I was walking down Brent Street in Hendon on a Shabbat morning, wearing my talit (prayer shawl) on my way to shul (synagogue). I don't carry; I wear my talit. An elderly woman called me over. She said, “Young man, why are you wearing your talit in the street? You're drawing attention. You shouldn't be wearing a talit in the street. You're causing a scene. You're making people notice the Jews walking around with a talit.” She gave me a whole earful about how I shouldn't be flaunting my Judaism by wearing a talit in the street.
Anyway, I listened. I said, “Thank you so much, Savta (grandmother). I appreciate it. I know you're looking out for me. Thank you. Shabbat Shalom.” Anyway, I started walking away. She called me back and said, “Whippersnapper,” or whatever term she used. I thought, “Okay, here we go again.” I came back, and she said, “I know you're not going to listen to me, but I so much appreciate that you listened to an old woman and heard me out. You didn't interrupt me or fight with me, but showed me respect. I come from another generation,” she said, “where they hunted us in the streets. So I'm especially sensitive. But thank you for listening and not arguing or interrupting.”
She knows I'm not listening, and she's right. I don't agree. I don't think we should hide. Maybe in a time when they're hunting you, yes. But I think showing your Judaism is very important. Being proud, not very important. She says, “I know you're not listening to me, but thank you. Thank you for not interrupting me.”
What a wild concept. Look at how much people need to be heard. A challenge for you: How many times do we think we've heard a person, and still the person does not feel heard or seen? You think to yourself, “But I am here. But I am listening. But I am seeing.” Well, if the purpose of being heard and seen is for them to feel heard and seen, it doesn't matter if you listen to me. You listened or you saw because the reality is their perception, and that's how they feel. So what do you need to do? Try again. Figure out another way—not to agree, but at the very least to help the person feel like you heard them out completely. If at first you don't succeed, try, try again.