Good morning. Torah Tuesday continues. We are going to spend a brief quarter of an hour discussing proper speech. The entire Chafetz Chaim Sefer takes four months to complete. If you do a little portion each day, you can complete it three times in one year. We started on Rosh Hashanah (Jewish New Year), a new cycle, and we are now at the point of dealing with the second month of the first cycle.
Today I want to discuss something that came up in this week's calendar of what to learn. It has to do with what we call misconception. The Chafetz Chaim discusses several misconceptions about what the halacha (Jewish law) of Lashon Hara (negative statement) is. You have certain situations where people know: if I say something bad about such a person, even if it's true, it's Lashon Hara. Lashon Hara, b'apei telata. Maybe if I say it in front of three, and it can be taken for good and taken for bad, everybody has to assume it's for good, because there are three people there; I know it's going to get out. We've discussed all of these, but today he wants to discuss well-known misconceptions concerning the din (law). There's a person who says, “It's not Lashon Hara. You know why? It'll never get back to that person.” In other words, the person I'm speaking about will never hear this, either because of where he's located, because of who I'm speaking with, because of where I'm located, or for some such reason. It'll never get back. The Chafetz Chaim tells us it's still Lashon Hara. It's forbidden anyway. Even if, in reality, the statement, the report, the accusation, will never get back to the person about whom you're speaking, it's still called Lashon Hara. Whether they hear it or not, or whether they're likely to hear it or not, doesn't change the nature of the statement. A negative statement, a statement that comes home, is Lashon Hara.
Second, he brings up another case, and it's very common. You say, “This isn't Lashon Hara.” Now, it's a negative statement about the person. You're telling me it's not Lashon Hara. Why is it not Lashon Hara? Because even if he were here, right next to us, I would say the same thing. I'd say, “Unfortunately, the one who's attributing this to permissive, according to halacha, is wrong.” The excuse of “If he were here, I would say it in front of him” is totally unacceptable. By making such a statement in front of the person—let's say you did do it—would that help you? No. It's still Lashon Hara. And on top of that, it may even go over the border of Lashon Hara into the area called hurtful speech. Or it may cause embarrassment. Gemara tells us clearly: anyone who whitens the face—because when you get embarrassed, you turn red, then you turn white—anybody who embarrasses a friend, or any other Jew, friend or not, there is no hope for the next life. Very expensive. That joke. That fun.
So the Chafetz Chaim tells us those two misconceptions are very common, and we should avoid them at all costs. Now sometimes it's not so clear. Somebody makes a statement: “Raymond's going to be late for our meeting.” Is that Lashon Hara? No, it's negative. He's going to be late. I told you who it is. I told you he was going to be late. But it happens to be a simple fact. He's going to be on time. He's going to be late. So am I stating, “You don't have to hurry because he's going to be late,” like he told me he's going to be late, and he wants you to inform me that he's going to be late? Or if I make the statement and then roll my eyes: “He's always late.” Or, “What do you expect from this guy?” So saying he's going to be late can be taken either way. It could be a statement of fact, or it could be Lashon Hara. And a lot of the tone, the choice of words, the facial expression, can tell us, as casual observers, whether that was meant as a negative, harmful Lashon Hara statement or whether it was an innocuous statement of fact. If the statement is said in a negative fashion, it's obviously forbidden, like talking angrily or with a frustrated attitude. “Yeah, I can't believe it. Raymond's going to be late again. I rushed. I couldn't find...”
The ultimate Lashon Hara barometer is simple. If the statement comes across as negative, then it is really Lashon Hara.
One last thing before we leave. It's Klal Gimel today; we're on the third chapter, so to speak. And it's Halacha Gimel, Gimel Gimel. It's called humor. Sketching. Just joking. Think of the last time a group of people laughed at you for some reason. And they comment, “But it was only a joke.” They may have laughed because you did something foolish. They may have laughed because they made you laugh. Trip or miss a chair. But that doesn't justify what they did. You may have even laughed with them not to look like, you know, a makpid (overly particular), but then it hurts. It's not at all amusing if somebody gets hurt. Chafetz Chaim gives us a point. The person who, after speaking Lashon Hara, says, “I was only joking. Come on, I didn't mean it,” or gives any such type of excuse—the Chafetz Chaim says it's not a joke. The person you were speaking about or to is hurt. His esteem in the eyes of others has been reduced. The power of words has been used to hurt somebody else. So if a joke is derogatory, it's not a joke. So the effect of your words, the way they're taken, the way they're felt, the way they're reacted to by others, has a lot to do with whether an innocuous-sounding statement, “Raymond's going to be late,” or “He always does that,” will be considered Lashon Hara or not.
So as we studied Shemirat Halashon (Guarding the Tongue), we see again and again that Hashem doesn't like it, and it's because it hurts somebody else. And when you hurt my child, you have me to deal with. And B'nai Yisrael are the children of Hashem.