We enter the 11.45 a.m. weekly session into proper speech. What you can say, what you can't say, what you should say, and what you must say. We've been studying the laws of Rechilut, which comes from the word “peddler.” Lo telech rachil be'amecha. The Pasuk (verse) says there's a negative commandment of the Torah telling you not to go as a peddler. That means carrying information from one place to another, delivering from one source to another, saying, “You should only know what this one said about you,” et cetera.
The laws of Rechilut apply to all Jews. What does that mean? It means there's no difference whether the speaker is a man, a relative, or a stranger. There's no difference whether the person being spoken about is an adult or a child. Rechilut applies. Now, the closer you get, relationship-wise, the more lax you become in guarding your speech. A son or a daughter, for example, hears someone say something negative, not so nice, about a parent. That offspring is forbidden to relate the information to the one being spoken about. In other words, someone says something negative about his father: “Your father's a crook, your father's lazy, your father this.” He can't tell his father, “Ralph said this about you.” Now, he's motivated by kibbud av (honoring one's father), by gratitude, and by respect. Still, the Torah says, “You're not supposed to speak Rechilut.”
Now, okay, so I can't speak about a child, and a child can't relate information. Let's say two boys are fighting. Abraham's son is fighting with Yitzchak's son. There's an argument, and one of the children has the upper hand. A third party happens to be walking through the park or going up the street at the same time that the dispute is in high gear. He's a good friend, a good friend of one of the two boys' fathers, and he thinks he knows how he's supposed to behave. He sees his friend and tells him, “I was walking down the street, and this guy's kid was giving it to your son.” The man receiving the information is a little upset. The next time he sees that boy, the one who was arguing with his son, he's going to give it to him. He pulls him by the neck and says, “Look, if I ever hear you treat my son like that again, you're going to be sorry.” And just to put a little emphasis on his declaration, to show that he really means it, he slaps him across the face. Maybe both sides. So now, the child who was struck goes back and tells his father what the other kid's father did to him. That's cause for a feud. How did it all begin? You don't know what this kid did to your son. Rechilut.
Now, don't take the Chafetz Chaim beyond what he intends to tell you. He's not saying you should never tell a parent something protective or important for him or her to know for the benefit of their child. What he's telling us is that Rechilut about children is still Rechilut. Therefore, before we can go forward and say, “I have a positive purpose in transferring this information,” you have to follow the rules that we've learned so many times: knowing firsthand, not having any negative feelings, and not exaggerating or adding in a little juicy tidbit that maybe makes the story a little bit more exciting. Rechilut. Doing it for a positive purpose exclusively, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera, before he could tell it all.
A person has to ask themselves, “Am I sure, am I certain beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I understand what was going on when I saw it?” Maybe the first boy teased the second boy, and after the teasing he struck him. Maybe he started the taunting. Maybe the second boy was just losing it because somebody was picking on him. Maybe the other guy instigated the fight. Also, a person has to ask himself, “What will I accomplish by telling the father about the incident?” Oh yes, you have something. How about if you spoke to the perpetrator before you go and tell the other side? Maybe the perpetrator will say, “I'm sorry, I didn't mean it. I lost it. I'll never do it again.” “Oh, you're so right. I didn't think of it that way. I never considered his side of the story. I lost it.” If that would work, you have no right whatsoever to pass the information on to the other party. What will I accomplish? And is there another way to get that done? It's a very important question.
Sometimes, Rechilut comes from a source that's so close that it's not questioned. His wife, or her husband, comes home and shares some juicy information: somebody said something derogatory about you. “I was lucky; I heard, and I'm letting you know that this person makes like he's your friend, but wait a minute.” Who says a relative could speak Rechilut? The same laws apply. Are you doing what you're supposed to do? Are you in fact transferring information that you're not allowed to transfer just because you heard it from your wife? Or just because he is your husband, therefore I can tell him? Actually, if he reacts to it and accepts it, that's another part of this subject. You're actually encouraging her to tell you something else about someone else again, because she says, “My husband likes to know. He was happy with me that I told him.” Therefore, the Chafetz Chaim says that if a person is told Rechilut by a spouse, his reaction should be, “That's Lashon Hara (evil speech). That's Rechilut. I can't accept it.” That might prevent the next time.
And, being five weeks to the Omer (counting period), we'll speak about Shavuot.