Welcome to the daily chizuk (encouragement). The true boteach baHashem (one who trusts in Hashem) doesn’t live in the past, regretting all of his decisions. We hear people say all the time, “I should have done this,” or, “I should have done that.” In Parashat Ki Tavo, there are 98 curses, Rachmana litzlan (May the Merciful One save us), and one of them is Shiddafon, which means a wind that could ruin vegetation. But I once heard someone say that Shiddafon sounds like the words “should have.” It means it’s the “should have” syndrome, which is also a curse.
You could have a person who wants to sell his house and puts it on the market for a million dollars. Someone offers him $900,000, and he doesn’t take it. Now it’s three years later, and he still hasn’t sold the house. He says all the time, “I should have just taken the $900,000. Why didn’t I take it?” Or a person goes to a certain doctor, and it doesn’t work out the way he wanted. The person says over and over, “I should have gone to a different doctor.” This is incorrect. You did your Hishtadlut. You tried. At the time, you felt that it was the correct decision to do what you did. The reason it didn’t work out is because Hashem felt that this would be the best. Even if there was a better Hishtadlut that could have been done and you didn’t do it, that’s also min haShamayim (from Heaven). You didn’t do the better option because Hashem didn’t let that thought pass through your brain.
The Gemara says, which means that Hashem gives us free will to make decisions. The only place Hashem gives us free will is to make decisions between good and bad. But other than that, everything else is in the hands of Hashem. The Sefat Emet writes that Hashem gets involved even in your thought processes. He says that if Hashem wants you to be in a certain place, He will give you an urge to go there right away.
A woman recently told me she was in Manhattan for a business appointment. Before she went home, she decided she wanted to eat lunch. She passed by a pizza store and said, “Nah, I’m not in the mood for pizza.” Then she passed by a sushi place and said, “Nah, I’m not in the mood for sushi now.” Then she thought, “Should I get meat? Nah, it’s Thursday. I don’t like to have meat on Thursdays.” So she started walking more. All of a sudden, she had a craving for a chicken salad. She said she had to have it. So she walked to Kosher Delight. As soon as she walked in, she saw her best friend. Her friend is rarely in the city. She went over and said, “What are you doing here?” But her friend was in the middle of saying Tehillim. When she finished, her friend told her, “I was praying to Hashem to get me a ride back to Brooklyn because I didn’t want to take the train. And Baruch Hashem (Blessed is Hashem), here you are.”
Hashem is involved. He is involved even in our minds. The boteach baHashem knows: once something happened, it was Ratzon Hashem for my best. So long as you’re able to make a Hishtadlut, try your hardest. Do whatever you can. Whatever you feel is the correct decision to make, you do it and try hard. But after it’s over, we believe that the Ratzon Hashem is what ultimately happened. So unless it has to do with the mitzvah (commandment) or aveirah (sin), never say, “I should have.” Don’t second-guess yourself. You did exactly what was supposed to happen. Have a great day.