade, the quality of the fabric so it won't shrink, and the specifications of the garments so they would have a good fit.” You could say that. But usually that's not what we say. “Why is somebody a dollar cheaper than you? His quality is not good. His styles don't sell like mine because he never packages them properly. People know my brand, but his has a bad reputation. If you look online, you'll see he gets a two, not a five.” Always knocking the other guy.
Some people will tell you—I’ve mentioned it to people—and they say, “Well, that's business. I'm in the business, he's in the business. If I knock his business, I build up mine.” You're not allowed. You're allowed to build up your own. You're allowed to check the quality of yours, and you're allowed to say, “So compare what I'm telling you. I use non-reactive dyes that don't fade. I have a fabric for us that doesn't fade. I have...” and give the qualities of yours. You can even say, “I also sell it—it's the number three seller right here; it's number this on Amazon.” Whatever you want to say that's positive about you, you could say. And you could use the words, “So compare, shop. But I think you'll find mine is well worth the dollar and more.” But knocking the other person is not good.
Sometimes you make a negative statement and have a collaborator. By collaborator, I mean you have somebody there as well: the boss and the salesman. The boss says something negative about the other vendor's product, and the salesman sitting there will say, “Yeah, he's right.” He didn't say anything negative. He said, “He's right. In fact, it's pretty positive. My boss is right.” But remember that if you hear something from one source, or hear an unverified fact from one person, it's suspect and it's not believed a hundred percent. But our Torah says, al pi shnayim edim yakum davar (By two witnesses a matter shall be established). A certain item or fact that's verified by two people rather than one means you have an ed (witness) and a second ed. Al pi shnayim edim means two witnesses to the fact, or two people who confirm a fact, or two people who agree that something happened or that something is true. The power of two increases its validity and acceptability to another person a hundredfold. Therefore, even if you're with a person who speaks negatively about somebody, and you know about it and maybe agree, just saying, “Yeah, he's right,” or “I think that's true,” could be Lashon Hara, although it sounds like a pretty innocuous statement. “I didn't say anything bad. He did.” But he and you make two. And two makes it true.
So be careful with the three things we discussed. First, the innocuous statement that doesn't seem like Lashon Hara—but always consider that person's future if you are believed. Second, remember that in business, competition is good; competition will always be there. Build up your product; don't knock the other person's product. And third, verifying that something is true, or verifying that you agree that it happened or took place, means that you are saying it's a hundred percent. Whereas when one person says it, there's still doubt in the listener's mind as to whether it's true or not. And the effect will be a hundredfold worse because you verified the fact.