The Sefer Chafetz Chaim has two parts. One part is called Hilchot Lashon Hara, the improper speech, and the other is called Hilchot Rechilut. Rechilut is more like gossiping, passing information from one person to another like a rochel, like a peddler. The word rochel means a peddler, so someone who takes information from one place to another and then to another place—we call it a gossiper; it is called Rechilut.
In the laws of Rechilut, many of the principles that apply to Lashon Hara apply to Rechilut as well. There are certain things a child can't do: he can't count for a minyan (prayer quorum), and he can't be a baal koreh in the Torah, to read to others when there's an obligation. They can't do certain mitzvot (commandments) because they're not obligated. They can do them, but it's not like somebody who is a mitzvah ve'oseh, who has an obligation required. We very often do it to train them. We want to teach them.
And so, when it comes to Rechilut, you may say, “I'm just talking about a kid. The same way he can't violate any of the laws, my talking about him may not apply.” So the Chafetz Chaim makes it very clear in chapter Zayin (seven) of Hilchot Rechilut that the laws of Rechilut apply to all Jews. There's no difference whether the speaker is a man or a woman, a relative or a stranger, or a child. And the person spoken about could be a man, a woman, a child, a friend, or a stranger.
Now, this puts us in a situation where well-intentioned conversation could create a situation that is in violation of Rechilut. Let's say a son or a daughter hears somebody say something about their parent: “Oh, she always does that,” or, “He's like this.” They hear it. Somebody spoke negatively or less than positively about their own parent. A son hears a nasty comment, for example, about his father. He's not allowed to tell his father, “Abraham said this about you,” or, “The guy who sits next to you in Shul (synagogue)—I don't know his name—but he said this to another guy in the hallway, and I heard him.” Even though he's motivated by a desire to honor his father, protect his father, or defend his father, passing on this information is called Rechilut.
Now, from the other side of the coin, a person is not allowed to speak Rechilut about a child, and that is inflammatory. It may bring about sin'ah (hatred) between Jews, or even more than just feelings. For example, there's a park on my corner here. I walk by very often, just to go to Shul or pick up something from the pharmacy. What if I see Abraham's son fighting with Yitzchak's son, and Abraham's son seems to have the upper hand? I happen to be strolling by, and I feel like I know what to do in such a situation. The next time I meet the victim, or the loser's father, I tell him, “You know, this other guy's son was really beating up on your son, or pushing him down, or took away the swing, or whatever.” So I told him in no uncertain terms that, when I saw it happening, if he ever, ever lays a hand on such a child, or any child, or does the same thing again, he's going to be sorry. To make it clear that I'm in business, I give him a little slap—not to hurt him, but to discipline him.
So now the boy tells his father what happened, and his father is angry with me. You got the picture. The feelings are not going to be positive anymore, and a feud will erupt. And how did it all begin? Because I reported to the guy what his son was doing to his son. I reported a true incident, factually, to one of the parents, and that became a feud.
Now, don't get me wrong. The Chafetz Chaim is not saying that if there's some type of danger or some type of negative behavior, a person should never intervene or inform a parent about any aggression or physical violence against their child. What he's telling us is that Rechilut could be about children. And Rechilut has certain prerequisites before I'm allowed to tell it over, even l'to'elet (positive purpose). Like we've said so many times here, there is very often a positive purpose in giving over a report. I report to you what a competitor did to you—da-da-da-da-da—what they said about your merger. If it is for a positive purpose, or if somebody's about to get engaged, get married, or go out with somebody who has a physical defect that's unknown to them, which may affect whether or not they do want to, in fact, get involved.
How do I get involved? Well, we learned what was called to'elet with Lashon Hara, which had seven requirements that I had to fulfill just so I could tell something over for a positive purpose. For example, I had to know firsthand. I can't enhance it. I can't exaggerate. I can't have any personal animosity against any of the partners. Et cetera, et cetera. There were seven different conditions we've discussed many times in this series of classes. The same seven apply in Rechilut, and the same seven apply in Rechilut even about a child.
I may be certain in my heart and mind that I've covered all my bases and know what I'm talking about. But the fact of the matter is, you can't speak Rechilut about a child, not even for a positive purpose, unless you've actually covered your bases, fulfilled all the obligations, and checked off each box of all seven conditions that permit me to use a negative fact constructively. I may save a company from hiring someone who could embezzle. I may save a young lady from marrying somebody who either has a very poor personality or maybe even a physical defect that would really affect whether or not she wants to get married. I may be able to do a lot of positive for a synagogue or yeshiva by speaking to somebody about a person in a position there who may be detrimental to the place.
However, before I could do that, whether it's Lashon Hara or Rechilut, whether it's about a male or a female, an adult or a child, a friend or a relative or a stranger, the conditions must be met. If there's something to accomplish, it may be permissible to get involved with To'elet, but we can never disregard the conditions for To'elet that we've mentioned so many times before.
In my case, I saw it. That's firsthand. In my case, I hit him, but the guy who saw me hit him and related it to somebody has to know the circumstances. So maybe he doesn't like me anyhow. Maybe he has a grudge about something else I did to him, or even something he thinks I did to him. Or maybe he heard from somebody who saw, and now he wants to tell the parent because he knows the parent better than the actual witness. All conditions, all circumstances must be taken into account. And it's like with all halakha (Jewish law): one box not checked could change the halakha from permitted to forbidden. That's how we don't fall into traps, whether it's a child or an adult, whether we saw it or heard it.