We are in our session on the laws of proper speech. I call it Lashon HaTov (proper speech), not Lashon Hara (negative speech). The Chafetz Chaim, Yisrael Meir Kagan HaKohen, is better known for his sefer Sefer Chafetz Chaim, based on the Pasuk (verse), “Mi ha'ish hechafetz chayim, ohev yamim lir'ot tov? Netzor leshonecha me'ra” (Who is the man who desires life, who loves days to see good? Guard your tongue from evil). That sefer goes through the laws of both Lashon Hara and Rechilut (talebearing). Today I want to go to Kelal Tet, which is basically Chapter 9, and the Chafetz Chaim involves us in a new subject. That subject is called Avak Lashon Hara. Avak Lashon Hara means the dust of Lashon Hara. What does that mean, dust? A speck of dust is almost invisible. As dust piles up, you can see it better. Sometimes, if you run your fingers through a dusty item, you see the dust. You couldn't even see it before. There is a concept of Avak Lashon Hara, the dust of Lashon Hara. Anybody who knows how insignificant dust is in this world, especially tiny specks, should ask: Why would he go so far as to entitle certain types of speech Avak Lashon Hara, to tell us that this concept is asur—not actual Lashon Hara, and yet still forbidden? So the concept is important, but I would like to be a little more practical and descriptive, to give you an idea of how dangerous speaking about people in general is.
The first example that the Chafetz Chaim uses, in Kelal Tet Aleph, is a case where a person might believe the words are perfectly harmless. Somebody will say, it's amazing how far this person has come. Actually trying to praise the success, of somebody in personality development, spirituality, or even past poverty, and success in business. Spoken among friends with no ill intent, it may seem harmless or innocuous. It's certainly not negative speech, and it's not so certainly speech that doesn't work. It doesn't cause harm. But if we probe a bit further, the listeners might fill in the blanks and take it negatively: “It's amazing how much success this person has had in spite of the fact that this person is not so bright. I never thought of him as so smart. How could he achieve what he achieved?” A negative that comes from a positive. It might have been intended as a compliment, but the result is anything but. People may lose respect for the person. Why? Because that person is unable to go further than the words themselves. There is another case: if the person was so bad, so observant, so not religious, as we say, then saying, “It's amazing how far they've come,” could be a very big reference to the person's inability to achieve what he has achieved. That's called Avak Lashon Hara. On the surface, no problem. Beyond the surface, what could be wrong with praising somebody?
Let's get into what's called the dynamics of a conversation. Each person in a conversation—let's say, a group of people—tries to add to or enhance the conversation, or take it one step further. So let's say we're talking about party A, and praising an individual can lead the listeners to focus on the negatives. The Chafetz Chaim says that one is certainly not allowed to praise a person in front of that person's enemies. Why? Because of the temptation to add to the conversation, especially when someone is not enamored at all of the person being spoken about. The temptation is to knock the praise down with a “but”: “But did you know that, in spite of that, this is true?” To take the conversation and the dynamics of a normal conversation to the next level, that person will be denigrated. And that is Lashon Hara. The one has caused it is Avak Lashon Hara. We should never praise someone, even to his friends, because when one of the group is being highlighted positively, someone might say, “Yeah, I know him so well too, but did you know...?” Then a limitation on the praise, or a negative, comes out just because of the dynamics of a conversation. The one who praised someone, even in front of friends, did not intend anything, but at least it is Avak Lashon Hara; it is still asur.
So far, we've discussed praising an individual in front of several people, but what about praising someone publicly? The Chafetz Chaim says someone should never praise anybody in public because of what we basically call the law of averages. The law of averages will force the hand of the listeners, and there'll be at least one person who will feel, “It's up to me to let people know the truth. I have to say that I want people to know that this person is not so perfect.” It's not what we would expect, but a jealous person or someone who has some gripe can surely turn the conversation around. A person could cause Lashon Hara without actually wanting to speak Lashon Hara. And that's called Avak Lashon Hara. As we said at the outset, that is forbidden just as Lashon Hara itself is.
The Be'er Mayim Chaim is the Chafetz Chaim's own expansion of the ideas he states in the body of the sefer. It has footnotes, so to speak. He says that even if people are sitting and discussing, let's say, that a great rabbi came out with a new sefer, or that a great rabbi is coming to visit a community, and a few people sit to discuss this person's awesome Chochmah (wisdom), this person's awesome Kedushah (holiness), and this person's power to bless or to pray for somebody, you can be sure that, no matter what the subject is, some negative speech will be generated in that group of listeners. Sometimes it's even a positive: “I know he's great, but I don't follow him. I find this other rabbi is greater.” You could be talking about a great rabbi or somebody that people admire and love. “No, but there's this...” Praising in front of others rather than admiring privately could be very dangerous. The Chafetz Chaim calls it Avak because it's infinitesimal and not always apparent and visible. He also lets us know that it's only dust. You did not speak Lashon Hara. What was that? You did not speak negatively about anybody. But you may cause a negative result: a lack of respect, other comments that are more negative, a bigger “but,” and a conversation opening in a direction it was not intended to lead when the person spoke the praises. But again, in front of one, it's dangerous. In front of two, three, four, it's more likely that somebody will turn the conversation to the negative in the dynamics of a conversation. When you're in a crowd or speaking publicly, know that the law of averages says that a person cannot overcome the temptation so easily to listen to the praise of another, because there's jealousy, there's competition, and there are other motivators that can cause well-intentioned people to trip up in Avak Lashon Hara, the dust of Lashon Hara.