So, we finished Busha (feeling of embarrassment). Baruch Hashem, it was very nice. It was work, significant work, and it wasn’t easy. I feel that we still have more to work on there. I think we covered it nicely, but I think we didn’t do it justice. That’s my only reservation about moving on. It’s hard to work on something without continuing to add material, points, and fodder—adding new fodder, you know. So it’s hard to stick to it. Maybe one day we can go back to it and re-energize the work ethic we had for Busha. It was a very high level. A person can attain some level of feeling embarrassment in front of Hashem. It’s something special.
But we move on. The next Middah (attributes) in Orchot Tzadikim is actually Ahava, love, which we already learned in the Emunah series, so I’m skipping it. You already learned it, and we got some way with that, too. Now the next Middah is Rachamim, mercy.
As an introduction, we have to know that mercy is a natural feeling. People have it; people are merciful toward different people and in different situations. There are many different natural feelings of mercy and compassion. First of all, the source of mercy is Hashem. Hashem created us with this mercy. He is the merciful one. You can say He created us in His image, which means a lot of different things, but many of the natural tendencies we have were created so we could use them properly. These are the middot, the attributes, that we’re learning. They come from the essence of Hashem Himself. We were created with the opportunity to grow and be like Hashem, to imitate Hashem, and thereby achieve the closeness we’re supposed to have, the closeness we really want. We were created in this world to achieve closeness to Hashem, to be Devekut, closeness to Hashem. Our natural tendencies, personalities, and feelings are there to help us achieve that. They’re tools. Just like anything else in this world, they’re tools for us to grow and to achieve closeness to Hashem.
The Torah says, in the parasha from two weeks ago, actually, the 13 attributes of mercy of Hashem, which we say all the time. One of them is rachum, merciful. The Chachamim (sages) learn from there, from where the Torah says that you have to attach yourself and get close to Hashem. How do you get close to Hashem? How do you attach yourself to Hashem? Hashem is a fire, and we’re flesh and blood. How do you attach yourself to Hashem? He’s spiritual; we’re physical. It can’t be. How could you? So the Chachamim explained that we have to look at the middot of Hashem, the attributes and characteristics. When we copy them and incorporate them into our lives, and they become part of us, that’s how we become like Hashem. That’s called getting close to Hashem. It’s one way to get close to Hashem. It’s one aspect of getting close to Hashem.
One of the things we have to learn is to take the 13 attributes, learn them, understand them, and then try to incorporate them into our lives. We have to act that way. That’s what the Gemara says: “Just like He’s rachum, you have to be rachum. Just like He’s Chanun (gracious), you have to be Chanun.” All 13, every single one. You have to look at each one and see what it is. Then try to learn from it and do as much as you can, as best as you can, in your life. That’s how you get close to Hashem.
So mercy is one of the first ones. You have to compare ourselves with Hashem and see how He is merciful; then we’ll understand how we should be merciful. There are many applications of the attribute of mercy. There are the natural ones and the unnatural ones. We’ll go through a few and see how far we get. This Middah, Rachamim, can be one class, or it can be 10 classes—endless classes. It’s all about how much time you want to spend on it and how much you want to talk about it. There are many applications, and then there’s the misapplication. We have to talk about that: how people misapply mercy and what that does.
But first, let’s take the easy one. Mostly, you have to look toward Hashem. What is the attribute of mercy in Hashem? Hashem is merciful. He has mercy on us. He has mercy on the people He created. There are two sides to a person: the physical and the spiritual. Hashem created Neshamot (souls), which are part of Hashem Himself. A Neshamah is part of Hashem Himself. That Neshamah has wants and needs. The Neshamah only wants to get closer to Hashem, and Hashem has mercy on the Neshamah. He gives the Neshamah opportunities to get closer to Hashem. That’s what the Neshamah wants, and the world is filled with those opportunities.
When we try to apply that to ourselves and to other people, and we want to have mercy on somebody, we have to know that the most important thing that person needs from us is mercy on his Neshamah. You can have mercy on his physical being, on his physical life, too, of course. But first and foremost, we need to have mercy on his Neshamah. When we see a person who is far from the path and doesn’t really understand, not his fault—yeah, his fault; it doesn’t matter. That’s not the point. The point is that he’s not where we are. The first thing we have to feel for him is mercy, pity. His Neshamah is yearning, and he’s unable to satisfy it. He thinks physical pursuits will satisfy his sense of yearning. He has a sense of yearning, but he doesn’t know what it is. We know what our sense of yearning is: it’s our Neshamah calling out to us. But some people don’t realize that. That’s why they’re going on vacations, always looking; they’re always in pursuit of something. You notice that people are always looking for something. They’re always looking for the next situation, the next thing to happen. They think happiness is over the horizon: “When I get that, I’m going to be happy. When I do that, I’ll be happy.” They don’t understand that this yearning isn’t for a physical goal or anything physical. This yearning is his Neshamah talking. His Neshamah wants to get closer to Hashem, and that’s what he’s feeling. He’s just misinterpreting it. He doesn’t understand what it means to identify with his Neshamah. He doesn’t understand the language of the Neshamah or what the Neshamah is saying to him. He doesn’t understand it. He’s misinterpreting it.
So the first thing we need to feel for this person is that we have to have mercy on his Neshamah. His Neshamah is not being heard. He’s not utilizing the tools his Neshamah was given to grow and get closer to Hashem. That’s what the Neshamah wants, and it’s not happening. When we come in contact with such people, sometimes the message we say will have an effect on them. The approach we take with these people will have a certain effect, and it will be a spiritual effect. That’s where we should focus our mercy: have mercy on his Neshamah. You have to feel that. You have to feel his Neshamah’s yearning for him. Mercy on his Neshamah, just like Hashem has mercy on our Neshamah. So we have to copy Hashem. That’s the idea of mercy when we talk about mercy on other people. Of course, if a person is suffering physically, we’ll talk about that soon. That’s another part of this. But first, we have to get our priorities straight. As usual, get our priorities straight. Have mercy on the person’s Neshamah. Have mercy on our own Neshamot. Our own Neshamah needs to grow. It also has wants and needs, and that is to grow spiritually, to get closer to Hashem. We have to have mercy on our own Neshamah, listen to our own Neshamah talking, and know what it means, what the Neshamah needs. What does the Neshamah want? It doesn’t want anything else. We have to identify with our own Neshamah and understand what message the Neshamah is trying to tell us. Again, these pursuits we have are a misunderstanding of our Neshamah. That’s what it is. You have to be in tune.
Now, mercy on our Neshamot: sometimes our Neshamah is suffering, yearning for something, and unable to be fulfilled. We need to nurture that by growing spiritually, working on ourselves, contemplating, and practicing self-discipline. We can purposely not allow ourselves certain comforts or pleasures, and go against our nature. There are many examples. Working on yourself, self-discipline—the Neshamah loves that. That’s what the Neshamah wants. And if you notice how good it feels after you do those things, the feeling you get, the sense of fulfillment, it’s so much better than the pursuits you tried to satisfy that longing with. You tried this, you tried that. You had a good time, but you still feel like something’s missing. But when you have some self-discipline, work on yourself, and grow spiritually, all of a sudden you feel that sense of fulfillment. You feel like you satisfied your yearning. So you see, that’s what that yearning is.
We find with Moshe Rabbeinu that one of the first times we’re introduced to him in the Torah is in Mitzrayim, in Egypt. First we hear about the story of his birth: how Paro’s daughter took him out of the water, brought him home, and got the nursemaid. That’s all about how he was taken care of. The first time we’re introduced to Moshe himself—his life, what he did, the things he accomplished—was when he left the palace. Moshe grew up. Now he’s an adult. He goes to his brothers to see in their work. Remember, Moshe is a prince. He grew up in the house of Paro, in the king’s palace. He’s a prince. Everybody knew he was Jewish, but he wasn’t working. He was a privileged character. In the old days, a nobleman was a different story. He was a prince. He didn’t have to do anything. He grew up in the palace. Slaves did whatever he wanted. He didn’t have to get involved in any of the work. Nobody expected him to. But what happened? He goes out of his comfort zone. He goes out to see the people and their work. What happens? He sees an Egyptian hitting, beating another Jew. So we know the story. He looks both ways, looks into the future, and buries him right there. Then the next day he sees two Jews fighting. What happened at the end? Paro finds out that he killed the Egyptian, and now he wants to kill Moshe. The death penalty. So Moshe knew that when he killed the Egyptian, he was putting his life on the line. This was an Egyptian taskmaster, not a regular citizen. It’s like killing a cop. It’s punishable by death. He went because of his great feelings about his fellow Jew being beaten, and he killed him anyway.
So the Mesirut Nefesh Moshe showed by intervening in that story and killing the Egyptian anyway—putting his life on the line—showed something about Moshe. But not only that: Moshe went to see their work. What does it say? Moshe didn’t just go to see what was going on. He put his eyes and his heart into suffering with them. Moshe didn’t just go out and look. He went to the workplace. This is the Midrash: he took off his robes and started helping them carry. He lent a shoulder, saying, “Put it on my shoulder.” He fixed the weights. He actually got down to work with them and started helping them. He didn’t have to do anything. He didn’t want to just see. He didn’t want to be a bystander. He wanted to get involved and help them. He went just to be able to feel the pain.
Later on, Moshe runs away and ends up with Yitro, who becomes his father-in-law. He starts shepherding the sheep. He ends up at Har Sinai, though it wasn’t known as Har Sinai yet, and he sees a burning bush. We know the story. Moshe says, “Let me go see what’s going on. How come it’s not getting burned?” Hashem sees that he turned to come and see, and Hashem called out to him from the bush. He calls, “Moshe, Moshe,” and Moshe says, “Here I am.” That started the whole thing. That’s how Moshe got the job of becoming the leader of the Jewish people for the next 40 years. So the Pasuk (verse) says Hashem saw that he turned. The Chachamim explained that it wasn’t that he turned to see the sight of the bush. Hashem remembered how he had turned to see the Jewish people suffering, and that’s why he was able to receive Nevuah, prophecy—to receive the prophecy that Hashem was going to speak to him from the bush.
By the way, why is Hashem occupying a burning bush, a thorn bush? That’s not very comfortable. Thorns, right? He didn’t choose nice flowers, a nice tree, an apple tree—I don’t know. He picked a burning bush, a thorn bush. Why? The Chachamim explained that the thorn is painful, and Hashem wanted to show the idea, “I’m with you in the pain.” He’s talking about the Jewish people suffering in Egypt. He feels the pain, too. It’s a very important idea: a person should carry the burden of his friend. We have to learn from Moshe. This is all part of Rachmanut (mercy). This is all part of mercy. We have to learn from Moshe. We’re presented with opportunities all the time, all day long. We hear about people’s problems and suffering. Unfortunately, there’s no end and no shortage of people suffering out there. People are going through their situations. Everybody has their little situation, big situation, whatever it may be. We hear that this person got sick or whatever. And what do we do? Okay, you write his name down, think about it for a couple of minutes, and move on.
Our job, when we hear about someone else’s pain, is to try to imagine ourselves in that situation, to put ourselves in their shoes and actually feel what they’re going through. Stop and think for a minute. Imagine if that happened to you. Put yourself in that situation. Just think. Use your mind. There’s one place where you can use your mind. You hear about something, somebody has a sick family member—stop and think. Imagine somebody in your family was sick like that. Think about it. How would you feel? Understand what that person is going through. It’s the first thing you have to do. Your first job is to feel someone else’s pain. Then you can talk about trying to help them, praying for them. That’s all very nice. But the first thing you have to do is put yourself in that situation and feel it. It’s not enough just to feel bad, to sigh, to let out a sigh. You have to do better than that. You have to feel it. You have to actually feel it.
Part of the mitzvah (commandment) of consoling mourners is to go and visit, imagine what they’re going through, and feel the pain with them. When the mourner sees that someone else is feeling some of his pain, that takes off some of his pain. That’s the burden; he can feel it. There are many stories. I heard of a Rosh Yeshiva who lost his daughter in a car accident. A bus accident, I don’t know—an accident. Another Rosh Yeshiva came to visit him. He didn’t say anything. He just came and sat there for five minutes, thinking, crying, just sitting there. He got up and left. The Rosh Yeshiva who had been sitting there said that was his best visit, because he felt the rabbi was really understanding. He was really taking the burden; he was sharing it with him. That’s powerful stuff.
We’re presented with these opportunities all the time, all day. Let’s pick some and try to feel the pain. Let’s learn from Moshe. To listen, to see, to visit—all very nice. We have to do better. We have to take it another step: put ourselves in that situation, think about ourselves being in that situation, and try to imagine and feel it. Actually feel what’s happening. Then you can start praying. You can try to figure out how to help. And of course, never give any kind of musar (moral instruction) talk. We talked a lot about how a person can go through difficult situations, how a person can be happy through them, how you can endure them very nicely. We talked about that for a year. More. Right? When you’re talking to the person who’s suffering at that time, right then, that’s not the time for that. He doesn’t want to hear your musar. He doesn’t want to hear your lofty ideas. He wants you to feel his pain. That’s your first job. He wants to feel that you feel it, too. He wants to feel that you’re one arm and he’s another arm, and you both feel the pain of the same body.
It happens all day. Somebody knocks on your door, somebody visits you, or you see somebody in the street asking for money. A lot of times they have a paper with a brief description of what’s going on, what he’s collecting for. Don’t just give him a dollar and send him away. This is an opportunity. Hashem sent you a mitzvah right there. Hashem sent you an opportunity. Don’t let it go. It’s a tremendous opportunity. Take his paper, open it up, and read it. See what’s going on. He has this medical problem, but he has a whole story that he wrote out. Read it. Internalize it. Feel it. Imagine it was you, and then give him the dollar. First of all, it’s a different dollar from you. And second of all, it’s a different dollar for him. When he sees that you took the time to read it, he sees that you care. There are ways to give tzedakah (charity). You can give him a dollar and go kish, or you can read his paper and show him how you care. Show him that you feel his pain. Internalize it. Show him that you really feel it. Show him a smile: “Good luck. I hope everything works out.” It doesn’t matter how much you give at that point. He walks away energized. He walks away feeling that somebody cares. He’s not just on his own.
Sometimes we can misapply Rachmanut. Our natural Rachmanut is toward our children, so we like to spoil them. These days we have to be very careful what we say. You know, be gentle, don’t be negative. There are all kinds of things out there. It all comes from our mercy for our children. We want the best for our children. But we have to remember what we said in the beginning: the biggest mercy you’re supposed to have is for the Neshamah. Children need discipline for the Neshamah. So when a person starts spoiling his children, that’s misapplied mercy. It’s misapplied. That’s taking your mercy and getting it all confused. You have to have mercy on his Neshamah first. Teach him Torah. Teach him how to act, how to behave, how to grow, and how to listen to his Neshamah. Sometimes it’s not so pleasant. That’s what we have to do. It’s part of bringing up children. It’s part of our mercy for our children, because we have mercy on the Neshamah. This is all part of mercy. Just like He’s merciful, we have to be merciful. This is how we get close to Hashem. This is how we connect to Hashem.
Exercise for the week: let’s find a situation where we can feel someone’s pain. You pick. It’s up to you. You pick. There are plenty of opportunities. You create them. You get somebody at your door—try to feel his pain. Once a day, try to feel someone’s pain. You hear about something that happened to somebody—try to feel it. Somebody comes to your door—try to feel his pain. Once a day. Once a day. This is not a time thing. Five minutes. You hear about something; once a day, try to feel the pain. That’s going to be the exercise for this week. Let’s see if we can do it. Thank you for coming. Shabbat Shalom.