Welcome to Daily Chizuk. The nature of man is that we like to be recognized. When a person works hard and puts in a lot of effort, especially to benefit others, they expect a show of gratitude, an appreciation for their efforts. How often do we hear people saying, “You know what I did for that guy? He has no hakarat hatov (gratitude).” No one could escape this need. As one writer put it, it’s inescapable. It’s hardwired into our humanity and downloaded into our DNA. A recognition study reported that 80% of people cited lack of appreciation as the key reason for leaving their jobs.
One of the main causes of shalom bayit (peace in the home) problems is that one spouse feels underappreciated—that their efforts are not being recognized. A woman could say, “I spent the whole day cooking and preparing the house for my husband to have a meeting with his friends, and he didn’t even say thank you.” A man could say, “I spent the whole day taking care of the children, doing errands, and she didn’t say anything about it.” These situations happen all the time, and it’s incumbent upon people to show gratitude when favors are done. But if gratitude was not shown, this is the perfect situation to practice emunah (faith).
Every effort that we make to help someone is noticed. It’s written down by Hashem and it’s cherished. And when you don’t get the recognition down here, the recognition up there becomes even more valuable. Our great rabbis would hide all of their good deeds from the public. They didn’t want any human recognition. Their greatest joy came from the knowledge that only Hashem knows. Hashem sees what I do. Hashem is proud of me. We all have the need to be recognized, but sometimes we’re looking in the wrong places. How fortunate are we? There’s nothing that we do in life that goes unnoticed. If you stayed up an extra 20 minutes thinking of how to help someone, it’s noticed and recorded by Hashem. If you spoke to a few people to help someone out, it’s noticed and recorded by Hashem.
And the greatest chesed (kindness) that one could do is in one’s own house. The same way people try to give tzedaka (charity) in private, we should be happy when we do chesed with our own families in private. Nobody recognized it, but nobody has to. Hashem recognized it. And how many times have we heard people saying about a person after he leaves the world, “I didn’t know he did that. I didn’t know he helped them”? Did those people not have a need for recognition? Of course they did. But they knew Hashem was the one recognizing them. And it’s such an unbelievable zechut (merit). It’s called living your life lishmah. I’m doing it just for Hashem.
The Gemara Avodah Zarah tells us that Rabbi Yose ben Kisma risked his life to teach Torah to the masses at a time when the Romans outlawed it. And when he was on his deathbed, he was visited by Rabbi Chanina ben Teradyon. Rabbi Yose asked him, “Am I going to Olam Haba (the World to Come)?” So the rabbi said back, “Tell me something that you did.” He said, “Well, I once had money that I set aside to buy my Purim seudah (meal), and it got mixed up with my tzedaka money. I didn’t know which was which, so I gave it all out to tzedaka.” So the rabbi said, “If that’s the case, I wish my portion in Olam Haba would be like yours.”
And Rav Shach asked, “I don’t understand. This rabbi risked his life to teach Torah to the masses. Why wasn’t that enough to be a ben Olam Haba (a person of the World to Come)?” And the rabbi said, based on the Rambam and Masechet Makkot, that that was done in public and he got recognition for it. But the mix-up with the tzedaka happened in private. Nobody knew except Hashem.
The next time we work hard and we feel underappreciated, remember: this is where emunah kicks in. Hashem saw everything, Hashem knows, and Hashem is proud of you. Have a great day.