Welcome to the Daily Chizuk. The Torah commands that if someone wrongs us, not only are you not allowed to take revenge; you aren't even allowed to bear a grudge. The Rambam writes that we have to wipe the wrong from our heart entirely, without remembering it at all. How is it humanly possible not to have ill feelings toward someone who hurts you?
The Sefer HaChinuch says in Mitzvah (commandment) 241 that we have to have it ingrained in us that no one could hurt you or wrong you if Hashem didn't decree it first. If we understand this, there is no reason to bear a grudge against anyone, because he is not the cause of my pain. The true ma'amin baHashem (believer in Hashem) loves everybody because he knows they're just messengers of Hashem. We hear people saying, “I believe it's from Hashem, but this guy didn't have to be the messenger,” or, “I believe it's from Hashem, but I still want a heartfelt apology.” If we're having these thoughts, we aren't at the highest level yet.
In this week's parasha, Yosef HaTzadik revealed himself to his brothers, and he immediately told them, “Don't feel bad. You didn't send me down to Mitzrayim; rather, it was Hashem.” The Mefarshim (commentators) say Yosef saw that his brothers were feeling bad, and the nature of man is that he would like to see some remorse; he would like to see some shame or repentance, but not Yosef. The second he revealed himself, he told them, “Don't feel bad. You had nothing to do with this. It was all Hashem's plan.” Yosef could have thought, “It's true Hashem had a plan to get me down to Mitzrayim, but why'd they have to throw me in a pit? Why'd they have to take off my clothing? I was pleading with them, and they didn't have mercy.” Yosef knows that not only was the final destination Hashem's doing, but every single step of the way was also from Hashem. Yosef had no heart; he had no hard feelings, and he didn't need any apologies. Imagine: he was tormented, he was in jail for 12 years, he was away from his father for so long, and now he's the viceroy. He could easily take revenge, but he didn't even have a tinge of anger.
The Gemara tells us, “kol hako'es ke'ilu oved avodah zarah,” anyone who gets angry is like he worshipped idols. And the Sefer Tiv Emunah says the reason is that when a person gets angry, he's denying that this came from Hashem. If you believed that everything was from Hashem and everything was for your best, you would never have real anger. This was the greatness of Yosef. Not only didn't he get angry, but he was comforting them. Hashem holds us in very high regard. He expects that we all attain these attitudes and that we love everybody. We're not allowed to bear a grudge. We're not even allowed to say, “I'm not angry at him; I'm just not going to be his friend anymore.” Do I have to be friends with everybody? That means you still believe it was him.
The words of the Chinuch are, “kol asher yikrehu mitov ad ra,” anything that happens from good to bad; “hu sibah shetavo alav me'et Hashem baruch Hu (blessed is He),” it came directly from Hashem; “lo yihyeh davar bilti ratzon Hashem (Hashem's will),” nothing could happen unless it's ratzon Hashem. Hashem is behind everything, and He loves us. If we were wronged, it was for our best. We have to forgive everyone and love everyone. Shabbat Shalom.